Nelson Mandela - R.I.P.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

  - William Ernest Henley

Often recited by Nelson Mandela to other prisoners on Robben Island in South Africa. 

 

Tom Smith And His Incredible Bread Machine

Here's an old poem about an entrepreneur and the government.  Classic stuff.  Can't believe I never posted any of it before. 
It was written by an engineer named R.W. Grant in 1966. 
I dare you to think of something besides the Hostess bankruptcy or the public abuse that the Papa John's Pizza founder is now taking....


This is a legend of success and plunder

And a man, Tom Smith,

Who squelched world hunger.

Now Smith, an inventor, has specialized in toys.

So, people were surprised

When they found that he instead

Of making toys, was BAKING BREAD!



The way to make bread he'd conceived

Cost less than people could believe.

And not just make it! This device

Could, in addition, wrap and slice!

The price per loaf, one loaf or many:

The miniscule sum of under a penny.



Can you image what this meant?

Can you comprehend the consequent?

The first time yet the world well fed!

And all because of Tom Smith's bread.



A citation from the President

For Smith's amazing bread.

This and other honors too

Were heaped upon his head.



But isn't it a wondrous thing

How quickly fame is flown?

Smith the hero of today -

Tomorrow, scarcely known.



Yes, the fickle years passed by:

Smith was a millionaire,

But Smith himself was now forgot -

Though bread was everywhere.

People, asked from where it came,

Would very seldom know.

They would simply eat and ask,

"Was not it always so?



However, Smith cared not a bit,

For millions ate his bread,

And "Everything is find," thought he,

"I am rich and they are fed!"



Everything was fine, he thought?

He reckoned not with fate.



Note the sequence of events

Starting on the date

On which the business tax went up.

Then, to a slight extent,

The price on every loaf rose too:

Up to one full cent!



"What's going on? the public cried,

"He's guilty of pure plunder.

He has no right to get so rich

On other people's hunger!"



(A prize cartoon depicted Smith

With fat and drooping jowls

Snatching bread from hungry babes

Indifferent to their howls!)



Well, since the Public does come first,

It could not be denied

That in matters such as this,

The Public must decide.

So, antitrust now took a hand.

Of course, it was appalled

At what it found was going on.

The "Bread trust," it was called.



Now this was getting serious,

So Smith felt that he must

Have a friendly interview

With the men in antitrust.

So, hat in hand, he went to them.



They'd surely been misled;

No rule of law had he defied.

But the their lawyer said:

"The rule of law, in complex times,

Has proved itself deficient.

We much prefer the rule of men!

It's vastly more efficient.

Now, let me state the present rules,"

The lawyer then went on,

"These very simple guidelines

You can rely upon"

You're gouging on your prices if

You charge more than the rest.

But it's unfair competition

If you think you can charge less.



"A second point that we would make

To help avoid confusion:

Don't try to charge the same amount:

That would be collusion!

You must compete. But not too much

For if you do, you see,

Then the market would be yours

And that's monopoly!"



Price too high? Or price too low?

Now, which charge did they make?

Well, they weren't loath to charging both

With Public Good at stake!



In fact, the went on better

They charged "monopoly!"

No muss, no fuss, oh woe is us,

Egad, they charged all three!



"Five years in jail," then the judge then said

"You're lucky it's not worse.

Robber Barons must be taught

Society Comes First!



Now, bread is baked by government.

And as might be expected,

Everything is well controlled:

The public well protected.



True, loaves cost a dollar each.

But our leaders do their best.

The selling price is half a cent.

(Taxes pay the rest!)


Brilliant little poem, isn't it? 

Can someone find Barack Obama's copy of this poem and shred it, and then explain to the dense s.o.b. that it's a Cautionary Tale and not an Instruction Manual for the economy?

A Dead Statesman - Rudyard Kipling

A Dead Statesman


I could not dig; I dared not rob:
Therefore I lied to please the mob.
Now all my lies are proved untrue
And I must face the men I slew.
What tale shall serve me here among
Mine angry and defrauded young?

 - Rudyard Kipling

An explanation of the lyrics of "The Star-Spangled Banner"

Have you ever had the experience of growing up with a song, having it become part of your sub-conscious, and not understanding or even thinking about what the lyrics mean until you are much older? 
I think that's how a lot of people experience "The Star-Spangled Banner".  How many people still know what a "rampart" is? 
There's been a lot of buzz about the song ever since Christina Aguilera butchered it during Super Bowl Disaster Week in Arlington. 
As a public service, I would like to offer an explanation of the lyrics to our national anthem. 

The song was written by amateur poet Francis Scott Key.  He was held captive on a British warship during the War of 1812, and had a front row seat for the bombardment of Baltimore's Fort McHenry.  As humorist Richard Armour once explained:

In an attempt to take Baltimore, the British attacked Fort McHenry, which protected the harbor. Bombs were soon bursting in air, rockets were glaring, and all in all it was a moment of great historical interest. During the bombardment, a young lawyer named Francis Scott Key wrote "The Star-Spangled Banner", and when, by the dawn's early light, the British heard it sung, they fled in terror. 

The thing requires a vocal reach of an octave and a half.  As many a vocalist will tell you, if you start off in too high of a first note, you're going to be in big, big trouble when you get to The Land Of The Free. 


That's all the preliminaries you need.  Here are they lyrics. 

O! say can you see by the dawn's early light,

What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming,

It's morning.  The only light you have to see by is the dawn's, and the dawn's light is early.  Pointing out that the dawn's light is early seems redundant, but it was necessary for the meter and the rhyme scheme. 
We're looking for something that we saw last night, something that we were so proud of that we hailed it, even though it was dark (twilight). 
So an evening has passed.  Something was there last night, and we're wondering if it is still there the next morning. 

Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?

The thing we're looking for had stars and stripes, and it was capable of "streaming gallantly".  Do you know what the thing was?  Do you?  Give up?  Ok, the thing with stars and stripes, capable of streaming gallantly, the thing that was there the night before but could not be seen clearly the next morning, it was our flag !!

All through the perilous (dangerous) fight (for Fort McHenry), Francis Scott Key watched the flag from the other side of the ramparts (a type of defensive wall).  Got it?  The flag is flying on one side of the rampart, and you're on the other side in a boat with Francis Scott Key every time you sing this song.  You're taking part in an 1812 battle reenactment. 

Fans of the Dallas Stars hockey team put particular emphasis on the word "Stars" when singing the anthem. 

And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there;

Remember, it is still nighttime but the bloody British are still bombing the daylights out of Fort McHenry.  What are they using?  Rockets.  Bombs. 
What do the rockets and bombs produce?  Glare.  Bursts. 
Why are the glare and the bursts important?  The rocket's red glare and the bombs bursting in air do nothing but provide enough light to prove to everyone on the ship that the U.S. flag is still flying over Fort McHenry. 
This couplet is a little jab at the declining effectiveness of British Sea Power, proven true later at Dunkirk and the overkill in the Falkland Islands. 

Fans of the Houston Rockets basketball team put particular emphasis on the word "Rockets" when singing these lines.  Fans of the Cincinatti Reds baseball team put particular emphasis on the word "Red" when singing these lines.  The remaining fans of the Dallas Cowboys football team put particular emphasis on the word "Bombs" when singing these lines, because that's what their team has done ever since coach Jimmy Johnson abandoned Jerry Jones. 

O! say does that star-spangled banner yet wave,
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

The last two lines are less complicated.  The poet is simply asking if our flag with stars all over it is still waving over his country. 
And every time we sing the song, that's where we end it.  We never answer the question.  Francis Scott Key is stuck on the boat in Baltimore harbor, with nothing to eat but truly godawful British food, wondering if the flag is still flying. 
UNLESS YOU SING THE REMAINING VERSES, OUR NATIONAL ANTHEM MAKES NO FREAKIN' SENSE !!!! 

Look at the first verse of Martin Luther's "A Mighty Fortress Is Our God".  If you just sing the first verse, and nothing else, it's like you're singing a song about the power of Satan. 
Singing the first verse of The Star-Spangled Banner without singing the rest is like singing the Beverly Hillbillies song, but stopping before you get to the part where Ol' Jed's a millionaire. 

So why don't we ever sing the other verses? 
Give me time.  I'll get there. 
Here's the second verse, the one that ends the suspense. 

On the shore, dimly seen through the mists of the deep,

Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,

I'm not sure if this verse is referring to the American army reposing or the British army reposing (haughtily).  I don't think it matters.  The important thing is that it's still misty and things are only "dimly seen". 

What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?

Now we're getting somewhere.  Something is blowing fitfully in the breeze on the "towering steep" hill.  Half concealed, half revealed....

Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
In full glory reflected now shines in the stream:

we're getting ready for the big reveal here....what is it....what is it....???


'Tis the star-spangled banner, O! long may it wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

I think I'm as patriotic as the next person, but I'm glad I got that over with.

So why don't we ever sing the rest? 
Because the third verse is kind of embarrassing, especially in light of the "land of the free" business. 

In the War of 1812, the British augmented their army with divisions of mercenaries and freed slaves.  These slaves were promised an opportunity to shoot their former owners if they would help out the redcoats. 
Heck, that's a bargain I would have probably taken. 
Now, look at the third verse in that light: 

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore

That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion,
A home and a country should leave us no more?
Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps' pollution.

The British army stunk up the place with their foul footsteps, but we used their blood to wash the place out. Kinda militaristic and barbaric, but we've all felt that way before, haven't we? 
Now for the money quote:

No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:

Yeah, if you try to create an army with hirelings (mercenaries) and slaves (ours), then you're going to get what you paid for.  But by contemporary standards, bragging about a military victory over an army of freed slaves makes the closing couplet into a freakin' joke:

And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Oh...The...Irony.

Let's move on again.  The fourth verse has created all sorts of mischief.  The sentiments have been inappropriately placed in the mouths of our Founding Fathers, created lawsuits about The Ten Commandments in our courtrooms, and have even shown up on our currency.  As far as I can tell, this is where one of our American slogans makes its first appearance:

O! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand

Between their loved home and the war's desolation.

As long as the freemen are (ahem) white. 

Blest with victory and peace, may the heav'n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation!

That would be a strong Constitution, giving power to the people and acknowledging that we are governed by our own consent.  Our government works for us, not vice-versa.  If higher Powers were involved, it was in pounding that basic concept into some of our heads. 


Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,

I don't have time to deconstruct that one.  Gotta be at work in thirty minutes.  Let's just say that we've had a long, long run of Presidents who could find a "just cause" for war by looking into a kindergarten dispute about nappy time.   

And this be our motto: "In God is our trust."

It wasn't our motto until Francis Scott Key said that it was.  End of story.  Why couldn't the boys at Fort McHenry just sink his damn boat? 



And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave
Done.  Complete.  Explained.  Hope this has helped. 

Al Gore and Vogon Poetry

If any of you are fan's of Douglas Adams' Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy series, you probably remember Vogon poetry.
Here's a brief description of the relative awfulness of Vogon poetry, from the Hitchhiker's Wikja:

Vogon poetry is of course, the third worst in the universe.
The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their poet master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning" four of his audience died of internal hemorrhaging and the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived only by gnawing one of his own legs off. Grunthos was reported to have been "disappointed" by the poem's reception, and was about to embark on a reading of his 12-book epic entitled "My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles" when his own major intestine--in a desperate attempt to save humanity--leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain.
The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator, Paul Neil Milne Johnstone of Redbridge, in the destruction of the planet Earth. Vogon poetry is mild by comparison.

Hold on a minute ! ! We have a new entry for one of those coveted Top Three Spots ! !

Here's The Goracle Of Music City, Tennessee, with a new entry that he couldn't squeeze into his latest book, "Our Choice: A Plan to Solve the Climate Crisis".



Be honest. Feel like gnawing a leg off ?

Denver Broncos 17, Dallas Cowboys 10, with a few words from Percy Bysshe Shelley's "Ozymandias"

The Denver Broncos beat the Dallas Cowboys 17-10. This was not supposed to happen.
Jerry Jones has fired six head coaches.
He has somehow held on to his job as Cowboys' General Manager.
He has taken people's homes by force, bulldozed the houses, and used the space to put up a temple to himself.

This puts me into a poetic mood. Here's some Percy Bysshe Shelley.


OZYMANDIAS


I met a traveller from an antique land Who said:
Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert…. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed:

And on the pedestal these words appear:

'My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:

Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair ! !


Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away."

Note to Jerry, the City of Arlington, and any other municipality that is tempted to abuse Eminent Domain: You really shouldn't steal houses.

We Won't Get Fooled Again ! (Revisited)

John Spivey, the Big Daddy of the Tarrant County Libertarian Party, recently asked me for a listing of my favorite Liberty-themed songs. I shot a few back at him and forgot about it.

And then today, this gem is posted on Facebook. Enjoy !

A few days ago I posted a status update asking "What song best describes Obama's first few months?" I thought 'Been Caught Stealing" by Janes Addiction... but mainly because I thought the title was funny. Mike Coyne thought "Make It Rain" by Li'l Wayne was a good choice, while Allen Patterson suggested "Won't Get Fooled Again", which also was a pretty funny title. But, Allen named the EXACT right song - line for line, almost, describing what we're going through now.

I realized this as I sat in my car this evening listening to the radio when those synthesized "Hammond Organ" chords started up, followed by Pete Townsend, Keith Moon and then Roger Daltrey sings the following (my notes in parentheses):

We'll be fighting in the streets (soon will be, likely)
With our children at our feet (Yep, our kids are bearing the burden of our excess)
And the morals that they worship will be gone (life, liberty, property - gone)
And the men who spurred us on (Obama/Biden and crew)
Sit in judgement of all wrong (The new arbiters of morality)
They decide and the shotgun sings the song (Their "philanthropy" are only enforceable by coersion)

I'll tip my hat to the new constitution (really, 'say goodbye' to old one!)
Take a bow for the new revolution (Well, MY revolution is a bit different)
Smile and grin at the change all around (Is this the change that we can believe in?)
Pick up my guitar and play (I like guitars)
Just like yesterday (all my troubles seemed so far away)
Then I'll get on my knees and pray (Please God, we're begging!!!)
We don't get fooled again (Too late. We've been fooled, folks)

The change, it had to come (After GOP led spending and governmental growth & wars)
We knew it all along (Just listen to Jefferson, Bastiat, Paul - they TOLD us)
We were liberated from the fold, that's all (freed from shackles and into a cell)
And the world looks just the same (Yep... no change really)
And history ain't changed (Nope - it's still the same too)
'Cause the banners, they are flown in the next war (MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!)

I'll move myself and my family aside (Individualism and family is second... the state is #1)
If we happen to be left half alive (just half?)
I'll get all my papers and smile at the sky (Get your tax records, health records, citizen ID ready)
Though I know that the hypnotized never lie (one of us.... one of us... one of us.... one of us...)
Do ya?

There's nothing in the streets (It's been plundered and looted...
Looks any different to me (It does seem like the different side of the same coin)
And the slogans are replaced, by-the-bye ("Country First" replaced by "Change")
And the parting on the left
Are now parting on the right (left and right no longer matter)
And the beards have all grown longer overnight (what? I don't get this at all)

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! (SCREAM of frustration!)

Meet the new boss (Hello.)
Same as the old boss!!!

So, instead of a grossly overspending government burning your children's future wages on a non-sensical war in Iraq all while trampling on our freedoms given to you by your creator... NOW, we're still in an expensive non-sensical war AND trampling on different freedoms and now, spending us into an economic nuclear winter. All, STILL at the point of a gun.

Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss... different side of the same coin, my friends.

Well said, Mr. Spivey.
Here's Mr. Townsend doing the original song:



And here's a link to some unknown genius on YouTube breaking down those guitar licks note-for-note:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZyhKB827vl0

The White Man's Burden, by Rudyard Kipling

This was Kipling's response to the American takeover of the Phillipines in 1899.


"Take up the White Man's burden--

Send forth the best ye breed--

Go bind your sons to exile

To serve your captives' need;

To wait in heavy harness,

On fluttered folk and wild--

Your new-caught, sullen peoples,

Half-devil and half-child.

Take up the White Man's burden--

In patience to abide,

To veil the threat of terror

And check the show of pride;

By open speech and simple,

An hundred times made plain

To seek another's profit,

And work another's gain.

Take up the White Man's burden--

The savage wars of peace--

Fill full the mouth of Famine

And bid the sickness cease;


And when your goal is nearest

The end for others sought,

Watch sloth and heathen Folly

Bring all your hopes to nought.

Take up the White Man's burden--

No tawdry rule of kings,

But toil of serf and sweeper--

The tale of common things.


The ports ye shall not enter,

The roads ye shall not tread,

Go mark them with your living,

And mark them with your dead.

Take up the White Man's burden--

And reap his old reward:

The blame of those ye better,

The hate of those ye guard--




The cry of hosts ye humour

(Ah, slowly!) toward the light:--

"Why brought he us from bondage,

Our loved Egyptian night?"




Take up the White Man's burden--

Ye dare not stoop to less--

Nor call too loud on Freedom

To cloke your weariness;





By all ye cry or whisper,

By all ye leave or do,

The silent, sullen peoples

Shall weigh your gods and you.




Take up the White Man's burden--

Have done with childish days--

The lightly proferred laurel,

The easy, ungrudged praise.




Comes now, to search your manhood

Through all the thankless years

Cold, edged with dear-bought wisdom,

The judgment of your peers!