Monday, May 11, 2009

Dear Taxpayers, Thanks For The Forklifts ! ! !

Dear Taxpayers,
Thank you for the forklifts you so graciously purchased for me.
What? You don't remember buying me any forklifts???? Then let me explain....

I've always taken a lot of pride in finding good deals at auctions for my employer, Jukt Micronics.
Since we have multiple factories and warehouses, I've bought a lot of used forklifts over the years. With only one exception that I can remember, they all ran ok and were worth about what I paid for them.
They usually looked something like this, but with worse paint....

Then something came along called the Texas Emissions Reduction Plan, a government program designed to increase sales of new forklifts manufactured by campaign contributors to reduce NOx emissions (Nitrogen Oxide). This plan, supervised and implemented by The Texas Railroad Commission, featured something called the Low Emission Propane Forklift Initiative Program.

In a nutshell, this program allowed us to scrap our old forklifts since they weren't environmentally friendly, and gave us a huge rebate on the purchase of new ones that supposedly meet the new emissions standards. If you look at the Propane Forklift Initiative Program link, you'll see that the average rebate is around $9,000.00.

I think we got 12 forklifts.

I've never paid $9,000.00 for a forklift in my life, much less received a $9,000.00 rebate on a new one that costs even more. So all I can say is "thank you". These things are great.

In my opinion, there's not a cow's fart per decade's difference in the emissions from the old ones and the new ones, but I'm still glad to have all these new puppies at my disposal. Instead of travelling to auctions, having to repair old forklifts, or, hell, instead of having to spend company money, you folks bought us these. And don't think I don't appreciate it.

Thanks to your good friends at the Texas Railroad Commission, I have a lot more free time.

I spend a lot of this free time Googling the term "Regulatory Capture" an economics term stating that “regulation is not about the public interest at all, but is a process, by which interest groups seek to promote their private interest ... Over time, regulatory agencies come to be dominated by the industries regulated.” In this case, the industry is forklift manufacturers.

If this post makes you angry, I'm glad. But it doesn't make you angry enough to stop voting for Republicans and Democrats, does it? You still won't vote for Libertarians, will you?

Good. Because I want some new semi-tractors next, and I want you to buy them.

Pics of old forklift came from here. Pics of new Yale forklifts came from here.


Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
fembuttx said...

Wont be long before they are driven off the end of the dock, rammed into a pole or completely annihilated with a light saber....

Better use of irony??

The Whited Sepulchre said...

Do a google search on the insurance term "moral hazard".

Dr Ralph said...

Since you claim to believe there's not (and I quote) a "cow's fart per decade's difference in the emissions from the old ones and the new ones," I'd like to know the methodology you used to come up with this belief.

Was there any testing involved at all or (as I suspect) was this a consensus reached amongst you and your co-religionists over beers while bitching about the gummit?

Having seen how you enjoy puffing on a fat turd of a cigar on occasion (I'm not passing judgement, mind you) I'm not sure you could sniff a cow's fart of difference between much of anything, my friend.

I'm just sayin'...

The Whited Sepulchre said...


The authorities from whom I got these opinions work in our maintenance department.

However, I have scoured the internet in vain, looking for charts, graphs, or any other testing showing the true difference between the old ones and the new ones.
I suspect that any research done in that area was done by the co-sponsors of the Propane Forklift Initiative Program, the forklift manufacturers. A good subject for further research.

But enough about forklifts.

I want three new Freightliner Cascadia semi-tractors, and quickly
Since you're paying, you can pick out the color.

Dr Ralph said...

These authorities in your maintenance department...was this opinion consistent with any sort of testing, or did they decide while bitching about the gummit while downing a few cold ones?

This all sounds suspiciously like what we in the business call POOMA data: Pulled Out Of My Ass.

As to your Freightliners: do they come in hot pink?

Dr Ralph said...

PS: I'll be paying for your Freightliners with Runescape gold, as offered by Anonymous in the first comment.

The Whited Sepulchre said...


See if three of these fits yer budget.

hal h said...

We go and buy a conversion kit for about $900. Problem solved and money saved.