Mandatory Drug Testing For Farm Subsidy Recipients

Lawmakers finish farm bill as White House repeats opposition
By MARY CLARE JALONICK Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Married couples with joint incomes of up to $1.5 million from their farm operation could still qualify for crop subsidies under a five-year, $300 billion farm bill compromise that would boost the Agriculture Department's food and farm programs.

Don't even think about hitting that link unless you've got a strong stomach, or are already a subsidy recipient. Nancy Pelosi is also wanting to subsidize the jillionaire horse farms represented in the Kentucky Derby, fer heaven's sake.

They try to make this bill more wholesome by linking it to Food Stamps, Lunch Programs, etc., but the two concepts have almost nothing in common other than the word "food".

A lot of people get angry about subsidies to oil companies. Some people can get worked up over farm subsidies. One day a couple of weeks ago, Alex Chadwick on NPR ripped Senator Tom Harkin a new one over the amount of pork in this year's farm bill (pun intended). Senator Harkin, a Democrat who represents Archer Daniels Midland Iowa, was trying to justify the giveaways by explaining the new subsidies for Fruit and Vegetable producers.

As if we need more people waiting in line for the government tit.

When Chadwick called B.S. on him, all Harkin could do was sputter about, "Well, Exxon Mobil and the oil companies get a lot of subsidies, don't they?"

The man is an actual United States Senator. I don't have a transcript of the interview. I'll change the text above if someone can send me one.

A lot of people get angry about the character and work ethic of those who receive traditional welfare handouts. They advocate drug testing for all welfare recipients. After all, there's no point in subsidizing someone who is going to spend the money in an irresponsible manner. They don't want their tax dollars going to crack dealers. They get furious when the person in line ahead of them at the supermarket uses food stamps to buy top sirloin.

What's good for the Welfare Mother should be good for the millionaire racehorse owner, don't you think?

I propose similar testing for all forms of corporate welfare. If you get a subsidy for, say, your horse farm in Kentucky, there should be provisions in place to prevent you from spending the money on crack cocaine OR on ridiculous hats for the Derby.

If you get a subsidy for your sugar plantation monopoly in Florida, there should be provisions in place to send you to rehab and counseling if you're caught contributing to the campaigns of either major political party. There are certain classes of criminals you shouldn't be allowed to associate with.

If you're an Iowa corn farmer and take a government-mandated urinalysis, and you test positive for "Lobbyists", you would be forced to take classes in "How To Sell To Customers Instead Of Selling To Government". Flunk it again, and you don't get to have a caucus at your house in 2012. If you get caught with Lobbyists in your bloodstream one more time then it's three strikes, you're out. No Appeal. You would be forced to live off nothing but your wheat and soybean subsidy. No more corn subsidies for you, buddy.

I know, it's harsh. But those who stayed clean for a year, they'd get a "Just Say NO To Nancy Pelosi" T-shirt.

It would be a Hand Up, not a Hand Out.

It's all about Tough Love. Scared Straight.

This is your brain.

This is your brain on drugs.

And this is your brain voting for any politician who votes in favor of this farce.

Corn and Money picture from The Acton Institute, which is loosely affiliated with Calvin Theological Seminary, of all places. Hat Tip to The Truth Handler for the link to the AP farm bill article.