Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you

Call me paranoid, but....

We've learned that IRS employees have declined to approve the tax-exempt status of Tea Party groups and other conservative organizations.   Democrats are generally fond of the IRS and taxing and wasting - much more so than Tea Party groups and Libertarians.  Something like 95% of IRS lawyers consider themselves Democrats.

If you're going to have an IRS with lots of power, you gotta be prepared for them to abuse it.  That's what people do with raw, unaccountable power. 

I can't stop shopping with the IRS and start shopping with a competitor, in the way that I fired Long John Silver's seafood restaurants and started eating at Captain D's (after a bad, bad fish sandwich episode). 

The IRS has a monopoly. If I had a choice, I would treat them like Long John Silver's seafood restaurants, and not give the IRS another dime.

This action on the part of the IRS just may have been enough to give the state of Ohio to Obama in the last election.  The IRS was everything it could, legal or illegal to support their candidate.  There's nothing I can do about it.  I can't fire them. 

Call me paranoid, but....

We've recently learned that the NSA has been accumulating records of our calls and emails.  If I had a choice, I'd de-fund the bastards immediately.  They would join Long John Silver's, Wal-Mart's produce department, AT&T's telephones, General Motors, and a host of other companies that I've fired. 

If the NSA wasn't using this phone/email/wiretap info to help Obama, I'll kiss your ass on the courthouse steps and give you 30 minutes beforehand to draw a crowd to witness the event.  I can't fire them either. 

Call me paranoid, but....

I use Google's free Blogger/Blogspot website hosting program for this website.  I've always liked it.  It's free.  Easy to use.  Google puts ads on it and I get some of the revenue anytime you good folks click on the ads.  Google gets money anytime you click on them too.   

I can't prove this, but it seems that the great majority of political sites that use Blogger/Blogspot are either economically conservative, socially conservative, or small-l libertarian.  (Yeah, I know they cater the searches to your track record.)  But it seems that there are a lot more anti-Democrat bloggers than there are pro-Democrat bloggers.  Hell, the Dems already have almost every newspaper in the U.S. except for the Washington Times and maybe the NY Post.  Who needs the drunken ramblings of a Democrat Precinct Captain when you've already got the New York Times??? 

Google supports the Dems in general and Obama in particular. 

MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif.--Few Silicon Valley companies have ever embraced a political party as passionately as Google has. Its executive chairman, Eric Schmidt, has been described as a "kind of guru" to President Obama's campaign manager, and Google employees emerged as the No. 2 donor to the Democratic National Committee in the last election.....

....Google's affection for Democrats, especially the president, is long-standing. Schmidt stumped for Obama and joined other company executives in chipping in for the inaugural celebration. Employees and the company's political action committee gave $1.6 million to Democrats in the last presidential election, according to the Center for Responsive Politics, but only $300,000 to GOP candidates. In 2008, Google's climate director, Dan Reicher, exhorted an audience at the Democratic National Convention to "get out the vote and let's get Barack Obama elected in November!"

Google has been hassled by the FTC about sending traffic to their own "products" instead of those of competitors.  That's nobody's business but Google's, in my arrogant opinion.  They shoulda told the FTC to go have sexual relations with themselves.   

But....If I were a high-ranking exec at Google, and I wanted to do my part to help The Obamessiah, I'd start by steering readers away from those anti-Obama websites.  Even if it meant steering a few readers away from the pro-Obama sites that I also "owned".  That, too, is nobody' business but Google's.  If you don't like Google, you can fire them with the click of a mouse. 

A LOT of my traffic used to come from Google.  No more. 

I like to think that I've served up high-quality rants in an entertaining manner several times a week since 2007.  I don't think that the quality has gone down.  There's probably been some competition from Facebook, where everyone I know is now a blogger.  And perhaps Google was correct not to keep sending me a ridiculous amount of traffic based on one picture of Macaulay Culkin. 

This is what the daily hits for this site have looked like from the beginning.  (BTW, I'm now grateful for the new search engine called Bing.  They're now sending me almost as much traffic as Google does, and are going to become my desktop's new home page as soon as I finish writing this rant.) 

A lot of you folks have been reading my stuff for a long, long time. 
Did I suddenly descend into drunkenness and become tiresome after December 2010 ? 
Did Google ignore their "Don't Be Evil" mission statement and roll over for the FTC and start spreading their search results around to more competitor sites? 
Or is my paranoia justified, and Google made a conscious decision to de-emphasize its Blogger/Blogspot program, the one that has all those anti-Obama guys typing away in their pajamas? 

What it comes down to is this....  Should I continue typing crap for Google and letting them make money (however small the amount) from my efforts?  Should I fire Google and get my own domain? 

Call me paranoid, but....

It would be a lot easier to decide what to do if those black helicopters that follow me all day didn't keep blowing away my tinfoil hat. 

FDR Logic

Seriously. 
They really did this. 
And the Depression went on and on and on. 

Barack Obama is the greatest president ever.

Barack Obama, if judged by current standards, is the greatest U.S. president EVER. 
I've made that proclamation before, but it was premature.  That was nothing more than a wild prediction based on incomplete evidence. 
Obama is the greatest.  There is no competition. 

George W. gave the military industrial complex a beautiful gift in Iraq and Afghanistan.  If your aircraft, helicopter, defense contractor, or bomb-making company gave to George W., he gave back to you.   

Clinton, if judged by those standards, was a total failure.  I challenge anyone to name a major boondoggle that Clinton gave a supporter.  (To qualify as major, it has to be tens of millions, BTW.)

George the 1st had a preliminary Iraq excursion, but it was in-and-out and over too quickly.
 
Reagan spent money like a drunk cowboy, with the stated goal of bankrupting the Soviets.  He did well for his supporters.  He gets an honorable mention, but was no more than a John The Baptist wandering in the wilderness telling the politically connected to get ready for the real thing. 

Carter?  He created the Department Of Energy, which is a sort of venture capital firm that loans out your money to companies willing to paint their machinery green.  Carter truly paved the way, rolling out the red carpet for the Teleprompter Jesus.  Carter is first runner-up. 

But Obama has retired the trophy. 

If politicians are to be judged by the pounds of pork, slop, loot and graft they can hand a supporter, and this seems to be the standard for most voters, then Barack Hussein Obama is the greatest president who ever lived. 

Go here.  Hit that link.  It's beautiful.  (And green.)  Fans of Chicago-style graft, kickbacks and corruption will get down on their knees and thank God they were alive to experience something like this.  Seriously.  Here's THE LINK again.  Hit it. 

The definition of a boondoggle came from here.  The picture of a boondoggle came from here. 

We will never see another one like him, and we should enjoy this while it lasts.  We are like beginning musicians getting to watch Beethoven compose symphonies, or amateur artists watching Van Gogh paint.  Because you are lucky enough to be alive at this moment, you can tell your grandchildren that you got to watch Barack Obama hand out money.

Some Fairly Unique Synergized Solutions

This guy is accepting nominations for the Top 100 Cliches in the English language. 
I'll post my nominations later, mostly from the sports world, but he's off to a great start with no help from me.
(By the way, did you folks know that I'm employed by the world's leading value-added, vertically integrated, synergized supplier of Produce Elevation Solutions?  Yep.  That means we build all of the components of some really good fruitstands.) 

Here's th list so far: 
 1. It’s the economy, stupid.
2. A week is a long time in politics. Or variants thereof, such as, “If a week is a long time in politics then a month seems an eternity.”
3. What part of x don’t you understand? Although this one seems to have nearly died out already.
4. Way beyond, or way more.
5. Any time soon.
6. “Events, dear boy, events.” (Except as the name of an excellent political blog, currently in abeyance.)
7. Learning curve.
8. Raising awareness.
9. Celebrating diversity.
10. In any way, shape or form.
11. Inclusive.
12. Community, especially a vibrant one.
13. Hearts and minds.
14. Celebrity.
15. Makeover.
16. Lifestyle.
17. Going forward.
18. A forward policy.
19. A big ask.
20. At this moment in time.
21. Not fit for purpose.
22. Hard-working families.
23. Apologies for lack of postings.
24. Black hole (in a financial context).
25. The elephant in the room.
26. Perfect storm.
27. Seal the deal.
28. A good election to lose.
29. Game-changer.
30. Beginning an article with “So”.
31. IMO, IMHO, LOL, ROFL and so on. I mean, whose opinion is it going to be? Genuinely witty abbreviations, however, are permitted, for example, QTWTAIN, YYSSW, IICRS (Questions to Which the Answer is No; Yeah, Yeah, Sure, Sure, Whatever; Iraq Inquiry Coverage Rebuttal Service).
32. Vibrant (when used to mean lots of non-English people).
33. Progressive.
34. Arguably, as in “arguably the most perfect village in the Siebenburgen” (Spectator, 24 July 2010).
35. Headlines beginning “Now”, as in “Now You Pay for Prison Parties.”
36. We will take no lessons on x from y.
37. Beginning a report with “They came”.
38. Iconic.
39. “Action” as a verb.
40. Parameter.
41. The level of.
42. A sense of.
43. A series of.
44. The introduction of.
45. A package of. Especially measures.
46. A basket of.
47. A raft of.
48. A range of.
49. The prospect of.
50. (All) the hallmarks of.
51. “Leverage” as a verb.
52. U-turn as a verb.
53. Dislocate as a noun. Or disconnect.
54. Toilet, storyline or any other unsuitable noun as a verb.
55. Exponential or exponentially used to mean big or a lot.
56. Incredible or incredibly as intensifiers.
57. On a daily basis.
58. It’s in his/her/their DNA.
59. Let’s be clear.
60. At the end of the day.
61. Organic, to refer to anything unrelated to farming or to the chemical science that deals with carbon-based compounds.
62. “The truth is…” before the peddling of an opinion.
63. End of.
64. Any journey not describing travel from A to B.
65. A no-brainer.
66. Pot, kettle.
67. What’s not to like?
68. Max out (in relation to credit cards only).
69. He/she gets it. They get it. He/she/it just doesn’t get it.
70. “All the evidence tells us” to mean “I’ve read something about this somewhere that confirms my prejudices”.
71. Fairly unique.
72. Paradigm shift. Or anything to do with a paradigm.
73. Quantum leap, except to mean a very small change of fixed magnitude.
74. Step change.
75. Sea change.
76. Real people and the real world. In real time.
77. Coffee, the waking up and smelling thereof.
78. Ongoing.
79. Project, except in the construction industry.
80. “No longer.” (Following a loving description of The Way We Were.)
81. Agenda, except to describe a list of things to be discussed in a meeting.
82. Out of the box (especially thinking).
83. Kick the can down the road.
84. Psychodrama. (To describe any tense political relationship.)
85. Radar, to be on someone’s, or to be under the.
86. Name and shame.
87. Does what it says on the tin.
88. Stakeholder.
89. Deliverables.
90. Key (adjective). Especially keynote speech.
91. Enough already.
92. Who knew?
93. Epic fail.
94. See what I/he/she did there?
95. Not so much.
96. Beleaguered, except of a city, town or fort with turrets.
97. Rolling out, except carpet, wallpaper or logs.
98. Forward planning (until invention of time machine allowing other kinds).
99. “And yet, and yet …”
100. The suffix -gate added to any news theme supposedly embarrassing to a government.

You now have the right to eat Roach Coach food in San Antonio

The Institute For Justice has triumphed over evil. 

Practiced since ancient times, street vending is more popular than ever. The Economist magazine predicted that in 2011 “some of the best food Americans eat may come from a food truck.” Vendors are the darlings of many food critics, and they even have their own reality show on the Food Network.

But El Paso, Texas, has recently made it illegal for mobile food vendors to operate within 1,000-feet of any restaurant, convenience store, or grocer. The city even prohibits vendors from parking to await customers, which forces vendors to constantly drive around town until a customer successfully flags them down–and then be on the move again as soon as the customer walks away.

Thus, while people across the country embrace mobile vendors for the vitality and creativity they bring to a local restaurant scene, El Paso has decided to threaten vendors with thousands of dollars in fines and effectively run them out of town. El Paso’s No-Vending Zone scheme is in place for one reason: to protect brick-and-mortar restaurants from honest competition. But economic protectionism is not a valid use of government power.




Someday soon, I'm going to throw out a Bon Apetit/Gourmet magazine parody post that ranks all of the Fort Worth Roach Coaches, since I'm somewhat of a fan of the concept. 
The people who operate them have to endure lots of crap from government pygmies. 
Go here if you've got time to read some old rants about other municipalities trying to shut down street vendors.  Or licensing tamale ladies. 

Ummmm...We don't believe that our neighbors deserve a choice

Here's Reason magazine's Nick Gillespie laying into assorted idjits who don't want to allow their neighbors to have a choice in department stores.

Let's assign each neighborhood a grocery store. One grocery store.

Don Boudreaux has produced another great parable:

Suppose that we were supplied with groceries in same way that we are supplied with K-12 education.


Residents of each county would pay taxes on their properties. A huge chunk of these tax receipts would then be spent by government officials on building and operating supermarkets. County residents, depending upon their specific residential addresses, would be assigned to a particular supermarket. Each family could then get its weekly allotment of groceries for “free.” (Department of Supermarket officials would no doubt be charged with the responsibility for determining the proper amounts and kinds of groceries that families of different kinds and sizes are entitled to receive.)

Except in rare circumstances, no family would be allowed to patronize a “public” supermarket outside of its district.

Residents of wealthier counties – such as Fairfax County, VA and Somerset County, NJ – would obviously have better-stocked and more attractive supermarkets than would residents of poorer counties. And, thanks to a long-ago U.S. Supreme Court decision, families would be free to shop at private supermarkets that charge directly for the groceries they offer; such private-supermarket families, though, would get no discount on their property-tax bills.

When the quality of supermarkets is recognized by nearly everyone to be dismal, calls for “supermarket choice” would be rejected by a coalition of greedy government-supermarket workers and ideologically benighted collectivists as attempts to cheat supermarket customers from out of good supermarket service – indeed, as attempts to deny ordinary families the food that they need for their very survival. Such ‘choice,’ it would be alleged, will drain precious resources from the public supermarkets whose (admittedly) poor performance testifies to the fact that these supermarkets are underfunded.

And the small handful of people who call for total separation between supermarket and state would be criticized by nearly everyone as being, at best, delusional and – it would be thought more realistically – more likely misanthropic devils who are indifferent to the malnutrion and starvation that would sweep the land if only private market forces governed the provision and patronizing of supermarket. (Some indignant observers would even wonder aloud at the insensitivity of referring to grocery shoppers as “customers”; surely the relationship between suppliers of life-giving foods and the people who need these foods is not so crass as to be properly discussed as being ‘commercial.’)

************

Does anyone believe that such a system for supplying groceries would work well, or even one-tenth as well as the current private, competitive system that we currently rely upon for supplying grocery-retailing services? To those of you who might think so, pardon me but you’re nuts.


To those of you who understand that such a system for supplying grocery-retailing services would be a catastrophe, why might you continue to count yourself in the ranks of those who believe that government schooling (especially the way it is currently funded and supplied) is the system that we should continue to use?

I apologize for scraping the entire post.  Save a link to the Cafe Hayek website.  Worth reading daily.  Hourly.  Or more. 

You cannot accept gold as payment. You must accept Ben Bernanke's worthless paper.

From Sovereign Man:

The United States Department of Justice delivered a very clear and unfortunate message on Friday:

“Attempts to undermine the legitimate currency of this country are simply a unique form of domestic terrorism. While these forms of anti-government activities do not involve violence, they are every bit as insidious and represent a clear and present danger to the economic stability of this country.”

These remarks were released by the US Attorney’s office in the western district of North Carolina following the conviction of one Bernard von NotHaus, the creator of the ill-fated Liberty Dollar.

As you likely recall from a few years ago, Liberty Dollars were privately minted gold and silver rounds. Paper certificates, akin to warehouse receipts were also issued, effectively giving the bearer a right to claim a certain amount of gold or silver at the group’s warehouse in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho.

This is traditionally how the system of money used to function– precious metals would be stored in private, secure storage facilities, and paper certificates were issued as a medium of exchange that entitled the bearer to redeem metal from the vault. Liberty Dollars represented a return to that system.

Clearly, the Justice Department feels otherwise… instead viewing these silver rounds as an attempt by terrorists to undermine the US dollar.

Hit the link to read the rest of Sovereign Man's post.  It's worth the trip. 

Anyway, back during the previous Great Depression, FDR decided that he didn't want gold to compete with his valueless paper money.  Here's Wikipedia on the infamous Executive Order 6102:

Executive Order 6102 required U.S. citizens to deliver on or before May 1, 1933, all but a small amount of gold coin, gold bullion, and gold certificates owned by them to the Federal Reserve, in exchange for $20.67 per troy ounce. Under the Trading With the Enemy Act of October 6, 1917, as amended on March 9, 1933, violation of the order was punishable by fine up to $10,000 ($167,700 if adjusted for inflation as of 2010) or up to ten years in prison, or both. Most citizens who owned large amounts of gold had it transferred to countries such as Switzerland. 

Order 6102 specifically exempted "customary use in industry, profession or art"—a provision that covered artists, jewelers, dentists, and sign makers among others. The order further permitted any person to own up to $100 in gold coins ($1,677 if adjusted for inflation as of 2010; a face value equivalent to 5 troy ounces (160 g) of Gold valued at about $6200 as of 2010). The same paragraph also exempted "gold coins having recognized special value to collectors of rare and unusual coins." This protected gold coin collections from legal seizure and likely melting.

The price of gold from the Treasury for international transactions was thereafter raised to $35 an ounce ($587 in 2010 dollars). The resulting profit that the government realized funded the Exchange Stabilization Fund established by the Gold Reserve Act in 1934.

So what? 

Well, if people are ever allowed to swap real honest-to-god silver and gold coins in exchange for goods and services, it won't be long before people refuse to do business with Bernanke Bucks.  There is a relatively limited supply of gold and silver.  Bernanke's capacity to print $20.00 bills is unlimited.  If you ever wrap your mind around why counterfeiting is illegal, and why debtor governments love inflation, then you'll understand why our government doesn't want a currency competitor. 

If I agree to accept a gold nugget as payment for goods and services, it's nobody's business but mine.  If I agree to accept Mickey Mantle baseball cards, ditto.  I'm making the choice.  As long as nobody mis-represents the nuggets or the cards, government has no business getting involved. 

But if people continue to accept worthless paper from Bernanke's printing press?  Well, somebody ought to be a good neighbor and suggest some alternatives.  I'm just sayin'.....

The picture of Bernanke's Printing Press came from here. 

Barack Obama has fired more cruise missiles than all other Nobel Peace prize winners combined !!!

From the comments of the Just One Minute Blog:

Barack Obama has now been responsible for firing more cruise missiles than all other Nobel Peace prize winners combined.


He's still in 2nd place for number of Arab deaths caused (and 3rd place for Muslim deaths) behind Yassir Arafat and Mikhail Gorbachev.

Yeah, I thouht that when a politician got the Nobel, it was for negotiating, or talking, or de-fusing tense situations. 

The pic came from here. 

Absurditopia is about to declare war on Stupidia, and you are going to lose

Since our Commander-In-Chief and some of his Republican enablers seem determined to start a trade war with China, here's an excerpt from Don Boudreaux's fantasy about what it would be like if real wars were like trade wars. 

Leader of Absurditoptia (A): I say, leader of Stupidia – we demand that you stop occupying that contested strip of land. If you refuse, we’ll have no choice but to shoot our own citizens.

Leader of Stupidia (S): You don’t scare us! That land is ours. And if you do kill some of your own people, make no mistake that we will immediately – and just as cruelly – commence to killing our own people. Courage is our national motto!

(A): Ha! You’re bluffing. But I’m not. I’ve just courageously ordered my troops to mow down in cold blood ten percent of my fellow countrymen. Take that!

(S): How dare you attack you like that! You leave us no choice but to attack us. I am ordering the Stupidian army to slaughter 15 percent of innocent Stupidians here in Stupidia. How do you like them apples?!

(A): You are cruel and inhuman to damage us by killing your people. I hereby instruct all of my fellow Absurditopians to commit suicide! Only then will you nasty Stupidians get your proper comeuppance and we Absurditopians the justice that we are due!

(S): You can’t beat us, you Absurditopian you! Listen up. I’m ordering all of my fellow citizens – Stupidians all! – to commit suicide. We’ll see who emerges victorious!
….

Then a long, long silence.

Try looking at it this way.  If the top executives at Neiman Marcus could pass laws to discourage you from shopping at Target, they would do so.  If the top executives at Target could pass laws to discourage you from shopping at Neiman Marcus, they would do so.  And if you learned that those executives had written those laws, you would have them tarred and feathered.  You would be outraged. 

But when U.S. companies pass laws making Chinese tires or Canadian lumber more expensive, we roll over and take it.  Go figure that one out. 

The picture of the Trade War came from here. 

Are we going to give Toyota the benefit of another show trial?

So are we going to have another show trial? 



Are we going to reimburse Congress's GM and Chrysler's competitors? 

Is Obama going to set up a slush fund escrow account to pay off Toyota dealers, mechanics, and salesmen because of the harm done to their business, kinda like we're doing for the victims of the BP oil spill?  Is Obama going to call Reid and Pelosi into the White House, and tell them how much they're going to set aside for their victims? 

I don't think so. 

Oh well.  You can go here for details.  Old people tend to confuse the gas pedal with the brake.  Move along, people.  Nothing to see here. 

Texas is the #1 state for business in the U.S.A.

Once again, Texas is CNBC's  #1 state for business in the U.S. 

We are a right-to-work state with NO state income tax.   

You can go here to see the rankings.  Go here for CNBC's analysis of why Texas is #1. 

One puzzling sentence in the CNBC analysis....high wages hurt the state in the all-important Cost-of-Doing-Business category, where it comes in at number 30.

Let's repeat that.....high wages hurt the state in the all-important Cost-of-Doing-Business category, where it comes in at number 30.

Does this mean you don't have to be represented by the mafia or devote part of your paycheck to Democrat politicians in order to earn high wages?   How can we possibly have abnormally high wages as a right-to-work state? 

Could it be that individuals prosper most when they represent themselves instead of allowing....awwww, never mind. 

I've posted this before.  Here's some Ray Wylie Hubbard.  You can go ahead and fast-foward to the two-minute mark where the song gets crankin'.   

A brief rant about illegal tamales

For the last couple of weeks, I've been working out of a new Jukt Micronics warehouse in Richland Hills, Texas. 
Three different ladies come by every morning, selling homemade tamales and breakfast burritos. 

As best I can tell, there's not a convenience store, grocery store, or restaurant within a half mile of this location.
I've established that none of these ladies have food-handler's permits, small business licenses, street vendor authorization permits, or any of the other competition-stifling apparatus that would keep these three ladies from getting my guys fed every morning.

If there is a risk associated with eating this food, it's one that my employees and I have accepted with our eyes wide open.  Compare these tamales with the 3-day old, shrink-wrapped, industrialized fodder in a retail establishment.  The stuff that the "illegals" provide will make you throw rocks at that mess.   

If you are a city health inspector, my email address is dapfortworth at aol dot com.  Please email me, and I will let you know when the food vendors are going to come by my warehouse.  I want to photograph your sorry ass writing health violations on some of the best food provided by some of the best cooks in North Texas.
Or you could just call in sick for the rest of your "career".  No one would miss you.  Just stay home.  You're a burden on society who does nothing but add to the debt level.     
End of rant.  Thanks for listening !  

We, too, will soon be guaranteed surgeries withing 18 weeks. It's a basic human right.

Britain (you know, the place across the Atlantic with socialized healthcare) has introduced something called "A Patient's Bill Of Rights".

British officials say the NHS is now less likely to face a big bill because the Government has sought to cut waiting lists and has sometimes sent patients abroad.The Department of Health says that, while in 2000, people could be waiting as long as 18 months for surgery, the average wait for inpatient treatment was now eight weeks. It has also set a target to reduce to 18 weeks the time from an appointment with a general practitioner to an operation.



I'm gonna let that quote stand as is. No further commentary necessary, except to explain to my readers overseas that we don't wait that long for anything except transplants.


Picture of British plumber who has been waiting 10 months for surgery on broken arm came from here.

China's complete and total victory is assured.

Sorry for posting so many videos, but this stuff from Jay Leno's show is priceless. If you don't laugh out loud a couple of times during the last minute and a half, well, you're probably a schoolteacher and have developed an immunity.

Al Gore and Vogon Poetry

If any of you are fan's of Douglas Adams' Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy series, you probably remember Vogon poetry.
Here's a brief description of the relative awfulness of Vogon poetry, from the Hitchhiker's Wikja:

Vogon poetry is of course, the third worst in the universe.
The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their poet master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning" four of his audience died of internal hemorrhaging and the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived only by gnawing one of his own legs off. Grunthos was reported to have been "disappointed" by the poem's reception, and was about to embark on a reading of his 12-book epic entitled "My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles" when his own major intestine--in a desperate attempt to save humanity--leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain.
The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator, Paul Neil Milne Johnstone of Redbridge, in the destruction of the planet Earth. Vogon poetry is mild by comparison.

Hold on a minute ! ! We have a new entry for one of those coveted Top Three Spots ! !

Here's The Goracle Of Music City, Tennessee, with a new entry that he couldn't squeeze into his latest book, "Our Choice: A Plan to Solve the Climate Crisis".



Be honest. Feel like gnawing a leg off ?