This month's Nigerian email scams

Don't bother reading these.
I repeat, don't read these.
I just post them for the Google hits, and to possibly prevent some sucker from getting ripped off. So don't bother reading any of this stuff.
But if you're gonna read some of them anyway, I've never seen one as direct as this. "Trish" has sent me a couple of political cartoons, just to keep me opening her emails. Then I get this bulletin:

From: Trish Yancey ytrish@hotmail.com

how are you , i traveled to West Africa in Nigeria for a program and i got robbed on way to the hotel .i cant believe this is happening to me right now. i need a soft loan of 1800$ from you . i will pay you back when i arrive.please get back to me immediately you get this mail OK. waiting for your reply.

Let the world know if you can help Trish out with her immediate financial needs in Nigeria.
Here are a few older ones:

Dear friend,
I hope my email meets you well. I am in need of your assistance. My name is
Sgt .Meijer Derrick. I am in the Engineering military unit here in Baghdad in
Iraq, we have about ten Million US dollars that we want to move out of the
country. My partners and I need a good partner, someone we can trust. It is oil
money and legal. We are moving it through diplomatic means, to send it to your
house directly or a bank of your choice using diplomatic courier service.The
most important thing is that can we trust you? Once the funds get to you, you
take your 15% out and keep our own 85%. Please we need your trust and
commitment. Your own part of this deal is to find a safe place where the funds
can be sent to. Our own part is sending it to you. If you are interested I will
furnish you with more details. But the whole process is simple and we must keep
a low profile at all times.I look forward to your reply and co-operation, and
I thank you in advance as I anticipate your co-operation. Waiting for your
urgent response.For security reasons I am using this email: (
info_vandijk@inbox.com )

Regards,
Sgt .Meijer Derrick. NB: You should provide me with your private email for
futher communications.

And then there's this gem. I've won ! I've won !

Dear winner,

You have won €450,000.00 in the Lotto ShopAward Lottery E-mail Lotto Shop Award Sweepstakes Program Corporation, held on the 19th of Mar 2009. We write to officially notify you of this award and to advise you to contact the processing office immediately for the claim,Winning Information's(1) Batch No: BLN/1611/899 (2) Ticket No:BLN/AB1985(3) Lucky No: QBL/13977 (4) Serial No: SWNL/65201(5) Ref No: SWBDZ/1171Mr.Frank DorekTel:+34 691 955 349

Email:eurodepar@aim.com

Your full Names:Fax/Telephone:

Age:Congratulations!!!

Mrs. Angela Van Poort

In this one, Robert has fallen on hard times. The disease hasn't merely defied treatment, but it has also defiled it:

Greetings.

As you read this, don't feel sorry for me, because it is the destiny of everyman to die someday. I am Mr, Robert Lee Khalid,a naturalised Briton by birth and a business merchant based in the United Kingdom. I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer.

It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts. I regret that I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone (not even myself), but my trade. I have decided to support charity work; this is what i want to be remembered for. So far, I have been able to reach out to a few charity organizations in the Singapore, Algeria and Malaysia. Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore.

The last of my belonging which no one knows of, is the huge deposit of Eight Million US dollars ($8, 000, 000,00)that I have in a safe keeping company abroad, which I will want you to secrue and bestow to charity organizations. Please reply me via email: robertleekhalid@gmail.com

For your time and devotion, I have set aside a 20% of this for you. God be with you.

Mr : Robert Lee Khalid.

This one is short and sweet and to the point:

Dear friend
I am Janet Joseph, widow from sierra Leone residing presently in republic of
Benin as a result of war that erupted my country.
We have presently the sum of 18million U.S. Dollars which was deposited with
securities and finance firm by my late husband before he was killed by unknown
people.
We need your assistance to secure the funds from the securities company and also
in the areas of investments.
If you are interested, urgently contact my son Clifford,
who is presently on asylum in Europe through this email address
(cliffjoseph1004@aim.com) more details.
Regards
Janet Joseph

Another Lottery win ! ! !

The Shell Petroleum LotteryCompany Spain Shell Centre,Span,SE1 7NA, Spain.SHELL PETROLEUM WINNER NOTIFICATION.Attention Dear Winner,The Shell Petroleum Lottery Company Spain Espana wishes to congratulate you on your success as one of our Ten ( 10 ) Star oil lottery Prize Winner in this years 2009 lottery that was conducted over the internet with our automated email selecting machine .You have been declared the winner of €1.000.000.00 (One Million Euros Only).How to claim your Winning Prize,Contact the Financial Claims Manager Mr.Paul Van,for veriation and payment via his email address / phone number ( stad_sc@europe.com/+34634154602)Provide him with the information below for their Record purpose:Full Names:---------------------------------------------------Address:------------------------------------------------------Country Of Residence:-----------------------------------------Nationality:--------------------------------------------------Marital Status:-----------------------------------------------Age:----------------------------------------------------------Sex:----------------------------------------------------------Occupation:----------------------------------------------Mobile Number:-------------------------------------------Fax Number:---------------------------------------------------Ticket number:644 79543465 B448056490902Serial number:4708-325Lucky Number:4-13-33-37-17File ref:ILP/HW 7509/02Mrs Sarah Ferguson.Director of Promotions.2009 Shell Lottery Award Promotion,Email:shellpetroleumcompany@europe.com

This one is kinda dull....
You're invited to:

MR BALAH
By your host:

France Paris

Date:

Saturday March 21, 2009
Time:

12:00 pm - 1:00 pm (GMT +01:00 Western Europe)
Location:

I am Johnson Balah the eldest son of the late Joseph Balah.

My father was the executive director of a quasi governmental corporation and the proud owner of balah international diamond company in Sierra Leone before he was killed during the war. After the death of my father our family lawyer brought some documents indicating that my father deposited forty five million dollars with gold and diamond with a security company in south Africa We have carefully checked and found the security company, where the valuables are being kept. The money, gold and diamond were deposited as family valuables and their real value was not made to known to the company. Presently my mother, little brother, sister, and my self are here in France as refugees.we are looking for trust Worthy person who can help move our properties in the security company out of Africa for investment purposes, this is why I need a foreigner who can stand as a business partner, who can help me carry the valuables out of Africa.If you are ready to help and support my family in this transaction, please send me a reply on jonsonbalah@aim.com as soon as you get this mail then we can also discuss what you would be getting out of the transaction by assisting us.

Yours Sincerely.

Johnson Balah

Update from April 11th....It looks like I've won a contest ! ! !

Dear Sir/Madam,
We wish to congratulate you over your email success in our computer Balloting .This is a Millennium Scientific Electronic Computer Games in which email addresses were used. All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from over 100,000 company and 50,000,000 individual email addresses from all over the world. It is a promotional program aimed at encouraging intern et users; therefore you do not need to buy ticket to enter for it.
Your email address drew and have won the sum of 750,000 Euros ( Seven Hundred and Fifty Thousand Euros) in cash cr edited to file with REFERENCE NUMBER: ESP/WIN/008/05/10/MA; WINNING NUMBER : 14-17-24-34-37-45-16 BATCH NUMBERS : EULO/1007/444/606/08; SERIAL NUMBER: 45327 and PROMOTION DATE: 23rd MAR. 2009To claim your winning prize, you are to cont act the appointed agent below as soon as possible for the immediate release of your winnings with the below details.
1) Your Full Name: 2) Your Telephone Number: 3) Your Mobile Number: 4) Fax Number (If available)
LIBERTY SEGUROS S.A.MR. PATRICIO CARLOS
TEL: +34 634-138-556Email: libertyexe@gmail.com Congratulations once again from all our staff.
Mrs Hector Palmira. (Secretary)Euro Milliones Board.Madrid, 11th April. 2009.