Sunday, August 8, 2010

Let's redraw the map !

The good people at The Economist magazine have come up with a fantasy map of Europe.
If you've followed the travails of the EU for the last decade, this thing is FUNNY. 

The good folks at Reason magazine have opened their comment field for suggestions for the United States version. 

All right-thinking citizens, of course, want to float California out into the Pacific and let it sink under the weight of its own incredible debt. 
We could move Arizona further away from the Mexico border, just to give sheriff Joe Arpaio a break. 

One guy suggested that we "move DC to Salina, KS. That way all the people who speak for the regular Americans can meet them for once. This will also give VA, MD and DE a break from government busybodies making local laws."

My suggestions?

Let each state with beachfront drill for oil closer to the coastline.  Those who do not allow oil companies to drill in reasonable locations will be swapped out with an interior state.  OR drug out into the ocean where the oil is beneath a mile of water. 

In exchange for producing William Faulkner, Eudora Welty, Elvis Presley, B.B. King, Howling Wolf, Muddy Waters, Tennessee Williams, Richard Wright, Jimmy Buffett, Archie Manning, Jim Henson, Jerry Rice, and Walter Payton, The Great State Of Mississippi gets to stay where it is, but will be renamed "Awesomeland". 

All states that do not allow gay marriage will be consolidated someplace in the upper Midwest.  This way, they won't be offended by gays, lesbians, or tasteful interior decor. 

Move the entire government apparatus currently in Washington, D.C. to an abandoned Sam's Club warehouse in Hobbes, New Mexico.  Do NOT pay any moving expenses for employees or government officials.  Take extensive notes on whether the economy improves or deteriorates afterwards. 

Consolidate California and Tennessee so that Al Gore's two mega-mansions will be closer together, thereby shrinking Gore's carbon footprint. 

Let's have a referendum on ObamaCare® so that the states favoring socialized medicine can cluster around their V.A. hospitals.  Move the Border Fence around these states, and allow the Free Market nation to impose a "medical tourism" tax on anyone crossing over. 

We should attach hundreds of chain hoists to Las Vegas and drag it to the outskirts of Fort Worth, Texas.  I'm tired of driving to Shreveport to get to blackjack tables with player-friendly rules.  The remainder of Nevada will be uprooted and moved to Iraq.  After all, they produced Senator Harry Reid. 

Hawaii should be dropped into the center of Kenya, ending the Barack Obama "birther" controversy once and for all. 


Harper said...

I noticed that you left Oprah off your famous Mississippians list.

Considering that I narrowly escaped death on the highway outside of Oxford, Mississippi, I will only agree to the 'Awesomeland' moniker if it is subtitled, "but our wimmen don't drive so good".

Nick Rowe said...

Even if we can't physically move places, I'm all for moving the District to the heartland. It should be in the geographic center of the nation for many reasons, just as it was in the geographic center of the first 13 states.

The geographic center of the contiguous 48 states is in Lebanon, KS, halfway between I-80 and I-70, not far from Omaha, NE; Kansas City, MO; and Wichita, KS. It has good highway access but not directly on an interstate.

We might want to put it further south, though. say between OK City and Big D to avoid bad weather. Then again, the most peaceful week of government activity this year was during the blizzard.

Liberals can stay in Liberal, KS. Conservatives can stay in Dodge City.

The innaugural address will be given in a fallow corn or wheat field.

I recommend we rename Washington to Monument City. They can keep all the memorials but they will also be known as a monument to the excesses of government bureaucracy, lobbying, and wastefult spending.

California should be split into two states. The liberal part would be shaped just like Chile.

TarrantLibertyGuy said...

Funny! I think the name "Awesomeland" can't be used due to Jimmy Buffet being borned there... But one B.B. King is worth seven Jimmy Buffets, so let's table Awesomeland for later.

There's a great song by the Queen knock-off band that I like a lot, Muse. It's from a concept album about war and love in a dystopian 1984 style world called "The Resistance". They have a song about "The United States of Eurasia"... enjoy (a little Chopin thrown in for good measure).