Monday, November 10, 2008

Suggestions for President Obama's Cabinet

There's been a lot of speculation about the makeup of President-elect Barack Obama's cabinet.

Since Obama will probably surround himself with former associates, Democratic party lifers, and a couple of token Republicans who have reached waaaaaay across the aisle, the following candidates are a best case scenario, pending Congressional approval:

Secretary Of State: Reverend Wright would be an excellent choice. Since so many other nations have spent the last eight years saying "God Damn America", why not send out a representative who shares their viewpoint?
Secretary Of The Treasury: Let's go with senatorial candidate and former Saturday Night Live funny man Al Franken. Despite advocating more government involvement in just about everything imaginable, Franken neglected to pay $70,000 in taxes to the various states where he worked as a comedian and guest speaker. He overpaid by a similar amount in New York and California. Do you think Franken might be irritated and embarrassed enough by this episode to simplify the tax code? Probably not, but it's worth a try.

Secretary Of Commerce: Nancy "Greater Tuna" Pelosi. If she can exempt her donors and constituents and (ahem) stock picks from troublesome regulations, there's no telling what she could do for the rest of the country. Secretary Of Housing And Urban Development: By default, it should go to Chicago slumlord Tony Rezko, the guy who increased Obama's Urban Housing by 10 feet.

Secretary Of Education: Vice President is too limiting for a man of Joe Biden's obvious intellect. He should share his gifts with our children.



Secretary Of Agriculture: Despite his stated fondness for the ethanol/biodiesel boondoggle, Willie Nelson would make a great Secretary Of Agriculture. The man has studied weed for most of his life.

Secretary Of Defense: William Ayers. No contest here. For those who want to shrink the size of the military, what better choice than someone who once plotted to blow up the Pentagon?

Secretary Of Transportation: Ted Kennedy. Who do you think of when you hear about cars and bridges?

Secretary Of The Interior: A no-brainer. Al Gore. Parachute him into the middle of the Nevada desert with some thermometers, some pens, and a legal pad. Ask him to record his findings and get back to us in 8 years. Attorney General: Let's bring John Edwards out of his self-imposed exile. He might not be the best lawyer, he might not be the smartest lawyer, but dang it, he'd look good....


Secretary Of Homeland Security: This Department needs someone who has previously defended The Motherland From The Alien Invader ! Someone who has defended our wives and daughters from those who would do them harm ! Someone like the former "Community Organizer" for the Ku Klux Klan, West Virginia Senator (D) Robert Byrd !
I don't have a feel for the Departments of Energy, Health And Human Services, Labor, and Veterans Affairs.
I'm sure that you people have some suggestions....

15 comments:

Phil (Pacific Empire) said...

Oh, that is brilliant.

fembuttx said...

How about Dick Cheney? Or his twin, Rumsfeld?

The Whited Sepulchre said...

Phil,
Thanks. Glad you liked it.

Everyone else,
Phil is my Brother From Another Mother who lives in New Zealand. Check out "Pacific Empire" when time permits.

Fembuttx,
Cheney and Rumsfeld are called Republicans. They are Republicans who are NOT known for "reaching across the aisle".
They will soon be busy whoring their services and expertise and contact list around D.C. for staggering amounts of money.
Which reminds me....how is your new job?

Suzette Watkins said...

And what about Sarah Palin? She's bound to fit in nicely somewhere! We do need Willie Nelson up there educating Washington on the facts of weed since they classified it in an inappropriate category of drugs back in 1971!

fembuttx said...

Uh...Whited that was my point...Since you showed some rediculous pairings for cabinet members, I threw MY rediculous pairings into the ring too....

How is my new job you ask? Do we have flying monkeys? NO.

Do we log 2500 miles a day moving our crap from one facility to another all over tarrant and Johnson County? NO.

Have we had a forklift drive off the end of the dock, drop 7 feet to the hard hard ground? Uh, NO.

And Lastly, Did we have a Wood fire in our 700 degree Metal Powder coat oven? Uh, heeellll NO.

I would say I would rather be whoring safely and smart...much like an escort service...Than a Hemphill Crack whore.

Thank you for asking!!

Boobx said...

I think you forgot one critical member of the cabinet and that would be Public Relations...I vote for you Whited.

fembuttx, so uh what corner do you stand? We may have seen one another around.

Anonymous said...

What do you mean by "you people"?

sandersonmom said...
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fembuttx said...
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Boobx said...
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sandersonmom said...

Whited, I told you, you should have banned her a long time ago...

Boobx, please...don't instigate her...

fembuttx said...
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Boobx said...
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fembuttx said...
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Rick Caldwell said...

Secretary of Education has to go to Obama's best friend south of the Mason-Dixon Line, Virginia Governor Tim Kaine.

When Jo-gaffe Biden was announced as Obama's running mate, Tax Hike Timmy said publicly that Delaware shares a border with Virginia.