Al Gore and the masseuse - The Taiwanese video ! ! !

If you get your news from the mainstream media, you might not be aware that Saint Albert, The Goracle of Music City, Tennessee, has finally been accused of sexually assaulting someone who is not in the manufacturing or transportation industry. 

The story the alleged victim told the police goes something like this:

Saint Albert calls a massage service to send someone to his hotel room. 

The masseuse arrives, starts doing her thing, but she fails to properly massage Saint Albert's ego or other assets. 

Saint Albert forces the masseuse onto a bed.  She calls him a "crazed sex poodle". 

Who knows what happens next.  But the masseuse claims that Al Gore left some of his carbon footprint on her black jeans, much like Bill Clinton left a trail on Monica Lewinsky's blue dress from The Gap. 

She puts the black jeans into a ziplock bag, preserving the evidence for possible peer review by trained scientists. 

The masseuse tells a friend about the incident.  The friend argues against making the story public, since without Saint Albert, the world will surely perish from Global Warming Climate Change. 

She takes the story to the police. 

Later on, Saint Albert announces his divorce. 

If you didn't quite follow all that, here's a visualization from a Taiwanese news agency.  Keep an eye out for the poodle. 



A fresh coat of Whitening to Jim Treacher for the video.