Friday, September 12, 2008

Barack Obama is Michael Jackson. Sarah Palin is Prince.

Real Clear Politics has long been my favorite political editorial and blog aggregator. They bring in a good mix of Left, Right, and Center points of view, and they post any new polling info as soon as it's released.

This morning's offerings were centered around Obama "The First Rock Star" candidate getting knocked off his pedestal by Sarah Palin "The First Hockey Mom" V.P. candidate. She was in beauty pageants ! She can field dress a moose ! Pigs ! Lipstick ! A new bright and shiny object has entered our field of vision and with our current ADD symptoms, we can't help but look and be fascinated ! !

McCain is now leading Obama in the polls because of Sarah ! Sarah ! Sarah !!!!!!!

The first time I saw this happen, or at least the first time I saw it happen when I could understand it, was around 1982 or 83 when I was doing my student teaching at a middle school in the Mississippi Delta. I was also hearing about Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson, The Moonwalk, Michael Jackson, his videos, and Michael Jackson. Kids came to school dressed like Michael Jackson. Teachers cursed the name of Michael Jackson.

The hype machine had turned him into the greatest human who had ever lived. It went on and on.

And then came Prince. Prince Rogers Nelson of Minneapolis. "Tonight We're Gonna Party Like It's 1999." I forget the other songs, but they were good. It only took three days for a paradigm shift to occur at Margaret Wade Middle School in Cleveland Mississippi.

All of a sudden, Michael Jackson was this weird dude addicted to plastic surgery. No one could remember seeing him with a girlfriend for very long. There were serious hallway and lunchroom discussions about whether Prince could kick Michael Jackson's ass (like, in a wrestling arena, not just on the music charts.) It was sad.

One 8th grader summed up the situation for me. It's been 25 years, and I still remember it perfectly. She said "You don't get tired of Prince songs the way you get tired of Michael Jackson's songs."

I didn't point out to her that she'd been playing Michael Jackson non-stop and speaking his name without ceasing for the previous nine months. Heck, I like Bob Dylan's music, but if I were to listen to him, and only him, for nine months without a break? "Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits - Volume 3" might have a strange new appeal.

The uncommitted middle of America has gone to the McCain/Palin distraction in much the same way.

Now I'm waiting to see what stunt the Democrat wing of The Bipartisan Party (R, D,) creates to restore Obama's momentum. (Maybe Palin will screw up and change her name to a pseudo-Egyptian symbol that means "The Governor Formerly Known As Palin".)

The only one I can think of would be for tired old Joe Biden, who we've been listening to for 30 years, to resign. Obama could replace him with She Whose Name Is Not Spoken.

In the meantime, think of Obama as Michael Jackson and Sarah Palin as Prince. The analogy holds up well.

I just discovered something funny. I was going to find and post a Youtube video of Prince doing "1999". But Prince has had all of his videos removed from Youtube. Could it be that he understands the dangers of overexposure? There's something to be said for the old show biz adage "Leave 'em wanting more". Michael Jackson and maybe Barack Obama have failed to do just that.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Pray for the continued health of Kim John-Il

Kim Jong-Il, North Korean dictator, love child of Elvis Presley and Lyle Lovett, and star of one of my all time favorite movies "Team America - World Police".... may have achieved room temperature by now. We need to remember The Dear Leader and his family in our prayers.

Yes, it might be time to put a morgue tag on his toe. We just don't know. A secretive bunch, those North Koreans.

There was a big parade Tuesday, and Kim missed it. This is unusual, since the man does love to review his parades, and his absence was enough to start the rumors. No one in the west has any idea what will happen to North Korea if the rumors of The Dear Leader's dirt nap are true. The country has had no clear succession plan in place ever since Kim's son - Kim Jong Nam - recently disgraced the family name by trying to sneak into Japan with a forged passport.

It was the only way he was ever going to see Tokyo Disneyland.

(Some people think I make this stuff up. That really is what happened. I promise. He wanted to go to Disneyland.)

The larger reason for our prayerful concern involves the rest of the planet. Since splitting from Democratic/Capitalist South Korea sixty years ago, North Korea has dealt with continual famine and malnutrition. South Korea, of course, has embraced the Free Market and is now a major player in the world economy.

Check out this photograph showing South Korea and North Korea at night:

Look at the lights in South Korea, as compared to the blessings of darkness in their northern socialist neighbor. Can you believe the utter selfishness of South Korea? Do they have any idea what a carbon footprint like that is doing to our world temperatures ????

Almost all North Korean industry and manufacturing enterprises are owned and tightly controlled by the government of Kim Jong-Il. North Korea's low carbon footprint per citizen is rivaled only by that of certain African nations. Who knows what could happen to the North Korean economy if Kim really has joined Mao and Marx in the next plane of existence?

Therefore, I ask that you all pray for The Dear Leader's continued health. It's not just for North Korea. It's for the planet.

Pictures from here and here and here.

Don't you hate it when people won't follow the script?

Here's former Democratic Presidential wannabe (and borderline libertarian) Mike Gravel, answering questions on Sarah Palin, being a mayor, Troopergate, and....gasp....who should be blamed for the Iraq war. Gravel also flirted with the Libertarian nomination this year but couldn't get any traction.

This is from a left-wing radio outlet called Pacifica. The last two minutes of this interview are priceless. Priceless. Remember, Gravel represented the Democrats in the Senate for two terms.

Wouldn't the world be more interesting if all of our politicians could say what they really thought?

A Bob Barr/Mike Gravel Libertarian ticket might be doing better than the current Barr/Wayne Root offering. Oh well.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Lewis Gordon Pugh - unable to kayak to Santa's workshop

Around the beginning of the summer, an explorer named Lewis Gordon Pugh announced that he was going to paddle a kayak all the way to the North Pole. Pugh apparently believed that there would be little or no ice blocking his way.
The internet was jammed with posts about the Arctic being melted by September.
I made the offer of a $50 wager against anyone willing to put up $10 that this guy would have to turn around before reaching the North Pole. The great Dr. Ralph took me up on it.
Well, not only did the guy turn around before reaching Santa's workshop, the objective of the publicity stunt/journey changed. It began as a trip to the North Pole in a kayak to show that there wasn't any ice left. Unfortunately for Pugh, by the time the kayak left The Mother Ship it was obvious that the only way to get him and his kayak to the North Pole would be to hook them both to Balto the mighty sled dog and start saying "mush".
The purpose of the trip had to change, since it was obvious to everyone that there was a shitload of ice between Lewis Pugh and the North Pole.
Therefore, they turned it into something about posting the flags of every nation in the Arctic, to show how we all need the Arctic. Never mind that there wasn't room in the freakin' kayak for 192 flags, and the flags had to ride in the support boat. We're talking symbolism, not substance here.
Dr Ralph can drop an extra $10 in the offering plate at Broadway Baptist Church (all loose offerings go to the homeless), and we'll be even. (I'm tempted to ask him to contribute it to Sarah Palin, but he would probably implode. And if I were to lose a bet with him one day....I can't even think about it.)
Plus, Dr. Ralph only made the bet out of tribal loyalty.
In general, my gambling M.O. works like this: Find people who are illogically loyal to the home team, catch them in a weak moment, and make a statement against all that they consider holy. Then put it in the form of a wager. For instance, when dealing with a large gathering of Dallas Cowboys fanatics, state that the Cowboys are ok this year, but not good enough to beat Cleveland by 21 points. They will crawl all over each other to disagree. Present a wager. Wait. Collect money.
So now that I've laid it out for everyone, let's try another Global Warming Climate Change wager....
I think that the idea that we cause Climate Change is totally nuts. It happens with us or without us. There used to be farms all over Greenland, but the climate went through a cyclical change and now that entire area is covered with ice and snow. SUV's had nothing to do with it.
We keep getting Chicken Little alarms that the sky is falling, the seas are rising, the poles are melting, and they're not going to stop until Gore gets enough government funding and subsidies to get his alternative energy start-ups off the ground. Then he's going to work on requiring us to purchase whatever snake oil he's selling.
The Spectator has an article stating that:
The Northwest Passage has been a focal point for both environmentalists and shipping companies for years. The sea route along the North American coast has been blocked for hundreds of years by a pack of Arctic ice. But through climate change the pack is melting away and the waters may soon be available for maritime use in 2009. This new route could chop thousands of nautical miles off journeys from Europe to Asia.
But the melting of the ice pack shows worrying trends in global warming. The ice pack blocking the route has reached its smallest size since records began. The pack’s disappearance has been exacerbated by its melting rate speeding up during its usual cooling season. The event serves as a prescient reminder to politicians that climate change is an ever burning issue – credit crunch or no credit crunch.
Thanks to Chris at Counting Cats for bringing this article to my attention.
Note the need for speed in the last sentence of the article. Gore ain't getting any younger, and wants your money now.
So do I. I'll bet $50 against your $10 that the Northwest Passage isn't clear enough for ships by 2009.
Any takers?