Monday, March 30, 2009

A heartfelt prayer for General Motors

Dear God,

You remember that day about 15 years ago when I almost bought that little Chevy pickup, but went with the less expensive Ford Ranger?
I want to thank you for that day. I had to go against everything my father taught me when I bought a Ford instead of a Chevy. Looking back, I can see that it was your hand that guided me. I'm truly not worthy.

Please be with the people who own not only Chevys, but also Buicks, Pontiacs, Saturns, and Cadillacs. They're going to have a hard time getting replacement parts. Not because the company has gone under, and their patents sold off to competitors, but because Barack Obama is now running General Motors. And he's never even been the cashier supervisor at a Taco Bell.

They can't even staff the Treasury. Please help them, God.

Wait, I take that back. Please, please, please don't help them. They don't need encouragement. But thy will be done.

Our government, which runs the post office, V.A. hospitals, and the Department of Motor Vehicles, has taken over the world's largest auto manufacturer, in hopes of making it more "lean, mean, and competitive". Lord Jesus come quickly, for no one here appreciates irony.

They're also going to give us vouchers to encourage us to buy more cars. Each voucher will be worth $3,000 to $5,000. But is there anything worse for the environment than cars? "The earth lies polluted under its inhabitants; for they have transgressed laws, violated the statutes, broken the everlasting covenant." (Someplace in Isaiah, I think....) And yet, we will soon be paying more for everything but cars in order to protect the environment. Save us from this wicked generation, O God.

Thank you for the United Auto Workers Union. May they all find jobs with my enemies, so they can do for them what they've done for G.M.

God, please be with Rick Wagoner, the G.M. Chief Executive Officer who Obama forced to resign. Thank you for setting Wagoner up with a $20,000,000.00 severance package. When I first heard the news, I was afraid that I would have to bring Wagoner and his family some canned goods and used clothing from the church. You truly work in mysterious ways your wonders to perform.

God, please give us the wisdom to know the difference between the words "Socialism" and "Fascism", and let us know which one we're approaching.

We ask these things in the name of The Obamessiah, The Chosen One, & "The Teleprompter Jesus",


P.S. - I don't mean to dance on the graves of any company, God, but if the G.M. plant in Arlington shuts down??? When they have the auction do you think you could get me a good deal on some more freight scales and stretch wrap machines? Not a big deal; I'm just wondering.


Sew daze said...

My son,

Since you are such a faithful beleiver, you will get the whole building. You can stack Met-tbl's to your hearts content. You can program those robots to load the trucks for you my son. And they will also insure that the packing lists are correct and signed by the driver.

The one of the name in which we do not speak, will not be allowed to step into the building my son. I command that she will be struck into a pillar of salt if she peers into the holy temple of grocery fixture storage.

All I ask, make a temple to me. Light some candles and sacrifice either one of the unfaithful or a wood product that has been smitten by Satan.

I hath spoken.

The Whited Sepulchre said...

"So shall it be written, so shall it be done"

- Pharoah, as played by Yul Brenner in "The Ten Commandments"

Dr Ralph said...

Don't make fun. I'm in mourning for my Saturn.

Mark said...

I don't understand the whole concept.. don't require the cars to be cheaper, instead give everyone a free voucher (paid for by the taxpayers) so they can keep doing what they have been doing?