Friday, June 15, 2012

My Unemployment Lawsuit

My family's Human Resources department warned me not to post this, but I'm doing it anyway. 

I haven't had time to post much this week because of an unemployment lawsuit.  One of the groups I hire has pressed charges against me for discrimination, hostile work environment, failure to document performance deficiencies, and everything else they can think of.  They've thrown a lot of stuff against the wall, just to see what will stick. 

It's exhausting.  Enough to make me wonder why people don't just give up and produce everything themselves with no employees. 

Here's the story....

Up until last week, I had food employment agreements in place with Kroger, Food King, and Wal-Mart.  I agreed that I would purchase fresh produce and dairy products from Kroger, meat from Food King, and everything else from Wal-Mart.  I believe that I treated all three of these groups of employees equally well. 

I gave them enough money to pay for my percentage of  their taxes, child support, and health insurance.  I think that I provided meaningful work for them at good wages at least twice a week. 

About a week ago, I went to Food King for some ground beef.  The slacker behind the counter didn't want to get off his cell phone long enough to help me.  When he finally did, he acted like I was doing HIM a favor by purchasing his time.  The meat looked ok through the clear wrap, but when I got it home it was a dark brown on the bottom.  To make matters worse, and I can't prove this, but I'm reasonably sure that the cashier short-changed me.  Please don't get me started on the Food King cashiers.  I've never met a ruder, slower, more incompetent bunch of victims in my life

This isn't the first problem I've had with Food King.  Three weeks ago, I got some steaks from them that had metal fragments from the cutting saw embedded in the meat.  My daughter chipped a tooth!  I filed some paperwork on the incident with my Human Resources department, of course. 

Back to the story....As I was leaving Food King last week, and this was before I discovered that the meat was bad, I made a huge mistake.  I told my daughter that "I'm gonna break this contract and start buying all of my meat from Kroger's." 

Huge mistake.  Three of the Food King employees heard what I said. 

When I got home, I started filling out the required forms to document the poor performance at Food King.  I took photos of the brown meat.  I called my Human Resources department, and told them I wanted to start purchasing meat from Kroger.  They were nervous about the decision, but told me to go forward if I felt strongly about the need for a change, and that it would probably take about 6 months. 

But hell, can you blame me?  I DON'T WANT TO EMPLOY THOSE PEOPLE ANY MORE !!!!  I don't want to purchase what they're selling.  Should I be punished for giving them a chance at a job? 

Anyway (sorry for the digression) I filled out the paperwork, completed all the written warning forms, and filed them with H.R., the State of Texas, and with Food King. 

That's when the storm began.  Good Lord in heaven.  The Food King cashier who wouldn't get off his cell phone long enough to sell me some rancid meat?  He happens to be Hispanic.  He claimed that I have a "thing" against Hispanics, and was able to show how, back in 2009, I filed papers to change my membership from a majority Hispanic Starbucks to a majority White Starbucks.  That was a totally different situation, plus the government wouldn't allow me to switch Starbucks locations because it would've meant moving from a majority female to a majority male coffee bar.  I should've known better than to even try during an election year. 

I swear to Jesus, I had NO idea that the kid was Hispanic.

Food King is also saying I have unreasonable performance expectations.  IMHO, all I'm expecting is decent cuts of meat at a reasonable price from a prompt butcher and a cashier who knows how to make change.  If I'm not getting that, how much hell should I have to go through before I can start purchasing meat elsewhere? 

But dang it, they have me on tape telling my daughter that I want to start buying meat from Kroger instead of Food King.  Therefore, I've created a hostile work environment for the Food King employees.  I can't believe I did something that stupid.  Neither can my Human Resources department.  There's a chance that this will turn into a huge lawsuit.  Even if I win the lawsuit and get to start buying meat from Kroger, I'll still have to pay unemployment compensation to the idiots at Food King. 

As you know, almost 1/3rd of our lives as employers is now consumed with documenting performance issues.  It exhausts me. 

If I hire someone to provide a service in exchange for money, that's all the transaction should involve.  If I give Food King some money in exchange for some hamburger meat, that should be the end of it.  I don't want to be responsible for Food King's taxes, their child support, their healthcare, their insurance, their emotional well-being, or their childcare.

I want to purchase hamburger meat, not be the overseer at an 1840's plantation.  I don't want to be a Feudal Lord & Master. 

Can you imagine how much it would help the economy if customers/employers could simply spend their money without worrying about lawsuits like this one?  I think jobs would start popping up everywhere. 

Enough of my fantasies about a free market employment system.  I won't be posting as much in the future.  This is going to get ugly. 


Libertarian Book Club said...

That's some good satire! You're another Jonathan Swift.

Libertarian Book Club said...

That's some good satire! You're another Jonathan Swift.

The Whited Sepulchre said...

Satire? Satire?

Hot Sam said...

You should see what its like from the employee end when the allegations are actually true and the "employer" is the federal government. The only thing that corrupts faster than a race or gender based system of entitlement is sovereign immunity.

CenTexTim said...

A little off point, but here's a story about the employer striking back. It's a little like burning down the barn to get rid of rats, but I know where Piggly Wiggly is coming from.