Sunday, October 31, 2010

Dallas Cowboys 17, Jacksonville Jaguars 35, and a history of all the coaches that Jerry Jones has fired in his quest to figure out the problem

I played left guard for one year at North Sunflower Academy.  I was in the 9th grade.  That's enough to qualify me to comment on this issue. 

Lord have mercy, what an ugly game.  The Dallas Cowboys got spanked, and I mean spanked by the lowly Jacksonville Jaguars, 35-17. 
Can you believe that Detroit is actually looking forward to playing us? 

What needs to happen?  Well, let's look at some history. 

The Cowboys franchise got its start in 1960.  Tom Landry was head coach.

When Landry was fired by Jerry Jones, he had a career record of 270-178-6.  However, Landry (before the start of the 1989 season) had not won a playoff game since 1983.  That's five years.  It was probably time for a change. 

When Jerry Jones purchased the team, he made himself General Manager.  He has supposedly been in charge of all personnel decisions since 1989. 

Jerry put the great Jimmy Johnson in as head coach.  Johnson had been coaching at the University Of Miami, and was familiar with many of the players soon to be drafted by the NFL.  We'll never know who made the decisions that led to the Cowboys era of greatness in the 1990's, but my money is on Jimmy. 

Jimmy Johnson coached his Cowboys to Super Bowl victories in 1992 and 1993.   But he couldn't get along with Jerry and left after the 1993 season.  

The details remain shrouded in a late-night haze, but it seems the trouble started when Jones toasted the Cowboys and was offended when Johnson reciprocated but did not invite Jones to join his table. A few hours later, Johnson alleges, Jones told a group of reporters in a bar that he planned to fire Johnson and replace him with Barry Switzer, an old foe of Johnson's from his college coaching days.
Then General Manager Jerry Jones....

....appointed Barry Switzer as Cowboys head coach. 

Using Jimmy's players, Switzer was able to win a playoff game in 1994, and he won the Super Bowl in 1995. 
The Cowboys won a single playoff game in 1996 (a year soon to be known as "the good old days), but went a disappointing 6-10 in 1997. 
General Manager Jerry Jones.....

....knew he had to do something after his head coach didn't win a playoff game in 1997.  He fired Switzer, and replaced him with Chan Gailey. 

Gailey went 10-6 in 1998, and then 8-8 in 1999.  He didn't win any playoff games. 
So then, Jerry Jones, who was supposedly still making all of the personnel decisions....

...fired Chan Gailey and replaced him with Dave Campo. 

Campo was head coach in 2000, 2001, and 2002, and had a won/loss record (respectively) of 5-11, 5-11, and finally, 5-11.  No playoff wins. 
So General Manager Jerry Jones, who was still in charge of ALL personnel decisions....

....fired Campo and replaced him with Bill Parcells. 

Despite winning a couple of Super Bowls with the Giants, and an AFC Championship season with The Patsies, Parcells was unable to do anything with Jerry's Kids in Dallas.  There were lots of discussions about "They want you to cook the dinner, at least they ought to let you shop for some of the groceries."  Some former Parcells players got signed, and Parcells had some small authority over the team. 
From 2003 through 2006, the Dallas Cowboys went 10-6, 6-10, 9-7, and 9-7.  They didn't win any playoff games. 

(It was at the beginning of the Parcells era that I discovered that God hates Jerry Jones, and I started making a small fortune betting against Dallas.  That has nothing to do with the matter at hand.  I wasn't worth a crap at left guard at North Sunflower Academy, but I can tell who God doesn't like.)

Parcells retired. 

Then Cowboys General Manager Jerry Jones, who hadn't won a playoff game since 1996....

...thought that he could improve the situation by bringing in Wade Phillips. 

Maybe Jerry Jones had discovered the source of his problems.  Maybe this coach would be the one who could properly use Jerry's draft choices. 
The first year, 2007, it almost worked.  The Boys went 13-3, but didn't win a playoff game. 
The next year, they went 9-7, but didn't make the playoffs. 
In 2009/2010, perhaps to illustrate the old proverb that "even a blind hog can sometimes find an acorn", Jerry's draftees went 11-5, and beat the Philadelphia Eagles in a playoff game.  The curse was lifted. 
The next week Minnesota beat the tar out of them 34-3. 

This year, the mighty Dallas Cowboys have started the season with one win and six losses.  They just finished losing to Jacksonville.  Yes, Jacksonville.   
Jerry Jones and the city of Arlington have taken people's homes by force, bulldozed them, and built the greatest sports facility on this planet on the site of their theft.  All to host this mess.  That was like tearing down the Taj Mahal to put up a movie theatre that only shows "Jackass 3". 

That's the history of the Dallas Cowboys coaches and their playoff wins. 
Let's hope that Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, who is a brilliant businessman, can figure out the root cause of his problems.

Pics came from here and here and here and here


TarrantLibertyGuy said...

I noticed that you listed 'obvious' as one of the tags. And yes, it's Obvious, God and/or Karma hates Jerry Jones.

Now, to more interesting things. So, as Left Guard, one of the more important positions (with teams that have right handed QB's) - I'm sure you'd be state champs - what with your tenacity and all. Except, that North Sunflower Academy is not a very intimidating sounding school name.

I'd be curious as to your mascot. The North Sunflower Seed-oils? "Lighter in saturated fats, highly flamable!"

The North Sunflower Fighting Maidens: "We're mean and can rock a lovely sun dress!"

The North Sunflower Stalks? "We're so brutal we broke the damn flower off - AND we're a little abrasive to the touch!"

Tell me more about Sunflower!

Jay Parker said...

You'd think Jerry would have a peek at Oakland and maybe take some notes on the efficacy of owner/management.

You've got the score a bit backwards in the post title, Allen.

The Whited Sepulchre said...

We were the NSA Rebels.
From the northern half of Sunflower County.
The Rebels.
I got into band in the 5th grade. Was put into the Jr. High/High school (combined) band at the end of the 6th grade.
Our fight song was a swangin' version of Dixie called "Southern Special". I played that song, and the traditional version of "Dixie" about a million times a week for 7 years.
Then I went to College. Guess where?
Ole Miss. Where the fight song was "Dixie".
I played that song a million times a week for two years. Then I transferred to Delta State University, a much smaller outfit in the heart of the Mississippi Delta. The fight song was something generic, but because of where we were located, we often played....Dixie.
I have a theory that because of Political Correctness ending the playing of the song at Ole Miss (shortly after I graduated), I have played "Dixie" more times than anyone alive.

It's great to hear from you again. Thanks for the hint about the correction. I makes lots and lots of mistakes when irritated.

Dave K said...

I've been a fan for just shy of 40 years and this is just about the most disappointing season I can remember. I've seen this team have losing seasons, fall short of expectations and just plain be a bad team but I can't remember such undisciplined, confused play basically every week.

Jones might never figure out the problem because the problem is his own ego and faith in his abilities as a football guy. He never fails to find an excuse and has always found something to blame for the organization's failures. It's not that he never takes responsibility but there's always a "But" or "If" attached.

He needs to quit trying to prove how savvy he is and take a step back out of the limelight. Until he does, this team goes nowhere. He's a good owner but there are plenty of good owners in pro sports and it doesn't mean squat if the organization is poorly run.

Landry and Schramm are spinning in their graves.

TarrantLibertyGuy said...

My school was Richland High School, home of the Fightin' Rebels. Also, very un-PC Dixie for our fight song. At our 20 year reunion, I remember this friend of me and my wife's (we both went to the same school, but didn't date while I was there!) brought her more citified, progressive New York husband with her. Sure enough, at the end of the night, we sung "Slow Dixie". Everyone locks pinkies and starts singing "Oh, I wish I was in the land of cotton..." but slowly/sadly...

I heard him say to her using a stage whisper, "Seriously?". She said "Oh hell, when we had pep rallies, we practically used to burn crosses."

Now, we never burned crosses, but I swear, we would occasionally lynch an effigy of another school mascot at a school pep rally... sanctioned by the administration! Teachers and high profile students would kiss the Stars and Bars on the floor of the gym in one regular part of our pep rallies.

A little over-the-top, sure... and honestly, in retrospect, I'm just fine with stopping the playing of Dixie. I thought of a situation where, say, the New Braunfels Lutheran High Bergermeister Band plays "Deutchland, Deutchland, Uber Alles" when playing against the el-Shalom School of Austin's Fighting Mohels... Just saying, it is a bit insensitive if you know it bothers the other side. But, maybe that's what fight songs are supposed to do.

So, was my fake Jewish school and mascot racist? Then here's The Mohel Cheer - one skin, two skins, three skins a dollar - when we get to fourskin, clinch up and holler! YEOWW!!!!