The Campaign Speech That I Will Never Get To Hear

Hello, and it’s great to be here at the University of Southern North Dakota !!

I’m Joe Blow, and I'm here today to tell you about my plan for America. 

We’re doing poorly because we’re making bad decisions.  We’re relying on government for help, for stimulus, and to create jobs. 

Government is horrible at all three of those things.  If you think the last 100 years aren't proof, then you haven't been paying attention.   

So why do we continue asking the government to intervene?  In my opinion, it’s because voters don’t want someone with a proven record of helping others, growing a business, or creating jobs making things that people really need.  They want someone who can empathize with them, and the more dysfunction in his background, the better. 

In fact, a solid record of wealth creation is now considered a resume stain. 

I’m running a different campaign.  I know how to make money and create prosperity for myself and for my customers.  I take raw materials, add value to them, create a desire for these new products that never existed before, and people love them.  They love them more than they money they’ve worked so hard for. 

I’m really, really good at doing this. 

My parents knew that if they stayed married, I would have a better chance of getting through college and being successful in my career. 

They knew that if they avoided alcohol and drugs, there would be a better chance for my success. 

They taught me to work for everything I received. 

They taught me that charity begins at home, not at the ballot box. 

My opponents want you to believe that because they once spent time in a trailer park, were single parents, had alcoholic parents, or were on welfare, they can feel your pain.  They believe that Victimhood is next to Sainthood. 

I disagree. 

I know which behaviors work, and which behaviors lead to failure.  We’re going to create a society that rewards the good behaviors even more, and refuses to subsidize poor decisions. 

This won’t be easy.  There is a cult of dependency, in which more and more of our children are raised by a single mother, and with Barack Obama as the stand-in for a father. 

So I’m not going to say I feel your pain.  I’m going to tell you about working 90 hours a week to create something.  I’m not going to create programs “for the children”.  I’m just going to stop dumping debt on them.  I’m not going to eliminate inequality.  In fact, I’m going to try to create even more of it, since rising tides raise every boat in the harbor. 

In short, I’m not a victim, never have been, and I don’t intend to be. 

All of those bad things that my opponents have been doing for the past 50 years to create more and more victims?  If elected, I will do none of those things. 

I’m candidate Joe Blow, I’m running for Texas House District 323, and I appreciate your support.