Saturday, April 3, 2010

Jesus tries to make a triumphal entry into Jerusalem. Without a permit.

For the last 6 months, I've been putting my theological training to work by re-examining our deeply flawed Bible translations.  Hit this link for a few examples
Since it is almost Easter, I thought I would translate part of the Gospel Of Mark, Chapter 11, where Jesus makes his triumphal entry into Jerusalem. 

1.  As they approached Jerusalem and came to Bethphage and Bethany at the Mount of Olives, Jesus sent two of his disciples,
2.  ....saying to them, "Go to the village ahead of you, and just as you enter it, you will find an ass and a colt tied there, which no one has ever ridden. Untie them and bring them here.

3.  If anyone asks you, 'Why are you doing this?' tell him, 'The Lord needs them and will send them back here shortly.' "
4.  They went and found an ass and a colt outside in the street, tied at a doorway. As they untied them,
5.  .....some people standing there asked, "What are you doing, untying those animals?"
6.  They answered as Jesus had told them to, and the people let them go.
7.  When they brought the colt to Jesus and threw their cloaks over it, he sat on it.
8.  Many people spread their cloaks on the road, while others spread branches they had cut in the fields.
9.  Those who went ahead and those who followed shouted, "Hosanna!" "Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!"

10.  "Blessed is the coming kingdom of our father David!" "Hosanna in the highest!"
11.  Jesus entered Jerusalem and went to the temple.
12.  And then the City Council Of Jerusalem approached him, asking, "Why, Lord, did you not apply for a parade permit?  Where was your protective Roman Legion, required to block traffic at major intersections, as per Caesar's statute CDH-30978?"
13.  Then the Lord answered him with a parable, saying "In a far country, there was a man who...."  but the Lord was interrupted by a woman afflicted with a demon.
14.  "Who do you think you are?" said the woman.  "A man of your weight riding that young colt !  You are a species-centric monster !  For you disregard the rights of animals, casting demons into herds of swine, and who knows what else."
15.  And the Lord began to answer her, saying "Away from me, vile spirit !  I shall name thee PETA, and upon this crock I shall build my...."
16.  But before he could continue, a small man approached Jesus, saying "Lord, Lord, did you prepare an environmental impact statement before allowing palm branches to be strewn about the streets of Jerusalem?" 
17.  And the city officials of Jerusalem turned Jesus over to the Romans, who forced the Lord to complete administrative paperwork and travel about the city for permits for the rest of his days.

18. And many years later, as he died, Jesus let forth a loud cry, saying "Father forgive them, even though they have no idea what they're doing."   

Pics came from here and here and here and here.


TarrantLibertyGuy said...

Not to mention the carbon footprint of the gas from the ass. No wonder they crufied him.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

hey my friend! its not because of that gas that they crucify him its because of you and me!! our sins he had to die for.<<<<<<<>>>> he can just flick his finger for a goldent carrige but he chose to ride a the ass to show that only the humble will enter the promised jerusalem....... god bless you.