Sunday, November 7, 2010

Green Bay Packers 45, Dallas Cowboys 7, and a history of all the coaches that Jerry Jones has fired in an effort to discover the root cause of the problem

I played left guard for one year at North Sunflower Academy.  I was in the 9th grade.  That's enough to qualify me to comment on this issue.  I'm probably going to repeat this post every week until Jerry Jones discovers the problem with his team.   

Lord have mercy, what an ugly game.  The Dallas Cowboys got spanked, and I mean spanked by the Green Bay Packers, 45-7. 
Can you believe that Detroit is actually looking forward to playing us? 

What needs to happen?  Well, let's look at some history. 

The Cowboys franchise got its start in 1960.  Tom Landry was head coach.

When Landry was fired by Jerry Jones, he had a career record of 270-178-6.  However, Landry (before the start of the 1989 season) had not won a playoff game since 1983.  That's five years.  It was probably time for a change. 

When Jerry Jones purchased the team, he made himself General Manager.  He has supposedly been in charge of all personnel decisions since 1989. 

Jerry put the great Jimmy Johnson in as head coach.  Johnson had been coaching at the University Of Miami, and was familiar with many of the players soon to be drafted by the NFL.  We'll never know who made the decisions that led to the Cowboys era of greatness in the 1990's, but my money is on Jimmy. 

Jimmy Johnson coached his Cowboys to Super Bowl victories in 1992 and 1993.   But he couldn't get along with Jerry and left after the 1993 season.  

The details remain shrouded in a late-night haze, but it seems the trouble started when Jones toasted the Cowboys and was offended when Johnson reciprocated but did not invite Jones to join his table. A few hours later, Johnson alleges, Jones told a group of reporters in a bar that he planned to fire Johnson and replace him with Barry Switzer, an old foe of Johnson's from his college coaching days.
Then General Manager Jerry Jones....

....appointed Barry Switzer as Cowboys head coach. 

Using Jimmy's players, Switzer was able to win a playoff game in 1994, and he won the Super Bowl in 1995. 
The Cowboys won a single playoff game in 1996 (a year soon to be known as "the good old days), but went a disappointing 6-10 in 1997. 
General Manager Jerry Jones.....

....knew he had to do something after his head coach didn't win a playoff game in 1997.  He fired Switzer, and replaced him with Chan Gailey. 

Gailey went 10-6 in 1998, and then 8-8 in 1999.  He didn't win any playoff games. 
So then, Jerry Jones, who was supposedly still making all of the personnel decisions....

...fired Chan Gailey and replaced him with Dave Campo. 

Campo was head coach in 2000, 2001, and 2002, and had a won/loss record (respectively) of 5-11, 5-11, and finally, 5-11.  No playoff wins. 
So General Manager Jerry Jones, who was still in charge of ALL personnel decisions....

....fired Campo and replaced him with Bill Parcells. 

Despite winning a couple of Super Bowls with the Giants, and an AFC Championship season with The Patsies, Parcells was unable to do anything with Jerry's Kids in Dallas.  There were lots of discussions about "They want you to cook the dinner, at least they ought to let you shop for some of the groceries."  Some former Parcells players got signed, and Parcells had some small authority over the team. 
From 2003 through 2006, the Dallas Cowboys went 10-6, 6-10, 9-7, and 9-7.  They didn't win any playoff games. 

(It was at the beginning of the Parcells era that I discovered that God hates Jerry Jones, and I started making a small fortune betting against Dallas.  That has nothing to do with the matter at hand.  I wasn't worth a crap at left guard at North Sunflower Academy, but I can tell who God doesn't like.)

Parcells retired. 

Then Cowboys General Manager Jerry Jones, who hadn't won a playoff game since 1996....

...thought that he could improve the situation by bringing in Wade Phillips. 

Maybe Jerry Jones had discovered the source of his problems.  Maybe this coach would be the one who could properly use Jerry's draft choices. 

The first year, 2007, it almost worked.  The Boys went 13-3, but didn't win a playoff game. 

The next year, they went 9-7, but didn't make the playoffs. 

In 2009/2010, perhaps to illustrate the old proverb that "even a blind hog can sometimes find an acorn", Jerry's draftees went 11-5, and beat the Philadelphia Eagles in a playoff game.  The curse was lifted. 

The next week Minnesota beat the tar out of them 34-3. 

This year, the mighty Dallas Cowboys have started the season with one win and seven losses.  They just finished losing to Green Bay, and they're about to lose to DETROIT.  Yes, DETROIT.  
Jerry Jones and the city of Arlington have taken people's homes by force, bulldozed them, and built the greatest sports facility on this planet on the site of their theft.  All to host this mess.  That was like tearing down the Taj Mahal to put up a movie theatre that only shows "Jackass 3". 

That's the history of the Dallas Cowboys coaches and their playoff wins.
Let's hope that Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, who is a brilliant businessman, can figure out the root cause of his problems.

Well, not really.....
Update from 11-8-2010:
Jerry has now fired Wade Phillips and made Jason Garrett the interim Head Coach.  Garrett was sorta the Offensive Coordinator and Head Coach In Waiting, the one that Phillips didn't get to choose.  Kinda like he didn't get to choose anyone else on his team. 

That makes 7 head coaches who had to be fired or replaced by one General Manager.  It's hard to find good ones. 

Pics came from here and here and here and here and here


Ryan said...

It was 45-7, not 45-17. Don't want to give them too much credit :-)

The Whited Sepulchre said...

Thanks. I'm just copying and pasting this thing every Monday morning until Jerry comes to his senses. I feel drunk with power. :-) said...

That was an embarrassing loss last night for the Cowboys! I know Jerry Jones previously stated that he wouldn’t fire a coach in the middle of the season, but WADE PHILLIPS NEEDS TO GO!

Anonymous said...

Well don't count on Al Davis Jr doing anything... he has shown since Johnson left that he has NOT a clue and as long as he's the center of attention he's a happy guy... all he cares about.

Harper said...

I have had ESPN news on all day, waiting for the ticker to announce that Jason Garrett will take over as the head coach for the remainder of the year...

Heard that Wade flew back with Jerry on his private jet, rather than on the team plane. One would think the deed was done.

CenTexTim said...

Jerry's post-game comments: “I've got a lot of work to do,” Jones said... "I have a lot of decisions to make."

The decisions he's made so far have got them where they are.

And Jason Garrett (aka "Red Jesus") is NOT the answer.

Q. What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A. The Dallas Cowboys

Q. What do the Dallas Cowboys and Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q. How do you keep a Dallas Cowboy out of your yard?
A. Put up a goal post.

Q. What do you call a Dallas Cowboy with a Super Bowl ring?
A. Old

Q. What's the difference between the Dallas Cowboys and a dollar bill?
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q. How many Dallas Cowboys does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A. Nobody remembers.

Q. What do the Cowboys and a possums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!