Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Feds Spent $800,000 of Economic Stimulus on African Genital-Washing Program

Just when I think this administration can't get any weirder. 
We're now applying stimulus to African genitals. 
I don't know what we're trying to revive or grow.   
God, I'm so ashamed of commenting on this.  I just can't help myself....

( – The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), a division of the National Institutes of Health (NIH), spent $823,200 of economic stimulus funds in 2009 on a study by a UCLA research team to teach uncircumcised African men how to wash their genitals after having sex.

The first questions that comes to mind are these....If this project was carried out with stimulus funds, were these African men living in the United States when they received their "training"?  

Were the Genital Washers local unemployed folks who had been laid off at a factory in Bakersfield? 

Did the Professors Of Penile Purity then go out and spend their salaries in American neighborhoods, having put in a hard day at the classroom /washroom /restroom /whorehouse washbasin? 

Did this project produce a Keynesian "multiplier effect"? 

The genitalia-washing program is part of a larger $12-million UCLA study examining how to better encourage Africans to undergo voluntary HIV testing and counseling – however, only the penis-washing study received money from the 2009 economic stimulus law. The washing portion of the study is set to end in 2011.

Are the Africans required to post stimulus signage near the....cleanup site?  Does anyone know how long it took for someone to make a joke about the stimulus "package"? 

“NIH Announces the Availability of Recovery Act Funds for Competitive Revision Applications,” the grant abstract states. “We propose to evaluate the feasibility of a post-coital genital hygiene study among men unwilling to be circumcised in Orange Farm, South Africa.”

Imagine that you're sitting around a meeting room in Philadelphia in the early 1770's.  The Founders are all there.  They're discussing the proper role of government in the new nation.  How big should the government be?  How much money should the government spend?  Jefferson, Hamilton, John Jay - the entire brain trust is there in the room with you.  One faction wants a strong federal government while the other wants to give more power to the states.
You have an inspiration.  You raise your hand and the current chairman, Benjamin Franklin, recognizes you and allows you to speak. 

You step to the center of the room, clear your throat, and say "I propose to evaluate the feasibility of a post-coital genital hygiene study among men unwilling to be circumcised in Orange Farm, South Africa ! !"

But I digress....

Because AIDS researchers have been unsuccessful in convincing most adult African men to undergo circumcision, the UCLA study proposes to determine whether researchers can develop an after-sex genitalia-washing regimen that they can then convince uncircumcised African men to follow.

I propose that Barbra Streisand, Nancy Pelosi, Barbara Boxer and Michelle Obama get everyone's heads together to see if they "can develop an after-sex genitalia-washing regimen that they can convince uncircumcised African men to follow".  Preferably with hands-on experience. 

All honest work is honorable. 

“The aim of the proposed feasibility study is to evaluate the feasibility and acceptability of a post-coital male genital hygiene procedure, which participants will be asked to practice immediately post-coitus or at least 12 hours after,” reads the abstract.

Here's a Facebook message on the issue from a friend of mine.  I don't think she's going to volunteer for this stimulus program, regardless of the number of jobs created or saved:

OMG. There just aren't words. And DO NOT GET ME STARTED on the likelihood of men contracting HIV from women being so much less likely than the women from men, and what does this imply about the status/value of women in a place where rape is common place....oh hell, where did I put that soap box?! Some dumb ass probably sent it to Africa so some yay-hoo could be persuaded to wash his (censored slang term for the object of stimulus funding)....And I am NOT EVEN a feminist! I want my taxes back!
Entitled “Community-Based HIV VCT: South Africa,” the name of the broader umbrella project, the program plans to test how well received the penis-washing regimen is among South African men.

Like all other foolish government forays into education, it's going to depend on the quality of the teacher.  Years of experience, efficiency, thoroughness, etc. 
You can hit the link at the top to read the rest.  I'm out of double-entendres for the evening.
God, I'm so ashamed of writing this. 


Dr Ralph said...

...So, you're saying you prefer unwashed genitals?

Who am I to judge?

The Whited Sepulchre said...

No, I take a Free Market approach to the cleanliness of uncircumcised African genitals.

Dr Ralph said...

That is a pretty flaccid explanation for such stiff opposition.