Here's my all-time favorite theologian, the retired episcopal bishop of Newark, NJ, speaking on "Hell as an invention of the church".
If this video makes sense to you, or if you want to learn more, or if you feel that the faith of your childhood was just a bit oversold ? Or if you want to get down to what Jesus probably taught, before Paul, the church, and anyone who felt like writing a Gospel got hold of his Jesus' life story? John Spong is your man.
We're going to be discussing Bishop Spong's book "Why Christianity Much Change Or Die" starting January 4th, 2009, Sunday mornings at 9:30, room 306, Broadway Baptist Church, 305 West Broadway, Fort Worth, TX.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Mumbai Photographer - I only wish I had a gun rather than a camera
Here's an interview in the Belfast Telegraph with the photographer who took the pic of one of the Mumbai gunmen in the now-famous picture below.....
Sebastian D'Souza, a picture editor at the Mumbai Mirror, whose offices are just opposite the city's Chhatrapati Shivaji station, heard the gunfire erupt and ran towards the terminus. "I ran into the first carriage of one of the trains on the platform to try and get a shot but couldn't get a good angle, so I moved to the second carriage and waited for the gunmen to walk by," he said. "They were shooting from waist height and fired at anything that moved. I briefly had time to take a couple of frames using a telephoto lens. I think they saw me taking photographs but they didn't seem to care."
Sebastian D'Souza, a picture editor at the Mumbai Mirror, whose offices are just opposite the city's Chhatrapati Shivaji station, heard the gunfire erupt and ran towards the terminus. "I ran into the first carriage of one of the trains on the platform to try and get a shot but couldn't get a good angle, so I moved to the second carriage and waited for the gunmen to walk by," he said. "They were shooting from waist height and fired at anything that moved. I briefly had time to take a couple of frames using a telephoto lens. I think they saw me taking photographs but they didn't seem to care."
The gunmen were terrifyingly professional, making sure at least one of them was able to fire their rifle while the other reloaded. By the time he managed to capture the killer on camera, Mr D'Souza had already seen two gunmen calmly stroll across the station concourse shooting both civilians and policemen, many of whom, he said, were armed but did not fire back.
...."There were armed policemen hiding all around the station but none of them did anything," he said. "At one point, I ran up to them and told them to use their weapons. I said, 'Shoot them, they're sitting ducks!' but they just didn't shoot back."
....Mr D'Souza added: "I told some policemen the gunmen had moved towards the rear of the station but they refused to follow them. What is the point if having policemen with guns if they refuse to use them? I only wish I had a gun rather than a camera."
No other commentary on my part seems necessary, does it?
For a brief history of gun control in India, click here.
The same blogger has posted something called "The Parable Of The Sheep".
Happy Thanksgiving, Part 2
The Stainless Steel device in the background is a Turkey Decapitator. It also allows excess blood to drain out of the bird.
Once again, Happy Thanksgiving !
Once again, Happy Thanksgiving !
Friday, November 28, 2008
We the Sheeple of The United States....
I've got a question for you, but first let me rule out the answers I'm not looking for, and why....
Let's rule out The Roman Empire, which required its satellite nations to pay heavy taxes to support the various Caesars, the Roman army, and building projects. The satellite nations generally didn't have a voice in the Roman government.
Let's rule out the various Communist regimes of the past century, and the North Koreas and Cubas which claim to carry the Marxist dream into this century. Those unfortunate people didn't have a choice about the actions of their government either.
I also propose an exemption for the various Imperialist structures of the 1500's to the present. When Great Britain, for instance, ran India and Hong Kong, the subjects of their Commonwealth didn't get to vote on the activities of their government.
I think that covers the broad, general exceptions.....now, the question.
Can anyone think of a time when the citizens of any country voluntarily allowed their government to take this much from the poor to prop up the rich?
Let me define rich: AIG, The Big 3, The members of the United Auto Workers Union, Wall Street, assorted banks and bankers, and possibly American Express.
Is everyone too busy watching Dancing With The Stars to care? Are the struggles of The Dallas Cowboys to clinch a playoff berth too much of a distraction? Is Ron Paul not photogenic enough to get our attention?
Or is it because we don't get a bill for these expenses in our mailbox every month, and these charges are all being put on our grandkids' Bar Tab? My God, this is sickening.
Are we now a nation of sheep?
The picture of Sheeple Grazing In Their Pasture came from here.
Let's rule out The Roman Empire, which required its satellite nations to pay heavy taxes to support the various Caesars, the Roman army, and building projects. The satellite nations generally didn't have a voice in the Roman government.
Let's rule out the various Communist regimes of the past century, and the North Koreas and Cubas which claim to carry the Marxist dream into this century. Those unfortunate people didn't have a choice about the actions of their government either.
I also propose an exemption for the various Imperialist structures of the 1500's to the present. When Great Britain, for instance, ran India and Hong Kong, the subjects of their Commonwealth didn't get to vote on the activities of their government.
I think that covers the broad, general exceptions.....now, the question.
Can anyone think of a time when the citizens of any country voluntarily allowed their government to take this much from the poor to prop up the rich?
Let me define rich: AIG, The Big 3, The members of the United Auto Workers Union, Wall Street, assorted banks and bankers, and possibly American Express.
Is everyone too busy watching Dancing With The Stars to care? Are the struggles of The Dallas Cowboys to clinch a playoff berth too much of a distraction? Is Ron Paul not photogenic enough to get our attention?
Or is it because we don't get a bill for these expenses in our mailbox every month, and these charges are all being put on our grandkids' Bar Tab? My God, this is sickening.
Are we now a nation of sheep?The picture of Sheeple Grazing In Their Pasture came from here.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Thomas Sowell On Obama's Plan To "Jolt" The Economy
Please stand for this month's reading from The Gospel According To Saint Thomas....
Economist Thomas Sowell, the smartest man in the world now that Milton Friedman is dead, has proclaimed that there is no need to go forth with President-elect Obama's plan to "jolt" the economy.
I seldom quote Saint Thomas directly, out of fear that I will be struck dead from on high for publishing a typo. I truly am not worthy of this task. But I'll try....
There is no reason for our government to be transferring all this wealth from the poor to the rich. None whatsoever.
The man has spoken.
Thus endeth the reading from The Gospel According To Saint Thomas.
You may be seated.
Economist Thomas Sowell, the smartest man in the world now that Milton Friedman is dead, has proclaimed that there is no need to go forth with President-elect Obama's plan to "jolt" the economy.
I seldom quote Saint Thomas directly, out of fear that I will be struck dead from on high for publishing a typo. I truly am not worthy of this task. But I'll try....
Children, these are our memory verses for next Sunday morning. Please be prepared to recite them during Bible drill. Do you want more? Of course you do....What we are talking about is a golden political opportunity for politicians to use the current financial crisis to fundamentally change an economy that has been successful for more than two centuries, so that politicians can henceforth micro-manage all sorts of businesses and play Robin Hood, taking from those who are not likely to vote for them and transferring part of their earnings to those who will vote for them.
Whatever the merits of trying to shore up some financial institutions, in order to prevent a major disruption of the credit flows that keep the whole economy going, what has in fact been done has been to create a huge pot of money-- hundreds of billions of dollars-- that politicians can use to give out goodies hither and yon, to whomever they please for whatever reason they please.And here's the most curious verse in the entire epistle that Saint Thomas has given us....
Much as we may deplore partisanship in Washington, bipartisan disasters are often twice as bad as partisan disasters-- and this is a bipartisan disaster in the making.We don't deplore partisanship in Washington, do we? No. We love it. But Saint Thomas's ways are not our ways. We must trust him and his word, and rest assured that this is not a mistake in Holy Scripture.
There is no reason for our government to be transferring all this wealth from the poor to the rich. None whatsoever.
The man has spoken.
Thus endeth the reading from The Gospel According To Saint Thomas.
You may be seated.
The End Of Chicken Stacking In California
My Aggie daughter came home from College Station this past weekend, and she was outraged.
Unlike most large packs of academics, the A&M tribe seems to be somewhere off to the right of Barry Goldwater.
Unlike most large packs of academics, the A&M tribe seems to be somewhere off to the right of Barry Goldwater.
(A friend of mine sent me a press release today about A&M's Young Conservatives losing their faculty advisor....He was rumored to have an Obama sign in his yard. In the same link, check out the Young Conservatives' response to the "demonization" of the despicable William Ayers. The demonization of William Ayers, in my opinion, is like the demonization of Timothy McVeigh....just because the bastard failed to kill a couple of hundred people doesn't get him off the hook.)
Anyway, back to my point.... My Aggie's Animal Science professor had gotten the students worked up over California voters passing Proposition 2, a ballot initiative that regulates the minimum amount of space in which farm animals can be confined.
(Proposition 2 shouldn't be confused with Proposition 8. Proposition 8 is the California ballot initiative that regulates the type of marriage arrangements within which two people can be confined.)
Some obvious abuses have already been identified and partially eliminated in the cattle, swine, and of course the infamous veal calf industry. But my little Aggie was still angry, saying that the government had gone too far this time. She was under the impression that stackable A-frame chicken cages would be slowly outlawed in the course of a 5-year phase out.
Well, dang it, any professor who works Anti-Big Government rants into his VooDoo Arts Of Animal Healing lectures should have my full support. (She was bothered enough about it to demand that I go online and write something about governmental over-reach in California's stackable chicken industry.)
This is a PDF of the request for a ballot proposal.
Here's the Oakland Tribune.
Here's the L.A. Times.
Here's the San Francisco Chronicle.
And here's the always helpful Wikipedia, which claims that actress Alicia Silverstone supported the proposition. The L.A. Times and the San Francisco Chronicle opposed it. Alicia Silverstone, star of "Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed", prevailed in the voting.
Here's what the thing amounted to: Cattle were lumped into the same category as poulty, mostly for emotional reasons. (Voters don't give a rip about chickens.) But California doesn't have a significant Cattle industry. California, until election day, had a huge poultry/egg industry.
The passage of Proposition 2 basically ends the industry in that state. California's Chicken Stackers are going to relocate elsewhere in the next 5 years.
(I've tried for two minutes to think of a closing sentence with the phrase "flew the coop", but I've failed. Be grateful.)
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Obama and FDR
Here are the unemployment figures from Franklin Delano Roosevelt's years in office. All numbers are from "Info Please". I have no idea why they only listed the even-numbered years, but this is enough for you to get the picture:
1932 - 23.6%
1934 - 21.7%
1936 - 16.9%
1938 - 19%
1940 - 14.6%
1942 - 4.7%
1944 - 1.2%
"The Day That Will Live In Infamy", when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor, was December 7, 1941. That got the country onto a wartime footing and virtually eliminated unemployment (along with many of FDR's economics experiments.) There were already a few signs of a recovery in the making by 12-7-41, but scattered experts are starting to question the wisdom of FDR's big government economic recovery plans.
FDR's New Deal took a generic recession and turned it into a prolonged depression.
One of the main reasons the recovery took so long? (Besides punitive tariffs that virtually shut down worldwide trade?) Nobody knew what sort of crazed recovery experiment FDR And His Band Of Merry Meddlers would throw at them next. Most people were afraid to invest in anything, for fear that the rules would change in the next "experiment".
Two UCLA economists have studied FDR's track record, and decided that FDR's New Deal experiments with the economy prolonged the Great Depression for 7 years.
Here's my favorite quote from the link above: "The fact that the Depression dragged on for years convinced generations of economists and policy-makers that capitalism could not be trusted to recover from depressions and that significant government intervention was required to achieve good outcomes," Cole said. "Ironically, our work shows that the recovery would have been very rapid had the government not intervened."
Here's a video of the Obamessiah, parachuting in from Chicago to announce his Economic Recovery team. Of particular note is Timothy F. Geithner, president and CEO of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, who will serve as Secretary of the Treasury.
Two UCLA economists have studied FDR's track record, and decided that FDR's New Deal experiments with the economy prolonged the Great Depression for 7 years.
Here's my favorite quote from the link above: "The fact that the Depression dragged on for years convinced generations of economists and policy-makers that capitalism could not be trusted to recover from depressions and that significant government intervention was required to achieve good outcomes," Cole said. "Ironically, our work shows that the recovery would have been very rapid had the government not intervened."
Here's a video of the Obamessiah, parachuting in from Chicago to announce his Economic Recovery team. Of particular note is Timothy F. Geithner, president and CEO of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, who will serve as Secretary of the Treasury.
Here's the Washington Post on Mr. Geithner: "Like (Hank) Paulson, Geithner believes that the Treasury should be given vast powers to develop experimental strategies for responding to the crisis and the flexibility to abandon them if they don't work.
May God have mercy on our souls. What's the next trick we're going to pull from the FDR playbook, punitive tariffs "to perteckt Amurrican jobs"????? (Well, yeah, The Obamessiah has already said that he plans to renegotiate NAFTA, and the Colombia Free Trade Agreement appears to be on life support. Please hit the Colombia Free Trade Agreement link. It's a good one.)
So, if you read the UCLA wisdom, do you think FDR's 7 years of Bold Experimentation ended the Great Depression? Or do you think it was the events of December 7, 1941?
Please remember....the Japanese are now our allies. We can't count on them to bail us out by bombing us this time.
Monday, November 24, 2008
What If They Had A Coup, And Nobody Came?
Someeone named Lee Stranahan recently wrote this essay for The Huffington Post.
The Italics are Mr. Stranahan's text. Everything else is an ill-advised rant on my part.
Hey, Ron Paul Republicans !?! It's Time For A GOP Palace Coup !
With all the party and media babble about who is better equipped to take over the Republican party in the wake of the bloodbath of the '08 election, it's impressive how deeply the pundits have been able to repress the memory of the Ron Paul campaign.
Ah, yes. Ron Paul. Dr. Ron Paul. The guy who got a lot of people excited, and raised a lot of money, but couldn't turn any of that small government excitement into Republican Party delegates.
After all, compare the Ron Paul 'Revolution' campaign with Barack Obama's now acknowledged electoral genius. That stuff Republicans are now realizing they have to do in the future? Paul did it months ago. Excited new voters beyond the base? Check. Raised massive amounts of money from small donations online? Ditto. Legions of creative people generating their own campaign content on YouTube and beyond? Did it. Young voters? Had those.
Had a coherent governing philosophy, instead of acting like a human weather vane? Check. Predicted our current financial crisis? Check. Isn't afraid to sound the alarm about the Fed printing money as if it doesn't have to be "backed" by anything, which, come to think of it, it isn't? Check. Wrote the best book I read this year, "Revolution: A Manifesto"? Check.
The biggest problem for Ron Paul and his supporters is the turd-in-the-punchbowl way they were treated by the Republicans. Remember Rudy's snide confusion over the idea that the United State's foreign policy may have somehow have been a factor in why the U.S. was attacked on 9/11? Recall the debate shunning?
Yes, we recall the debate shunning. And the day after that debate, Ron Paul started raking in money with both hands and a leaf-blower.
But look how things have changed. McCain's psuedo-maverick-ism tore the Republicans a gaping new one after they collectively rejected Ron Paul; the only candidate with ideas for real, actual change...such as ending the Iraq War.
Or harnessing the Fed, or ending all of our mindless subsidies and quotas and set-asides, and increasing both economic and personal freedom.
The beauty of the current GOP anarchy is that it may present the perfect chance for the anarachists to take over the establishment. Or the anarcho-capitalists or limited government small L libertarians and or whatever y'all can agree on. (And good luck on that -- agreement isn't what libertarians do well.) The party is ripe for the taking. Ripe, I say!
Yessir, it's ripe for the taking. But I don't think the small L (and especially the big L) Libertarians want any part of it. You know why most Libertarians don't want any part of the Republican party? BECAUSE IT HAS REPUBLICANS POLITICIANS IN IT ! ! ! BIG GOVERNMENT, BIG SPENDING, WORSE THAN DEMOCRATS, PRAYER IN THE SCHOOLS DEMOGOGUING, MILITARY-INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX LOVING, FARMER SUBSIDIZING, NATION BUILDING, TAX AND SPENDING, BUDGET BUSTING, HOMOPHOBIC REPUBLICAN POLITICIANS. (But other than that, I'm sure it's a fine organization....)
Let's think about it a while longer.
No.
It's got high name recognition and if the two logo choices are the elephant or the donkey, I think the elephant wins. Sure, you don't want most of the people left behind after the Obama rapture devastated Karl Rove's dream of a Permanent Republican Majority and sent anyone with a bow tie, an IQ of over 100 and a dog earned copy of Atlas Shrugged floating off to conservative Valhalla.
If you've got an IQ of over 100 and a dog-eared copy of Atlas Shrugged, you probably already abandoned the Elephant Party several years ago, and left it in the hands of the anti-gay/lesbian marriage people, the anti-abortion people, and the anti-gay adoption people.
The ragtag band of people that remain in the blue hats mainly agree that gays shouldn't marry and that straights can't have abortions and that the unmarried gays shouldn't adopt the babies that the non-aborting straights have.
(Lee Stranahan just said it a lot better than I did above.)
The appeal of Ron Paul was his ideas, not his lovable ole' funeral director looks. So it's time for someone to grab those ideas, grab the organizational skill of herding a bunch of individualists....
Individualists? Individualists? The outfit that has voted to Socialize The Banks, Bailout Wall Street, and that's about to Bailout The Big 3? You call those people invidualists?
....and grab control of the damn Republican party right now... before I have to listen to Mike Huckabee's jokes, Mitt Romney's dumb advice or Sarah Palin's effin' voice for the next four years.
The Italics are Mr. Stranahan's text. Everything else is an ill-advised rant on my part.
Hey, Ron Paul Republicans !?! It's Time For A GOP Palace Coup !
With all the party and media babble about who is better equipped to take over the Republican party in the wake of the bloodbath of the '08 election, it's impressive how deeply the pundits have been able to repress the memory of the Ron Paul campaign.
Ah, yes. Ron Paul. Dr. Ron Paul. The guy who got a lot of people excited, and raised a lot of money, but couldn't turn any of that small government excitement into Republican Party delegates.
After all, compare the Ron Paul 'Revolution' campaign with Barack Obama's now acknowledged electoral genius. That stuff Republicans are now realizing they have to do in the future? Paul did it months ago. Excited new voters beyond the base? Check. Raised massive amounts of money from small donations online? Ditto. Legions of creative people generating their own campaign content on YouTube and beyond? Did it. Young voters? Had those.
Had a coherent governing philosophy, instead of acting like a human weather vane? Check. Predicted our current financial crisis? Check. Isn't afraid to sound the alarm about the Fed printing money as if it doesn't have to be "backed" by anything, which, come to think of it, it isn't? Check. Wrote the best book I read this year, "Revolution: A Manifesto"? Check.
The biggest problem for Ron Paul and his supporters is the turd-in-the-punchbowl way they were treated by the Republicans. Remember Rudy's snide confusion over the idea that the United State's foreign policy may have somehow have been a factor in why the U.S. was attacked on 9/11? Recall the debate shunning?
Yes, we recall the debate shunning. And the day after that debate, Ron Paul started raking in money with both hands and a leaf-blower.
But look how things have changed. McCain's psuedo-maverick-ism tore the Republicans a gaping new one after they collectively rejected Ron Paul; the only candidate with ideas for real, actual change...such as ending the Iraq War.
Or harnessing the Fed, or ending all of our mindless subsidies and quotas and set-asides, and increasing both economic and personal freedom.
The beauty of the current GOP anarchy is that it may present the perfect chance for the anarachists to take over the establishment. Or the anarcho-capitalists or limited government small L libertarians and or whatever y'all can agree on. (And good luck on that -- agreement isn't what libertarians do well.) The party is ripe for the taking. Ripe, I say!
Yessir, it's ripe for the taking. But I don't think the small L (and especially the big L) Libertarians want any part of it. You know why most Libertarians don't want any part of the Republican party? BECAUSE IT HAS REPUBLICANS POLITICIANS IN IT ! ! ! BIG GOVERNMENT, BIG SPENDING, WORSE THAN DEMOCRATS, PRAYER IN THE SCHOOLS DEMOGOGUING, MILITARY-INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX LOVING, FARMER SUBSIDIZING, NATION BUILDING, TAX AND SPENDING, BUDGET BUSTING, HOMOPHOBIC REPUBLICAN POLITICIANS. (But other than that, I'm sure it's a fine organization....)
My mother sent me these pictures this morning. They're pictures of what happens if you build a hotel in the middle of an elephant trail. The elephants are accustomed to walking there. After all, it was their trail long before the hotel went up, and elephants have no concept of real estate transfers, the barter system, or property rights. Therefore, the elephants routinely stick to their established paths. They're going to do what they've always done, regardless of their new surroundings.
It doesn't take much imagination to see the metaphor here, does it?
It's weeks past the election. Everyone should have sobered up by now. The fact that there is a significant chunk of Republicans that are still crushing on Sarah Palin shows that it's time show the same mercy for the Grand Old Party that The Chief showed to Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest -- any sense of rational thought is gone, so pull out the pillow and start smothering until the kicking stops.
Now here's a tougher question. Do you want the Republican Party?Let's think about it a while longer.
No.
It's got high name recognition and if the two logo choices are the elephant or the donkey, I think the elephant wins. Sure, you don't want most of the people left behind after the Obama rapture devastated Karl Rove's dream of a Permanent Republican Majority and sent anyone with a bow tie, an IQ of over 100 and a dog earned copy of Atlas Shrugged floating off to conservative Valhalla.
If you've got an IQ of over 100 and a dog-eared copy of Atlas Shrugged, you probably already abandoned the Elephant Party several years ago, and left it in the hands of the anti-gay/lesbian marriage people, the anti-abortion people, and the anti-gay adoption people.
The ragtag band of people that remain in the blue hats mainly agree that gays shouldn't marry and that straights can't have abortions and that the unmarried gays shouldn't adopt the babies that the non-aborting straights have.
(Lee Stranahan just said it a lot better than I did above.)
The appeal of Ron Paul was his ideas, not his lovable ole' funeral director looks. So it's time for someone to grab those ideas, grab the organizational skill of herding a bunch of individualists....
Individualists? Individualists? The outfit that has voted to Socialize The Banks, Bailout Wall Street, and that's about to Bailout The Big 3? You call those people invidualists?
....and grab control of the damn Republican party right now... before I have to listen to Mike Huckabee's jokes, Mitt Romney's dumb advice or Sarah Palin's effin' voice for the next four years.
Mike Huckabee, please keep joking. Mitt, keep reminiscing about how yer daddy ran Detroit. Sarah, keep honking your vowels. The Republicans don't need Lee Stranahan. The Libertarians do.
This Is A Test.....This Is Only A Test.....
Ok, now that the election is over, I swear I'm seeing more Obama bumperstickers than I saw before election day.
Anyway, everyone that I know went to the polls and voted.
The question is, did you have any business voting? William in the Tarrant County Libertarian Meetup sent out a link to a Basic Civics Test to the TCLM members, and everyone who did well is spamming the hell out of everyone else's inbox with their high test scores.
Full Disclosure: I made an 84. I should have made an 89. I know the answer to question number two better than I know my child's birthday. I could correctly answer question number two during the biggest drop on The Texas Giant rollercoaster at 6 Flags. I could give you the correct answer to question number two during childbirth, as long as it was a woman birthing the child and not me. And I missed question #2. I just wasn't thinking.
I agree with my friend and former co-worker Tim Lebsack that there's some Big Government bias on question 30. (And who really gives a crap about Sputnik? We don't need no stinkin' Commie Sputnik ! Neil Armstrong was the one who brought dirt back.)
Take the test by hitting the link above, and get back to me.
According to the people who administer the test, the average college freshman scores a 52. After four years of college, the average senior scores a 54.
71 percent of Americans fail the test, with an overall average score of 49%.
Liberals score 49%;
Conservatives score 48%.
Republicans score 52%
Democrats score 45%.
(So far, the average Tarrant County Libertarian score is an 89%, but I'm only hearing from those who are proud of their achievement.)
Fewer than half of all Americans can name all three branches of government, a minimal requirement for understanding America’s constitutional system.
Only 24% of college graduates know the First Amendment prohibits establishing an official religion for the United States.
Government officeholders typically have less civic knowledge than the general public. On average, they score 44% - that's five percentage points lower than non-officeholders.
Lord have mercy.
At the risk of sounding like an interventionist.... if you scored below 70%, may I suggest a remedy?
"Parliament Of Whores", by P.J. O'Rourke. O'Rourke worked his way through the ranks at Rolling Stone, Car & Driver, American Spectator, and several other periodicals. This book is his attempt to explain how the government works. And it's hilarious. I can't recommend it highly enough.
And I'm still waiting on someone with the Tarrant County Libertarians to admit that he/she made less than a 70.
Am I alone in noticing this?
Anyway, everyone that I know went to the polls and voted.
The question is, did you have any business voting? William in the Tarrant County Libertarian Meetup sent out a link to a Basic Civics Test to the TCLM members, and everyone who did well is spamming the hell out of everyone else's inbox with their high test scores.
Full Disclosure: I made an 84. I should have made an 89. I know the answer to question number two better than I know my child's birthday. I could correctly answer question number two during the biggest drop on The Texas Giant rollercoaster at 6 Flags. I could give you the correct answer to question number two during childbirth, as long as it was a woman birthing the child and not me. And I missed question #2. I just wasn't thinking.
I agree with my friend and former co-worker Tim Lebsack that there's some Big Government bias on question 30. (And who really gives a crap about Sputnik? We don't need no stinkin' Commie Sputnik ! Neil Armstrong was the one who brought dirt back.)
Take the test by hitting the link above, and get back to me.
According to the people who administer the test, the average college freshman scores a 52. After four years of college, the average senior scores a 54.
71 percent of Americans fail the test, with an overall average score of 49%.
Liberals score 49%;
Conservatives score 48%.
Republicans score 52%
Democrats score 45%.
(So far, the average Tarrant County Libertarian score is an 89%, but I'm only hearing from those who are proud of their achievement.)
Fewer than half of all Americans can name all three branches of government, a minimal requirement for understanding America’s constitutional system.
Only 24% of college graduates know the First Amendment prohibits establishing an official religion for the United States.
Government officeholders typically have less civic knowledge than the general public. On average, they score 44% - that's five percentage points lower than non-officeholders.
Lord have mercy.
At the risk of sounding like an interventionist.... if you scored below 70%, may I suggest a remedy?
"Parliament Of Whores", by P.J. O'Rourke. O'Rourke worked his way through the ranks at Rolling Stone, Car & Driver, American Spectator, and several other periodicals. This book is his attempt to explain how the government works. And it's hilarious. I can't recommend it highly enough.
And I'm still waiting on someone with the Tarrant County Libertarians to admit that he/she made less than a 70.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
The Resurrection ! - Adapted For The Stage
I was in the downtown library this afternoon, and saw some papers sticking out of the top of "The Art and Craft of Playwriting", by Jeffery Hatcher. It turned out to be an interesting collection of emails, photocopies of the Bible, rough drafts, and script outlines. Lots and lots of outlines. I believe I have assembled everything from this correspondence in the correct order.
I hope I'm not violating anyone's privacy by publishing this, but it seems like a remarkable project that was abandoned too soon. I encourage others to try it.
*******************************
Jim,
I know we haven't talked or emailed recently, but I've been asked to "fix" the script for a stage version of The Life of Jesus. The group employing me believes that the Bible is the world's #1 bestseller because it is infallible and 100% free from any errors or mistakes. If that's the case, then it really is the highest quality product ever produced, right?
They see a huge market for a stage version. If they can produce an equally "inerrant" script, the dramatic/stage version should be as popular as the printed text. It should earn a fortune on Broadway, right?
The resurrection scene is giving us some trouble. Since there are five accounts of the event in the New Testament, the original playwright was having a hard time blending everything into a single narrative. This is my first time to be called in as a "script doctor".
Remember, this is only a rough draft, (see attachment) but please let me know what you think.
Your friend,
Brad
*********************************
The Resurrection - the infallible and inerrant stage version, rough draft #1, based on the book of Matthew.
Characters: Mary Magdalene, another woman named Mary, an Angel, Two guards, Jesus, Numerous Chief Priests and Elders, Eleven Disciples
Scene: Dawn, Monday in Jerusalem, Sometime around 33 C.E.
Stage design: In the middle of the stage is a tomb with a large stone that can be rolled away from the door as necessary. Overhead rigging is needed to lower an angel to the front of the tomb. To the right of the stage is lighting to simulate "dawn". All trees and bushes around the set must be shaken to simulate an earthquake. A large piece of sheet metal, hanging from a frame offstage, produces the sound of thunder for this earthquake. A mountain scene representing Galilee must be moved into place from stage right.
Mary Magdalene and Mary enter from stage left and approach the tomb. (Matthew 28:1) They're carrying extinguished oil lamps, (no longer burning because of the slowly rising sun). When they are a few feet away from the stone, there is a frightening earthquake. All trees and shrubbery shake violently and thunder echoes across the stage. (Matthew 28:2)
The Angel is lowered to the front of the tomb, and he/she/it rolls away the stone that blocks the door. Rolling away the stone requires superhuman effort and should be accompanied by dramatic music and much flexing and straining on the part of the angel. When finished, the angel calmly sits on top of the stone. The guards begin shaking with fear. The angel looks toward the two women.
Angel: (panting) "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you." (Matthew 28:7)
The women run away from the tomb, stage left. Suddenly Jesus steps in front of them from stage left.
Jesus: "Greetings". (Matthew 28:9)
The women fall to his feet.
Jesus: "Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me."
The women exit stage left. Jesus disappears backstage. The guards rise, rub their eyes, and begin walking downstage. The chief priests and elders enter from stage right.
Guard #1: We were guarding the tomb.
Guard #2: There was an earthquake.
Guard #1: An angel came down from heaven and rolled away the stone.
Guard #2: The angel told a couple of women that Jesus has risen. (Matthew 28:11)
The chief priests and elders participate in a brief huddle, then turn to the guards with bags of money.
Chief Priest: Here's some money. You are to say "His disciples came during the night and stole him away while you were asleep. If this report gets to the governor, we will satisfy him and keep you out of trouble." (Matthew 28:14)
The soldiers take the money and exit stage right.
The curtain briefly closes and re-opens to show a depiction of Galilee. Jesus appears to eleven disciples on top of a mountain. (Matthew 28:16)
Jesus: "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (Matthew 28:20)
Curtain
I LOVE what you've done so far. (How do you feel about the Olsen twins playing the two Marys? It's just a thought....)
However, I've got a few reservations about using only one source text to tell the story. There are three other gospels, right? See if you can work in some dialogue from those other guys.
I could see Russell Crowe as the angel. What do you think?
Thanks for the advice. In this next draft, (see attachment) I've tried to make the scene totally consistent with the book of Mark. It's been difficult, since the oldest manuscripts of Mark all end at verse 8 of Chapter 16. Not as much text to work with, but it is the account that most scholars believe was written first. I think it is much more human, more believable, and much more intense. Please let me know what you think. I'll combine it with the material in the previous version later.
Your friend,
Brad
I hate to tell you this, but I'm disappointed. What happened to the earthquake? What about the lightning? I thought this play had a huge special effects budget.....
What happened to the soldiers? How are we going to convince Russell Crowe to show up if he's just a young man in a white robe and not an angel?
Oh, and where is Jesus? You mean to tell me that you've written a scene about the resurrection of Jesus that doesn't include Jesus?
There's no dramatic arc to your story.
Mark is the oldest of the four Gospels, right? If that's the case, then lose him. Any Gospel author who writes an account of the Resurrection without including Jesus.....well, that writer doesn't have any business writing a Bible story.
You need some action. You need to add additional scenes. You need some music. The three women can't just leave the tomb and not tell anybody what they've seen. Is that really all there is in the book of Mark? Your latest draft makes "My Dinner With Andre" look like "Die Hard 3".
Show me what you can do.
******************************************
The Resurrection - the infallible and inerrant stage version, rough draft #3, based on the Gospel ofMatthew Mark Luke.
Characters: Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James, some other women, Two Men in Clothes that gleam like lightning, Jesus, two people going to Emmaus, and Eleven Disciples.
Scene: Sunrise, Monday in Jerusalem, Sometime around 33 C.E.
Stage design: In the middle of the stage is a tomb with a large stone placed to the left of the door. Several strips of linen litter the floor inside the tomb. Special lights are required for the two men in clothes that gleam like lightning.
Stage right represents a rural road for the scene going into Emmaus. A table is needed for the bread breaking in Emmaus. An area on the left side of the stage represents Bethany, where Jesus ascends to heaven. Rigging is required for an authentic ascension.
Mary Magdalene, Joanna, and Mary the mother of James enter from stage left and approach the tomb. Their lamps aren't burning, since it is already early morning (Luke 24:1) Through hand gestures, they express their surprise that the stone has already been rolled away from the entrance. Suddenly, two men in clothes that gleam like lightning appear before them. (Luke 24:4) The Women bow their heads to the ground in fear.
Two men in clothes that gleam like lightning: "Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here' he has risen ! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: 'The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.' " (Luke 24:7)
The women walk away from the tomb, stage left, where they are met by Eleven Disciples.
Mary: We were going to the tomb to prepare Jesus' body with spices, but the body was missing. Two men in clothes that gleam like lightning told us that Jesus wasn't there, and that he'd risen. Remember when Jesus said he'd be crucified and on the third day be raised again?" (Luke 24:9)
The disciples scratch their heads, trying to remember if Jesus ever said any such thing.
Disciples: We don't believe you. Your words, to us, sound like nonsense. (Luke 24:11)
Peter runs into the tomb, bends over, and looks at the strips of linen littering the floor. He walks away, wondering what really happened. (Luke 24:12) Peter doesn't want to return to his fishing career, and wonders if there might be some way to make some money off all this.
Resurrection Appearances Montage
From the orchestra pit comes the piano introduction to a familiar song. At first it is too faint to be heard clearly, but after about 30 seconds (which gives the crew time to set up the scene on the Road To Emmaus) we recognize it as Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You".
Whitney Houston (sung): "If I should stay,
I would only be in your way.
So I'll go, but I know
I'll think of you every step of the way."
Two People Going To Emmaus enter from stage right. (Luke 24:13) Jesus approaches from backstage and begins walking with them. They read the lengthy dialogue found in Luke 24:17-27.
Whitney Houston:
"And I......will always
Love youuuuuuu....
I will alwaaaaaaayss
Loooooove Youuuuuuu..."
The two men invite Jesus to stay with them in Emmaus, and they approach the table at stage left, where Jesus breaks bread, gives thanks, and gives them pieces of the bread. There is a blinding flash of light, and Jesus disappears. (Luke 24:31)
One Of The Men Going To Emmaus: Hey, that was Jesus ! It had to be ! I wonder why we couldn't recognize him?
The Second Man Going to Emmaus: Yeah, it had to have been Jesus. Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us? (Luke 24:32)
The two men begin the long run from Emmaus to Jerusalem, a journey of 7 miles. (Luke 24:33)
Whitney Houston:
"I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all
you've dreamed of.
And I wish you joy
and happiness.
But above all this,
I wish you looooove."
The two men continue to simulate running in place toward Jerusalem. Assuming world record 4-minute miles, this scene will last 28 minutes or longer. Be prepared to play the Whitney Houston recording as many times as necessary.
Whitney Houston:
"And I......will always
Love youuuuuuu....
I will alwaaaaaaayss
Loooooove Youuuuuuu..."
The two men finally return to Jerusalem, where they find the remaining eleven disciples, plus some hangers-on.
Two Men: It's true ! The Lord has risen and has appeared to Simon. We were walking to Emmaus, and a man joined us on the road. We didn't recognize him until he broke some bread. Jesus always had a very distinctive way of breaking bread ! (Luke 24:35)
The Disciples: (Talk amongst themselves)
At this point, they look around and see that Jesus is standing among them.
Jesus: Peace be with you. (Luke 24:36)
The disciples begin to tremble with fear. As the instrumental music continues, Jesus recites the verses found in Luke 24:38-49, while allowing the disciples to see his wounded hands and feet, and eating some fish (Luke 24:43).
Jesus leads them to an area representing the town of Bethany. He lifts his hands to bless them, and then begins to slowly ascend to heaven. (Luke 24:51)
Whitney Houston:
"And I......will always
Love youuuuuuu....
I will alwaaaaaaayss
Loooooove Youuuuuuu..."
Curtain
***************************************
Dear Brad,
Now you're on to something. You can make this work. I don't know how you're going to reconcile the action in this draft with the first two, but at least you've got a decent storyline to work with.
Why didn't they include all this great material in the older versions? And I'm glad we're back to having two angels, or men in clothes that look like lightning. Russell Crowe and Hugh Jackman, maybe? I've become interested in this, and have started doing some reading on my own. Please send me your treatment from the Gospel of John as soon as you finish it.
-Jim
***************************************
The Resurrection - the infallible and inerrant stage version, rough draft #4, based on the Gospel ofMatthew Mark Luke John.
Characters: Mary Magdalene, Simon Peter, The Disciple That Jesus Loved, Two Angels In White, Jesus, Thomas, The other disciples
Scene: Before Sunrise, while it is still dark. Monday in Jerusalem, Sometime around 33 C.E.
Stage design: In the middle of the stage is a tomb with a large stone placed to the left of the door. Several strips of linen litter the floor inside the tomb. Over the stage are several small spotlights, which illuminate the main characters in the pre-dawn darkness. There is a burial cloth on the floor that was once wrapped around Jesus' head. To the left of the stage is a small set representing a room in Jerusalem. Another backdrop represents the Sea of Tiberias. A boat large enough to hold several disciples waits offstage, and holds a net. Inside the net are 153 fish. (152 obviously wouldn't be enough. 154, of course, is too many.)
Mary Magdalene enters from stage left. She is carrying a functioning oil lamp, since it is still dark (John 20:1). The flame from her lamp is the only thing visible in the darkness. A spotlight gradually comes on to reveal Mary Magdalene to the audience. She walks to the tomb in the dark, and holds the lamp inside to see that the stone has been removed from the entrance, turns around and returns to Stage Left, where she sees Simon Peter and The Disciple That Jesus Loved (TDTJL - John 20:2).
Mary Magdalene: They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don't know where they hav put him !
Simon Peter and TDTJL run toward the tomb, and TDTJL arrives first. TDTJL looks into the tomb, but doesn't go inside. Simon Peter walks into the tomb and sees the burial cloths on the floor. TDTJL then goes inside. They don't understand that Jesus has risen from the dead (John 20:9). They are puzzled.
Everyone leaves the tomb to go home except Mary Magdalene, who stands outside the tomb crying. While she is crying, she looks inside the tomb and seesRussell Crowe and Hugh Jackman two angels dressed in white. They are seated in the area where Jesus' body had been.
Two Angels: Woman, why are you crying?
Mary Magdalene: They have taken my Lord away, and I don't know where they have put him.
Jesus suddenly appears outside the tomb. Mary Magdalene doesn't realize that it is Jesus. She thinks he is a gardener.
Jesus: Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?
Mary Magdalene: Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.
Jesus: Mary.
Mary Magdalene: Teacher !
Mary Magdalene moves toward Jesus, arms open wide. Jesus remembers Mary Magdalene's former profession, and that the two angels are still watching, and that angels tend to gossip.
Jesus: Do not hold onto me, for I have not yet returned to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, 'I am returning to my Father, to my God and your God.' "
Mary Magdalene runs to Stage Right, where the disciples are waiting in a locked house, since they are afraid of Jews (John 20:19)
From the orchestra pit comes the piano introduction to a familiar song. It's too soft to recognize at first, but we later recognize R Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly".
R Kelly: "I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly"
Jesus leaves the room, and begins performing miracles and other miraculous signs. He gives sight to the blind, causes the lame to walk, and bails out the Big 3 chariot makers.
There is a brief curtain to set up the Sea Of Tiberias scene.
The Voice Of James Earl Jones/Narrator: Afterward Jesus appeared again to his disciples by the Sea of Tiberias. It happened this way: Simon Peter, Thomas, Nathanael, the sons of Zebedee, and two other disciples were together. So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing. (John 21:3)
Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus.
Jesus: Had any luck yet? Are they biting? What are you using for bait? Caught anything yet? (John 21:5)
Disciples (irritated): No.
Jesus: Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.
The disciples struggle to bring their nets on board because of all the fish. (John 21:6)
R Kelly: See I was on the verge of breaking down
Sometimes silence can seem so loud
There are miracles in life I must achieve
But first I know it starts inside of me oohh
If I can see it, then I can be it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it...
I believe I can fly....
Simon Peter jumps into the water with his corner of the net. The other disciples remain in the boat, pulling the net full of 153 fish. By the time they arrive on shore, Jesus has a fire going and some fish cooking. (John 21:9)
Jesus: Bring some of the fish you just caught.
They drag the net to dry land.
Jesus: Come have some breakfast. (John 21:12)
Voice Of James Earl Jones/Narrator: None of the disciples dared ask him, "Who are you?" They knew it was the Lord.....
Jesus takes the bread and gives it to the disciples, along with some fish.
Voice Of James Earl Jones/Narrator: This was now the third time Jesus appeared to his disciples after he was raised from the dead.
Jesus, Simon Peter, TDTJL, and the other disciples give a straightforward reading of the dialogue found in John 21: 15-24.
Voice Of James Earl Jones/Narrator: Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written. (John 21:25)
Curtain
*******************************
Brad,
That last line of you latest draft...."If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written."
All I can say is, thank God we don't have those other books to worry about.
I do have one other suggestion for you. In an earlier email, I told you I've been doing some reading on my own. I Corinthians, chapter 15, verses 3 though 8? Have you ever read it?
Paul says in I Corinthians that after Jesus rose on the third day after his crucifixion, Jesus first appeared to Peter, then to the Twelve Disciples, then to 500 other people, then to James, then to the apostles, and then to him (Paul).
That's supposed to be infallible and without error also, right? Why don't you start with that, and then see how you can make the gospel stories fit into Paul's I Corinthians story?
Just a suggestion.....
Your friend,
Jim
***************************
Jim,
I hate to tell you, but I've given up on this project. I've used up 15 legal pads, two Bibles, and countless hours on the internet trying to make the pieces of this puzzle fit together. All of the funding for the Off-Broadway production has dried up; the producers are now working on a stage play that will explain Fidel Castro's role in The Kennedy Assassination.
I didn't even make it to Paul's story in I Corinthians. I wish you hadn't sent those verses to me. They make my head hurt. I don't remember how Paul died, but I hope it was painful.
I've been reading a lot also, mostly books by a guy named Dan Barker.
I'm also interested in some guys named Marcus Borg and John Shelby Spong, and anyone else who doesn't use the words "inerrant" or "infallible".
Your friend,
Brad
I hope I'm not violating anyone's privacy by publishing this, but it seems like a remarkable project that was abandoned too soon. I encourage others to try it.
*******************************
Jim,
I know we haven't talked or emailed recently, but I've been asked to "fix" the script for a stage version of The Life of Jesus. The group employing me believes that the Bible is the world's #1 bestseller because it is infallible and 100% free from any errors or mistakes. If that's the case, then it really is the highest quality product ever produced, right?
They see a huge market for a stage version. If they can produce an equally "inerrant" script, the dramatic/stage version should be as popular as the printed text. It should earn a fortune on Broadway, right?
The resurrection scene is giving us some trouble. Since there are five accounts of the event in the New Testament, the original playwright was having a hard time blending everything into a single narrative. This is my first time to be called in as a "script doctor".
Remember, this is only a rough draft, (see attachment) but please let me know what you think.
Your friend,
Brad
*********************************
The Resurrection - the infallible and inerrant stage version, rough draft #1, based on the book of Matthew.
Characters: Mary Magdalene, another woman named Mary, an Angel, Two guards, Jesus, Numerous Chief Priests and Elders, Eleven Disciples
Scene: Dawn, Monday in Jerusalem, Sometime around 33 C.E.
Stage design: In the middle of the stage is a tomb with a large stone that can be rolled away from the door as necessary. Overhead rigging is needed to lower an angel to the front of the tomb. To the right of the stage is lighting to simulate "dawn". All trees and bushes around the set must be shaken to simulate an earthquake. A large piece of sheet metal, hanging from a frame offstage, produces the sound of thunder for this earthquake. A mountain scene representing Galilee must be moved into place from stage right.
Mary Magdalene and Mary enter from stage left and approach the tomb. (Matthew 28:1) They're carrying extinguished oil lamps, (no longer burning because of the slowly rising sun). When they are a few feet away from the stone, there is a frightening earthquake. All trees and shrubbery shake violently and thunder echoes across the stage. (Matthew 28:2)
The Angel is lowered to the front of the tomb, and he/she/it rolls away the stone that blocks the door. Rolling away the stone requires superhuman effort and should be accompanied by dramatic music and much flexing and straining on the part of the angel. When finished, the angel calmly sits on top of the stone. The guards begin shaking with fear. The angel looks toward the two women.
Angel: (panting) "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you." (Matthew 28:7)
The women run away from the tomb, stage left. Suddenly Jesus steps in front of them from stage left.
Jesus: "Greetings". (Matthew 28:9)
The women fall to his feet.
Jesus: "Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me."
The women exit stage left. Jesus disappears backstage. The guards rise, rub their eyes, and begin walking downstage. The chief priests and elders enter from stage right.
Guard #1: We were guarding the tomb.
Guard #2: There was an earthquake.
Guard #1: An angel came down from heaven and rolled away the stone.
Guard #2: The angel told a couple of women that Jesus has risen. (Matthew 28:11)
The chief priests and elders participate in a brief huddle, then turn to the guards with bags of money.
Chief Priest: Here's some money. You are to say "His disciples came during the night and stole him away while you were asleep. If this report gets to the governor, we will satisfy him and keep you out of trouble." (Matthew 28:14)
The soldiers take the money and exit stage right.
The curtain briefly closes and re-opens to show a depiction of Galilee. Jesus appears to eleven disciples on top of a mountain. (Matthew 28:16)
Jesus: "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (Matthew 28:20)
Curtain
*****************************************************
Dear Brad, I LOVE what you've done so far. (How do you feel about the Olsen twins playing the two Marys? It's just a thought....)
However, I've got a few reservations about using only one source text to tell the story. There are three other gospels, right? See if you can work in some dialogue from those other guys.
I could see Russell Crowe as the angel. What do you think?
-Jim
**********************************************************
Jim,Thanks for the advice. In this next draft, (see attachment) I've tried to make the scene totally consistent with the book of Mark. It's been difficult, since the oldest manuscripts of Mark all end at verse 8 of Chapter 16. Not as much text to work with, but it is the account that most scholars believe was written first. I think it is much more human, more believable, and much more intense. Please let me know what you think. I'll combine it with the material in the previous version later.
Your friend,
Brad
The Resurrection - the infallible and inerrant stage version, rough draft #2, based on the book of Matthew and Mark.
Characters: Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, an Angel, Two guards, Jesus, Numerous Chief Priests and Elders, Eleven Disciples, Salome, who carries a basket of spices, A Young Man in a white robe.
Scene: Sunrise, Monday in Jerusalem, Sometime around 33 C.E.
Stage design: In the middle of the stage is a tomb with a large stone that can be rolled away from the door as necessary is carefully placed to the left of the open door of the tomb. Rigging must be in place to lower an angel to the front of the tomb The Young Man in the white robe is waiting inside the tomb as the curtain rises. All trees and bushes around the set must be shaken to simulate an earthquake. A large piece of sheet metal is necessary to produce the sound of thunder associated with the earthquake. A mountain scene representing Galilee must be moved into place from state right.
Mary Magdalene and Mary and Salome (with a basket of spices) enter from stage left and approach the tomb. (Mark 16:1)
Salome: "Who will roll the stone away from the entrance of the tomb?" (Mark 16:3)
As they approach the tomb, they slap themselves on their foreheads in amazement. The stone has already been rolled away. (Mark 16:4) The three women walk inside the tomb, where they see the Young Man In A White Robe. They are obviously alarmed. (Mark 16:5)When they are a few feet away from the stone, there is a frightening earthquake. All trees and shrubbery shake violently and thunder echoes across the stage.
The Angel is lowered to the front of the tomb, and he/she/it rolls away the stone, then sits on top of it. The guards begin shaking with fear.
Angel: "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you."
The women run away from the tomb, stage left. Suddenly Jesus steps in front of them from stage left.
Young Man In A White Robe: "Don't be alarmed. You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen ! He is not here. See the place where they laid him. But go, tell his disciples and Peter, 'He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.'" (Mark 16:7)
Jesus: "Greetings".
The women fall to his feet.
Jesus: "Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me."
The women exit stage left. Jesus disappears backstage. The guards rise, rub their eyes, and begin walking downstage. The chief priests and elders enter from stage right.
Guard #1: We were guarding the tomb.
Guard #2: There was an earthquake.
Guard #1: An angel came down from heaven and rolled away the stone.
Guard #2: The angel told a couple of women that Jesus has risen.
The chief priests and elders participate in a brief huddle, then turn to the guards.
Chief Priest: Here's some money. You are to say "His disciples came during the night and stole him away while you were asleep. If this report gets to the governor, we will satisfy him and keep you out of trouble."
The soldiers take the money and exit stage right.
The curtain briefly closes and re-opens to show a depiction of Galilee. Jesus appears to eleven disciples on top of a mountain.
Jesus: "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
The women run from the tomb, stage left, trembling and bewildered. They say nothing to anyone, because they are obviously afraid. (Mark 16:8)
Curtain
**********************************************
Dear Brad,I hate to tell you this, but I'm disappointed. What happened to the earthquake? What about the lightning? I thought this play had a huge special effects budget.....
What happened to the soldiers? How are we going to convince Russell Crowe to show up if he's just a young man in a white robe and not an angel?
Oh, and where is Jesus? You mean to tell me that you've written a scene about the resurrection of Jesus that doesn't include Jesus?
There's no dramatic arc to your story.
Mark is the oldest of the four Gospels, right? If that's the case, then lose him. Any Gospel author who writes an account of the Resurrection without including Jesus.....well, that writer doesn't have any business writing a Bible story.
You need some action. You need to add additional scenes. You need some music. The three women can't just leave the tomb and not tell anybody what they've seen. Is that really all there is in the book of Mark? Your latest draft makes "My Dinner With Andre" look like "Die Hard 3".
Show me what you can do.
-Jim
******************************************
The Resurrection - the infallible and inerrant stage version, rough draft #3, based on the Gospel of
Characters: Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James, some other women, Two Men in Clothes that gleam like lightning, Jesus, two people going to Emmaus, and Eleven Disciples.
Scene: Sunrise, Monday in Jerusalem, Sometime around 33 C.E.
Stage design: In the middle of the stage is a tomb with a large stone placed to the left of the door. Several strips of linen litter the floor inside the tomb. Special lights are required for the two men in clothes that gleam like lightning.
Stage right represents a rural road for the scene going into Emmaus. A table is needed for the bread breaking in Emmaus. An area on the left side of the stage represents Bethany, where Jesus ascends to heaven. Rigging is required for an authentic ascension.
Mary Magdalene, Joanna, and Mary the mother of James enter from stage left and approach the tomb. Their lamps aren't burning, since it is already early morning (Luke 24:1) Through hand gestures, they express their surprise that the stone has already been rolled away from the entrance. Suddenly, two men in clothes that gleam like lightning appear before them. (Luke 24:4) The Women bow their heads to the ground in fear.
Two men in clothes that gleam like lightning: "Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here' he has risen ! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: 'The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.' " (Luke 24:7)
The women walk away from the tomb, stage left, where they are met by Eleven Disciples.
Mary: We were going to the tomb to prepare Jesus' body with spices, but the body was missing. Two men in clothes that gleam like lightning told us that Jesus wasn't there, and that he'd risen. Remember when Jesus said he'd be crucified and on the third day be raised again?" (Luke 24:9)
The disciples scratch their heads, trying to remember if Jesus ever said any such thing.
Disciples: We don't believe you. Your words, to us, sound like nonsense. (Luke 24:11)
Peter runs into the tomb, bends over, and looks at the strips of linen littering the floor. He walks away, wondering what really happened. (Luke 24:12) Peter doesn't want to return to his fishing career, and wonders if there might be some way to make some money off all this.
Resurrection Appearances Montage
From the orchestra pit comes the piano introduction to a familiar song. At first it is too faint to be heard clearly, but after about 30 seconds (which gives the crew time to set up the scene on the Road To Emmaus) we recognize it as Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You".
Whitney Houston (sung): "If I should stay,
I would only be in your way.
So I'll go, but I know
I'll think of you every step of the way."
Two People Going To Emmaus enter from stage right. (Luke 24:13) Jesus approaches from backstage and begins walking with them. They read the lengthy dialogue found in Luke 24:17-27.
Whitney Houston:
"And I......will always
Love youuuuuuu....
I will alwaaaaaaayss
Loooooove Youuuuuuu..."
The two men invite Jesus to stay with them in Emmaus, and they approach the table at stage left, where Jesus breaks bread, gives thanks, and gives them pieces of the bread. There is a blinding flash of light, and Jesus disappears. (Luke 24:31)
One Of The Men Going To Emmaus: Hey, that was Jesus ! It had to be ! I wonder why we couldn't recognize him?
The Second Man Going to Emmaus: Yeah, it had to have been Jesus. Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us? (Luke 24:32)
The two men begin the long run from Emmaus to Jerusalem, a journey of 7 miles. (Luke 24:33)
Whitney Houston:
"I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all
you've dreamed of.
And I wish you joy
and happiness.
But above all this,
I wish you looooove."
The two men continue to simulate running in place toward Jerusalem. Assuming world record 4-minute miles, this scene will last 28 minutes or longer. Be prepared to play the Whitney Houston recording as many times as necessary.
Whitney Houston:
"And I......will always
Love youuuuuuu....
I will alwaaaaaaayss
Loooooove Youuuuuuu..."
The two men finally return to Jerusalem, where they find the remaining eleven disciples, plus some hangers-on.
Two Men: It's true ! The Lord has risen and has appeared to Simon. We were walking to Emmaus, and a man joined us on the road. We didn't recognize him until he broke some bread. Jesus always had a very distinctive way of breaking bread ! (Luke 24:35)
The Disciples: (Talk amongst themselves)
At this point, they look around and see that Jesus is standing among them.
Jesus: Peace be with you. (Luke 24:36)
The disciples begin to tremble with fear. As the instrumental music continues, Jesus recites the verses found in Luke 24:38-49, while allowing the disciples to see his wounded hands and feet, and eating some fish (Luke 24:43).
Jesus leads them to an area representing the town of Bethany. He lifts his hands to bless them, and then begins to slowly ascend to heaven. (Luke 24:51)
Whitney Houston:
"And I......will always
Love youuuuuuu....
I will alwaaaaaaayss
Loooooove Youuuuuuu..."
Curtain
***************************************
Dear Brad,
Now you're on to something. You can make this work. I don't know how you're going to reconcile the action in this draft with the first two, but at least you've got a decent storyline to work with.
Why didn't they include all this great material in the older versions? And I'm glad we're back to having two angels, or men in clothes that look like lightning. Russell Crowe and Hugh Jackman, maybe? I've become interested in this, and have started doing some reading on my own. Please send me your treatment from the Gospel of John as soon as you finish it.
-Jim
***************************************
The Resurrection - the infallible and inerrant stage version, rough draft #4, based on the Gospel of
Characters: Mary Magdalene, Simon Peter, The Disciple That Jesus Loved, Two Angels In White, Jesus, Thomas, The other disciples
Scene: Before Sunrise, while it is still dark. Monday in Jerusalem, Sometime around 33 C.E.
Stage design: In the middle of the stage is a tomb with a large stone placed to the left of the door. Several strips of linen litter the floor inside the tomb. Over the stage are several small spotlights, which illuminate the main characters in the pre-dawn darkness. There is a burial cloth on the floor that was once wrapped around Jesus' head. To the left of the stage is a small set representing a room in Jerusalem. Another backdrop represents the Sea of Tiberias. A boat large enough to hold several disciples waits offstage, and holds a net. Inside the net are 153 fish. (152 obviously wouldn't be enough. 154, of course, is too many.)
Mary Magdalene enters from stage left. She is carrying a functioning oil lamp, since it is still dark (John 20:1). The flame from her lamp is the only thing visible in the darkness. A spotlight gradually comes on to reveal Mary Magdalene to the audience. She walks to the tomb in the dark, and holds the lamp inside to see that the stone has been removed from the entrance, turns around and returns to Stage Left, where she sees Simon Peter and The Disciple That Jesus Loved (TDTJL - John 20:2).
Mary Magdalene: They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don't know where they hav put him !
Simon Peter and TDTJL run toward the tomb, and TDTJL arrives first. TDTJL looks into the tomb, but doesn't go inside. Simon Peter walks into the tomb and sees the burial cloths on the floor. TDTJL then goes inside. They don't understand that Jesus has risen from the dead (John 20:9). They are puzzled.
Everyone leaves the tomb to go home except Mary Magdalene, who stands outside the tomb crying. While she is crying, she looks inside the tomb and sees
Two Angels: Woman, why are you crying?
Mary Magdalene: They have taken my Lord away, and I don't know where they have put him.
Jesus suddenly appears outside the tomb. Mary Magdalene doesn't realize that it is Jesus. She thinks he is a gardener.
Jesus: Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?
Mary Magdalene: Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.
Jesus: Mary.
Mary Magdalene: Teacher !
Mary Magdalene moves toward Jesus, arms open wide. Jesus remembers Mary Magdalene's former profession, and that the two angels are still watching, and that angels tend to gossip.
Jesus: Do not hold onto me, for I have not yet returned to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, 'I am returning to my Father, to my God and your God.' "
Mary Magdalene runs to Stage Right, where the disciples are waiting in a locked house, since they are afraid of Jews (John 20:19)
Mary Magdalene: I have seen the Lord !
As Mary Magdalene is telling the disciples all the other things that happened, Jesus suddenly appears among them. Andrew, one of the disciples, rises to check the locks. Andrew is obviously concerned that despite all his precautions, a Jew got in the house.
Jesus: Peace be with you !
Jesus shows the disciples his hands and side. The disciples are overjoyed. (John 20:20)
Jesus: Peace be with you ! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.
Jesus breathes on them, laying the groundwork for the doctrine of The Trinity in about 300 more years.
Jesus: Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive anyone his sins, they are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven. (John 20:22)
The disciples are obviously pleased to hear this, and appear to be drunk with power.
The curtain briefly closes, and re-opens to show the same room later that evening. Thomas is now at the center of the room.
Disciples: We have seen the Lord !
Thomas: Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it.
The curtain briefly closes, and re-opens to show all of the disciples in same room exactly one week later (John 20:26) as noted by a Page-A-Day calendar resting on a table near the front of the stage. Jesus suddenly appears among them. Once again, Andrew goes from door to door checking the locks.
Jesus: Peace be with you ! Thomas, put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop your doubting and believe.
Thomas simultaneously feels Jesus' right hand and left side. (The director should resist the temptation to have the two of them do a waltz while locked into this position. There is no mention of any dance is John's gospel.)
Thomas: My Lord and my God ! (John 20:28)
Jesus: Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.
The Voice Of James Earl Jones/Narrator: Jesus did many other miraculous signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not recorded in this book. But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name. (John 20:30-31)From the orchestra pit comes the piano introduction to a familiar song. It's too soft to recognize at first, but we later recognize R Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly".
R Kelly: "I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly"
Jesus leaves the room, and begins performing miracles and other miraculous signs. He gives sight to the blind, causes the lame to walk, and bails out the Big 3 chariot makers.
There is a brief curtain to set up the Sea Of Tiberias scene.
The Voice Of James Earl Jones/Narrator: Afterward Jesus appeared again to his disciples by the Sea of Tiberias. It happened this way: Simon Peter, Thomas, Nathanael, the sons of Zebedee, and two other disciples were together. So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing. (John 21:3)
Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus.
Jesus: Had any luck yet? Are they biting? What are you using for bait? Caught anything yet? (John 21:5)
Disciples (irritated): No.
Jesus: Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.
The disciples struggle to bring their nets on board because of all the fish. (John 21:6)
R Kelly: See I was on the verge of breaking down
Sometimes silence can seem so loud
There are miracles in life I must achieve
But first I know it starts inside of me oohh
If I can see it, then I can be it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it...
I believe I can fly....
Simon Peter jumps into the water with his corner of the net. The other disciples remain in the boat, pulling the net full of 153 fish. By the time they arrive on shore, Jesus has a fire going and some fish cooking. (John 21:9)
Jesus: Bring some of the fish you just caught.
They drag the net to dry land.
Jesus: Come have some breakfast. (John 21:12)
Voice Of James Earl Jones/Narrator: None of the disciples dared ask him, "Who are you?" They knew it was the Lord.....
Jesus takes the bread and gives it to the disciples, along with some fish.
Voice Of James Earl Jones/Narrator: This was now the third time Jesus appeared to his disciples after he was raised from the dead.
Jesus, Simon Peter, TDTJL, and the other disciples give a straightforward reading of the dialogue found in John 21: 15-24.
Voice Of James Earl Jones/Narrator: Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written. (John 21:25)
Curtain
*******************************
Brad,
That last line of you latest draft...."If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written."
All I can say is, thank God we don't have those other books to worry about.
I do have one other suggestion for you. In an earlier email, I told you I've been doing some reading on my own. I Corinthians, chapter 15, verses 3 though 8? Have you ever read it?
Paul says in I Corinthians that after Jesus rose on the third day after his crucifixion, Jesus first appeared to Peter, then to the Twelve Disciples, then to 500 other people, then to James, then to the apostles, and then to him (Paul).
That's supposed to be infallible and without error also, right? Why don't you start with that, and then see how you can make the gospel stories fit into Paul's I Corinthians story?
Just a suggestion.....
Your friend,
Jim
***************************
Jim,
I hate to tell you, but I've given up on this project. I've used up 15 legal pads, two Bibles, and countless hours on the internet trying to make the pieces of this puzzle fit together. All of the funding for the Off-Broadway production has dried up; the producers are now working on a stage play that will explain Fidel Castro's role in The Kennedy Assassination.
I didn't even make it to Paul's story in I Corinthians. I wish you hadn't sent those verses to me. They make my head hurt. I don't remember how Paul died, but I hope it was painful.
I've been reading a lot also, mostly books by a guy named Dan Barker.
I'm also interested in some guys named Marcus Borg and John Shelby Spong, and anyone else who doesn't use the words "inerrant" or "infallible".
Your friend,
Brad
Hitler In The Subprime Mortgage Bunker
Libertarians will enjoy the bit o' wisdom beginning at the 2:45 mark.
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