Saturday, January 30, 2010

An Open Letter to all of my co-workers

This is a letter I sent out to all of my Jukt Micronics co-workers last week.

I have a new project: I'm going to take some time off work to publish a book.

I have the talent and the track record and I’m certain it will be a success. I'm asking each of Jukt Micronics' 500 employees to lend me $50. I will repay the entire amount ($25,000) in 10 years. Of course, it will be a zero-interest loan. And I will pay you back only if I sell my book. But if I sell nothing, you get nothing.

Some of you may try to refuse, not understanding that my project will create economic wealth. The publisher will earn a profit, I’ll buy a new laptop, hire a professional typist, buy plenty of paper, eat at restaurants near my house, and hire a contractor to add a decent office to my home. Add the income tax from all these jobs to the taxes generated by the sale of my book, and this will be a win/win/win for industry, government, and most of all, me.

Besides, our book industry must be competitive. I've read that many French authors who writes on the same subject as me receive subsidies from their government. It would be unjust and suicidal for our industry not to subsidize me, too. Our country won't be what it is today if we don't unite and protect working families who produce Free Market Rants.

You still refuse? You say you prefer to put your $50 in a safe investment, earning an eight-per-cent compounded annual return that will add up to $108 in 10 years, instead of your original $50 that I’m offering to give you back in ten years? You say it’s more important for you to keep this money for your daughter’s college tuition than to use it to further my career and stimulate the economy? I don’t get it.

But it doesn’t matter what you think. You have no choice. My good friends who are trying to stimulate the economy by "saving and creating jobs" are going to withold the money from your checks. If you refuse, they'll send you to jail. My friends in the Democratic and Republican Parties think it’s a good project, and so should you. After all, who are you to know what to do with your money? You're the one who didn't get us into this mess, not the people who did and who are now trying to get us out of it.

Thanks for your willingness to help,

The Whited Sepulchre

Shamelessly ripped off from a French letter to the editor of a Montreal newspaper. A coat of Whitening to Don Boudreaux for posting an English translation.


Dr Ralph said...

Lend you $50? I'll do you one better.

You write the book (which I will probably violently, though pleasantly, disagree with) and I will perform all of the page layout, mark up and graphic design to prepare it for publication. Based on past experience, this will take a considerable number of hours. I'm willing to do it at no charge, which - based on my billing rate (I used to do this professionally) is a contribution considerably in excess of $50, and probably closer to $5,000.

I await your manuscript. Please use a word-processor instead of scrawling it on the back of a grocery sack.

Re: your continuing man-crush on Dr. Donald Boudreaux. I find it interesting that his entire academic career (both as a student and teacher) has been spent at public (i.e. government-funded) institutions: Auburn, University of Virginia, Clemson and now George Mason.

No doubt being the clever individual he is, he's reconciled bashing public funding out of one side of his mouth, while suckling the teat of his employer, the state of Virginia, with the other.

Some day I hope to meet him in person and dispel the impression I've gotten from reading his blog that he's a pompous prig. No doubt over a few drinks he's quite a likable fellow. If I do, I'll be sure and get his autograph for you.

The Whited Sepulchre said...

Why should we limit ourselves to only spending $5,000 ???
Don't you know about the millions upon millions that are available, simply by knowing the right Senator or Rep ?
The point isn't to do this thing efficiently. The point isn't to produce something that people want. The point is that we should stimulate the economy. Create and save jobs. With OTHER peoples' money.
If you start doing this type of work for free, when there are so many Sheeple obviously willing to be fleeced, people are going to suspect your political loyalties.

re: Boudreaux.
Yes, I am on the shortlist to be the mother of his next child.

Dr Ralph said...

Oh -- you were Making A Point, not proposing to actually do something. Pity. I'd much rather read you than Dr. B.

BTW - contemplating any offspring of you and the other good Doctor is a sobering experience, indeed.

Dr Ralph said...

PS: my loyalties are to people, not ideologies, which makes me extremely dangerous.

The Whited Sepulchre said...

I think you may have just reached what we call "The Teachable Moment".

Anonymous said...

Excellent! Even if "Dr" Ralph (rraallpphh. . ) didn't get the point immediately, I did. And I think it it was well written. This should be spread everywhere. Hopefully, enough others will "get the point" that they'll bug/contact/irritate Congress enough to NOT pass the Second Stimulous Bill-of-goods.

B Woodman

Dr Ralph said...

I'd be a lot more persuaded about your teaching credentials if you hadn't been playing hooky during the eight years of the Bush administration. I don't recall word one from you or any of your cronies back then. Or was school just out for the summer?

If I didn't know better I'd say there was an elephant inside that teabag.

The Whited Sepulchre said...

Go to that little search field in the top left, and type in "Bush". Then, for additional amusement, put in "Republican". Then "Reagan".
But you do have a (minor) point. Our mutual friend Browncoat is so nauseated by our willingness to play footsie with the Tea Party Wing of the Perpetually Pissed Off, that he's not having much to do with us any longer.

Dr Ralph said...

The Browncoat Libertarian has always struck me as a man of integrity and rare intelligence.

Dr Ralph said...

At your suggestion I did a search on "Bush." The earliest post was dated a month after Obama was inaugurated. A little like how the Russians waited until we nuked Hiroshima before declaring war on Japan.

Better late than never, eh?

The Whited Sepulchre said...

Don't give up on me - I'm still combing the archives.