Friday, May 28, 2010

Let's Get Caesar Involved

I wrote this one in about 30 minutes last night.  It shows. 
Imagine this song done by an old-time Gospel quartet.  Will try to put up a YouTube if time ever allows. 

"Jesus taught the multitudes one day in Galilee,
Must have been five thousand, and they all got hungry....(fermata)
Disciples came to Jesus, and said "Get those people fed.
Jesus turned toward heaven, and this is what he said:

(bass) And he said

Let's get Caesar involved !
Caesar will get your problem solved. 
Go away and let me relax, that's why I pay all that tax,
You need to get Caesar involved. 


Three men saw a traveller that thieves had robbed and beat.
Two men were too busy, but one man stopped to speak (fermata)
"Buddy that looks painful, yeah sometimes life's a bitch. 
Samaritans no longer pull your ass up out of the ditch !

(bass) And he said

Let's get Caesar involved !
He will get the problem solved.
I used to go the 2nd mile, but in your case I think that I'll
Just try to get Caesar involved.


A wedding feast in Cana had just run out of wine,
One man said to Jesus, make us some moonshine (fermata)
But Jesus had no permits, nor a license to distill,
So he said I can't help you, but I know one who will

(bass) And he said

Let's get Caesar involved !
Government will get the problem solved. 
Give to Caesar what is his, next you'll give him all their is,
So let's get Caesar involved.

So if you're on life's highway, pulled down by sin and shame,
Just call on Big Brother, just call out his name (fermata)
Don't call out for your neighbor, or friends and family,
They will just refer you to Washington, D.C.,


(bass) And they'll say

Let's get Caesar involved !
He will get the problem solved. 
If you find that you can't cope, call on Mr. Change and Hope....
That you can get Caesar involved.

(Repeat chorus forever and ever, praising Caesar and thanking him for his great and glorious works.) 

2 comments:

Nick Rowe said...

Hey, if a God-Emperor can't get those things done, who can? Oh, a Community Organizer!

I love watching Obama squirm about the Gulf oil spill. Maybe he should call Caesar or Jesus to plug the damned hole.

That would make a great video. You've got the makings of a winner there. Maybe an animated piece like Jib Jab.

Cedric Katesby said...

I love watching Obama squirm about the Gulf oil spill. Maybe he should call Caesar or Jesus to plug the damned hole.

"Damned hole?"

Don't go falling for the media spin.

Obama doesn't need to squirm about the spill.
It's all about information management.
Let's just remain calm.

The first thing is to point out that even though it's a big deal...it's not really a "big deal".

Is the damned hole as big a deal as WW2 and the Holocaust?
No.
Then, logically, the "damned hole" is't that much of a big deal and Obama doesn't have much to squirm about.
Right?

Context people!
It's all about context. You can make anything sound good just as long as you compare it to something "worse".

"Yes, your honour, I did rape and kill that 7-year old girl. Sure it's a "big deal". But don't forget how Hitler..."

See?

If Obama is attacked by his critics over the oil in the Gulf then he can spin it.

"We cap it. We clean it up. We start drilling again with better safety systems.
We learn from it, we live with it, we move on."


Move on.
That's the spirit!
Nothing to see here.
Stop gawking and making a big deal over nothing.
Move on.

Focus on the BIG picture.
Focus on REAL issues.
Think POSITIVE.

Mankind's progress, commerce, the need for resources, the spirit of exploration, or the advancement of science, Mom and apple pie, the spirit of '76, etc, etc, etc.

Focus on those things and stop squirming about some "damned hole".

Obama will probably bring out his top advisors who will assure the public that the clean-up will cost about $8 billion. Litigation will probably cost another $8 billion.

Chickenfeed.
Those numbers are real, solid numbers that measure the true cost of this "incident".
They will NEVER change or somehow not take into account any collatoral damage.
It's all factored in.
Nice and neat.
No need to squirm.

Obama will always be able to find true Americans to stand behind him when malicious people try to play the blame game just to make Obama squirm.

True Americans think "the federal and state response has been appropriate. BP's response has been appropriate".

There you go. Job done. Case closed.

Plus Obama can always use the "It's only natural" line.

He can talk about how oil naturally seeps up from the ocean all the time so...it's all good really.
And experts assure us that "this spill isn't large even by man-caused disaster standards".
Nosiree.

It's probably very small in comparison.
Tiny.
Hardly worth mentioning on TV.

Obama will do the right thing and reassure people not to lose any sleep over this.
He should go and tell those whiney shrimpers in Louisiana to just call their lawyer for their fair share of the settlement money.

The Gulf of Mexico fishing industry is going to be rich, rich, rich. Millionares overnight thanks to fat checks from BP.
Those lucky people.

The "damned hole" was the best thing that ever happened to them.