Someone is trying to get my funds out of that bank in Nigeria

I post these just to get hits from the other 800 million people who get Nigerian mail fraud emails. Every time I receive one, I add it to the post. When it gets too long, I start a new chain.
Don't even attempt to read this garbage. If you've found me through Googling any of these names, then welcome to my funhouse. I generally write about Libertarian Politics, and I spend waaaaay to much time ridiculing the Stimulus Package and Al Gore.

Now, on to the emails.....

This one has a better story than most, but the grammar is worse than mine.

THE OFFICE OF THE GOVERNOR.
CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIATINUBU SQUARE,
LAGOS-NIGERIA.
Our Ref: CBN/OHG/OXD1/2009
TELEX: CENBANK.
PAYMENT FILE: CBN/BEN/08.
Attn: Please PAYMENT NOTIFICATION OF YOUR FUNDS.
Definitely, I am sure that the receipt of this email will be of utmost blessing to you. Firstly, I will like to introduce myself formally; I am Mr. Richard Walter, the secretary to Prof. Charles Soludo, The Executive Governor of The Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN). You are been officially contacted by me today because I was instructed to do so by my boss, kindly note that your Funds were Re-deposited into the \"Federal Suspense Account\" of the CBN last week, because you did not forward your Claim as the Right beneficiary. The Central Bank of Nigeria is the parent Bank of all commercial Banks here in Nigeria.

My boss the Governor, was visited in his office by some Gentlemen today, really these men were unexpected by him because their visit was impromptu. He had to ask them why they came to see him in person and they said that they were here to collect the Inheritance/ contract funds Bill Sum of (US$7,500,000:00) $7.5 million which rightfully belongs to you as due payment on your behalf.

At this development He asked them who authorized them to come down to Nigeria for the Collection of this Payment and they told him that you asked them to come and collect these Funds on your Behalf. In fact this was the biggest shock that this Bank has ever received so far because your Inheritance Funds is still in the \"Federal Suspense Account\" of CBN, yet you sent these men to come and collect this Funds on your behalf without notifying us.

We do not understand why you should send these men to come and Collect your Funds on your behalf. If actually you want them to help you collect your funds, you should have at least informed him officially as the Executive Governor of this Bank. Note that they actually tendered some Vital Documents which proved that you actually sent them for the Collection of these Funds. Honestly, it really shocked him that you took such a decision without his consent. Below is list of the Documents which they tendered to this Bank today:

1. LETTER OF ADMINISTRATION.
2. HIGH COURT INJUNCTION.
3. ORDER TO RELEASE.

Actually, these Documents which they tendered to this Noble Bank are a clear Proof that you sent them to Collect this Funds for you.Finally, He, Prof Soludo told them to come back tomorrow morning and they promised to come back.As the Governor of this Noble Bank, he was supposed to Release this Funds to them but he refused to do so because he wanted to clarify this from you first. KINDLY DO GET BACK TO ME WITH YOUR TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBER, OCCUPATION,AGE,AND ADDRESS SO I CAN REACH.

Due to the Nature of his job, he cannot afford to make any mistake in releasing these Funds to anyone except you whom is the Recognized Bonafide Beneficiary to these Funds. Kindly clarify us on this issue before we make this Payment to these foreigners whom came on your behalf.Kindly direct your response to the private email address of my boss, Prof. Charles Soludo, The Executive Governor of The Central Bank of Nigeria CBN).below for quicker deliberation and response from him on the release of your funds to you.
Name: Prof. Charles Soludo
Phone:+234 8034627314
Email: centralbankof.nigeria@pisem.net
OR c.bankofnigeria@ymail.com
Yours Faithfully,
Mr. Richard Walter.
Secretary.TO THE GOVERNOR.CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIATINUBU SQUARE, LAGOS- NIGERIA.

STATEMENT OF CONFIDENTIALITY:The information in this email and in any attachments may contain confidential information and is intended solely for the attention and use of the named addressee(s). It may not be disclosed to any person without authorization. If you are not the intended recipient, or a person responsible for delivering it to the intended recipient you are not authorized to and must not disclose, copy, distribute or retain this message or any part of it.IMMEDIATE RESPOND NEED TO THIS

This next one has better grammar, but it doesn't do anything to get me excited....

Sir / Madam

Re: Next of kin to my late client Eng. Adams.

I am Barrister David Brimley, a solicitor at law; I am the personal attorney to late Eng. Adams, who used to work with shell - Development Company. Herein after shall be referred to as my client. On April 25th 2005, my client, his wife and three children were involved in a train accident in Japan during their visit to Japan which all the families were dead. Here is some news about the train accident:

Click on the web address:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/04/25/AR2005042500187.htmlhttp://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/4480031.stm

Since then I have made several enquiries to your embassy to locate any of my client's extended relatives, but this has also proved unsuccessful. After several attempts to locate a member of his family, hence I contacted you. I am contacting you to assist me repatriating the money and properties left behind by my client before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank where this huge deposit were lodge. Particularly, the bank where the diseased had an account valued at [$25 million dollars] has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confiscated within the next official banking quarter.

Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relative for the past years, now I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin to my late client. Since you are a Foreigner you are capable of doing this transaction. So that the proceeds of this account valued at [$25 million dollars] can be paid to you, then you and I can share the money 60% for me and 30% for you, while 5% will be used to offset all the expenses incurred in the course of this transaction including tax and 5% for the poor in your country. I have all necessary legal documents that can be used to back up our claims. All i require is your honest co-operation to enable us seeing this transaction through. I guarantee that this will be executed under legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.

Please get in touch with me by my email and send the following information to me.
Your full name Residential address Phone and fax numbers to enable us discuss further about this transaction.

Looking forward to your prompt response. get back to me through my private email address:davidbrimley1@rediffmail.com

Best regards to you and your family.

Thank you.
Barrister David Brimley

Here's one that arrived on February 12th, embedded in a graphic, making it somewhat trickier to copy.


Dear Friend,
I am Mr.Salisu Omar a banker in ECO bank Burkina Faso
I contacted you now on a business deal of USD$7.5,000.000, to transfer to your account
The depositor of the said fund died with his entire family during the Iraq war in 2006.
The customer & his entire family died, unfortunately, leaving nobody for the claim. if we make this claim, we will share it 40%/60%.
If you are interested reply I will give you the full details.
Waiting for reply
Best regard,
S Omar

An older one that slipped past me, trying to exploit the Madrid bombing:


I am Mr. T.Patrick, Senior Staff, with a Bank here in Madrid- Spain .
I got your contact while searching for a reliable someone to contact for this transaction in regards to a business transfer for a huge sum of money in a dormant account. I need your assistance to transfer to overseas Nine Million, Five Hundred and Fifty Thousand United States Dollars Only (US$9,550.000.00).
I am seeking your humble assistance to provide either an existing bank account or set up a new Bank account to receive this fund, even an empty account can serve this purpose, or you help to seek an honest and, reliable businessman who can assist us. Though I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make any one apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that this transaction is being handled by me and my colleagues, who are also departmental heads in the same bank.

During the course of our auditing we discovered a floating fund in a domiciliary account opened in the bank in 2000 and since 2004 nobody has operated on this account, after going through some old files in the records we discovered that the owner of the account who is a foreigner died in Madrid Bombing of 11th of March 2004,without any traceable next of kin hence the dormant nature of the account and if nobody come to claim this funds it will be re- channel to government coffers as unclaimed funds.

If this proposal is acceptable by you, do not take undue advantage of the trust I have bestowed in you, I await your swift response via my personal mail : (teddypatrickbanker@gmail.com)

Yours faithfully,

Mr. T.Patrick.

T. Patrick needs some emails from all of you, just to help fill up his day. Here's another one, retrieved from the Spam file. After you look at these for a while, you have to wonder why the all make the mistake of mentioning Nigeria, long after the phrase "Nigerian Email Scam" entered our vocabulary. Why don't they improve their odds by saying "Estonia" or "Eritrea", or even "Stimulus Package" ???

Dear Friend
I am John Enoh Chairman of the House Committee on Finance, National Assembly Chambers of Federal Republic of Nigeria I write to honorably request your assistance in helping to receive amount of money into your account forsafe keeping and for future investment in your country.
By virtue of my position as the chief supervisor of foreign contracts, thesum of US$25,000,000.00 (Twenty Five Million United States Dollars) is available in escrow account that I intend to transfer overseas through yourassistance as a foreign partner.This money is as a result of Over provision in the Federal government budget for unpaid contract amount to foreign contractors who executed contract in theNiger- Delta in Petroleum industry. As soon as the contract amount is paid to you, I will share with you 40% and60% for me, my share you will help me to invest in any profitable and lucrative business in your country or any other country that you will so advise.
You can reach me by return mail, including
(1) Your full names and Age
(2) Your contact address and country of Origin
(3) Your company's name (if any)
(4) Your confidential telephone (cell) and fax number
The above information will enable me brief you more details of the transactionand also start the application process/documentation that will lead to therelease of the funds to you through bank to bank transfer.
While waiting foryour quick response I remain your potential investment partner.Best Regards,Honorable John EnohN.B. FOR CONFIDENTIAL REASONS DO GET BACK TO ME THROUGH THIS EMAIL ADDRESSmailto:ADDRESSjohneenoh@yahoo.co.jp----------------------------------------------------------------
This mail sent through bangla.net,
The First Online Internet Service Provider in Bangladesh

Now this one I kinda like. It has the appearance of legitimacy, if read while drunk. It's too long for me to fix the sentence/paragraph breaks, so I'm just going to paste it "as is".

Mr. George Kevin. 17c Av.Ghilat Age:58 years Marrital Status: Married with 3 children Occupation: Banker Country: Burkina FasoTel: +226 70 84 88 34 Dear Friend, Please, I want you to read this letter very carefully and I must apologize for briging this message into your mail box without any formal introduction due to the urgency and confidential of this issue and I know that this message will come to you as a surprise, Pls this is not a joke and I will not like you to joke with it. Before the U.S and Iraqi war our client MR.Hassan El Mahdi who was a business man and also an oil supplier to The republic of Burkina Faso made a numbered fixed deposit for 18 calendar months, with a total value of Thirty million United State Dollars($m30 000,000)only in our bank.Upon maturity several notices was sent to him, even during the war which began in 2003. Again after the war another notification was sent and still no response came from him. We later find out that the dceased customer along with his entire family(wife and children)died in a bomb blast that hit their home. You can read more about the bombings on visiting these: sites :http://http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/meast/10/11/iraq.deaths/ http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/6040054.stm After further investigation it was also discovered that the late customer did not declare his next of kin in his official papers including the paperwork of his bank deposit. And he also confided in me the last time he was at my office that no one except me knew of his deposit in our bank, So I need your urgent assistance in transferring the sum of($30 000 000)millions USD into your bank account within 14 working banking days. What bothers me most is that according to the laws of country a Burkinabe cannot come out and claim this fund.I don't want the money to go into our Bank treasury as an abandoned fund. Therefore this is the reason why I contacted you so that our bank will release this money to you as the next of kin to the deceased customer. Please I would like you to keep this proposal as a top secret and delete it if you are not interested.Upon the receipt of your reply and indication of your capability, I will give you full details on how the business will be executed and also note that you will have 40% of the above mentioned sum if you agree to handle this business with me while 60% will be for me. I don't want anyone here in our bank to know my involvement until you confirm this fund into your account and ask me to come over for the sharing as iindicated. Then after I will retire from our bank and come over to you contry fordisbursement acconding to the percentage indicated. therefore to enable theimmediate transfer of this fund toyou as arranged, you must apply first to the bank as relation or next of kin ofthe deceased, Please, dont entertain any atom of fear because the transaction is 100% risk free. Be rest assured that I will provide all the necessary information which the bank may require from you during the process to make sure everything goes well and fast. Best Regards Mr George Kevin