Karl Rove, You Magnificent Bastard !!

For legal, personal, ethical, campaign finance, and ridicule-protection reasons, most 2016 presidential candidates are not yet saying that they are a 2016 presidential candidate. 

But political operatives are already producing attack videos cleverly designed to hurt the other side. 

The actor in this video is a guy named Jason Tobias.  Nobody knows who really did the singing, but it wasn't Tobias.  I don't know who had the idea to produce this thing.  I don't know who gathered the background shots.  Whoever did it was a genius. 

Republicans will be playing this thing at parties and rallies for decades.  Hell, I might start a Libertarian PAC to have it aired during the Super Bowl. 

She Whose Name Is Not Spoken will never, ever recover from this.  This is the dirtiest trick I've ever seen. 

Behold: The redneck, white trash, Ford F-150, bulldozer, soccer mom-country, flies on the baby, ticks on the dog, "Stand With Hillary" campaign video. 

 

But honey, God wants me to have these boots !!

Here's a storefront that is about two miles from my current office. 
If the police ever find stolen property in the place, the owners will find themselves in a theological minefield, right? 

Did God create Jimmy knowing that Jimmy would eventually steal those shirts and take them to God's Will Resale and swap them for cash? 

If I buy some stolen shirts from God's Will Resale, and then learn that they're stolen property, am I morally obligated to return them, even though God wanted me to have them? 

And why do bad things happen to good people? 

The mind recoils....

 

Fort Worth man goes on hunger strike to support Utah man starving to prevent gay marriage. Or something.

.
From the Action News Team at 4UTAH in Salt Lake City !!!

SALT LAKE CITY (ABC 4 Utah) – A Utah man is vowing to go without any food until the state stops allowing same sex marriages. He claims if Utah wants to protect traditional marriage, it has an option it’s not using, and he's fasting until it does it.

When same sex marriage became legal in Utah, people immediately reacted. Couples stormed county clerk buildings. State attorneys tried to stop it, and Trestin Meacham started fasting.

"I'm very disappointed," said Trestin Meacham, fasting to stop Utah same sex marriages.

For the past 12 days Meacham hasn't eaten anything. He's surviving solely on water and an occasional vitamin.

"You can start a blog and you can complain on social networks until you're blue in the face and nothing will happen but actions speak louder than words and I'm taking action," said Meacham.

Meacham tells Reporter Brian Carlson he's fasting to convince Utah to exercise the option of “nullification.” It's posted on Meacham's blog. According to his interpretation of states’ rights, Utah can nullify the recent federal court ruling by simply choosing not to follow it.

From the Action News Team at 4COWTOWN in Fort Worth !!!

FORT WORTH, TEXAS (ABC 4 Cowtown) – A Texas man is vowing to go without any food until Tristan Meacham of Salt Lake City dies from hunger. He claims that Texas wants to protect non-eating rights, it has a states' rights option it’s not using, and he's fasting until it does it.

When starvation for political causes became legal in Texas, people immediately reacted. Unknown political hacks and publicity-seekers burned and vandalized county food banks, just to see if they could get on the news. State attorneys tried to stop it, and The Whited Sepulchre, an obscure Texas Libertarian blogger started fasting.

"I'm very disappointed," said Mr. Sepulchre, who is now fasting to support Mr. Meacham's right to starve himself over something that really is none of Meacham's freakin' business.  "I'm doing this to protect Trestin Meacham's right to die." 

For the past 12 days Whited hasn't eaten anything. He's surviving solely on shots of Kentucky Deluxe bourbon.  He also claims that he sometimes gets thirsty enough to actually drink water. 

"You can start a blog and you can complain on social networks until you're blue in the face and nothing will happen but actions speak louder than words and I'm taking action," said The Whited One. "I really want to see Trestin Meacham starve for what should be nothing more than a lifestyle choice." 

Whited tells Reporter Brian Carlson he's fasting to convince Texas to exercise the option of “nullification.” It's posted on The Whited Sepulchre's blog. According to his interpretation of states’ rights, Texas can nullify the recent federal court ruling on force-feeding by simply choosing not to follow it.

"If Trestin Meacham wants to die to prevent gay marriage and Utah illegally tries to force-feed him, I believe that Fort Worth should become Trestin's sanctuary city, take him in, and allow him to die in the comfort and security he deserves." 

 

ObamaCare in two charts

Here's your first chart, explaining how much your premiums will likely rise.  It was put together by the Society of Actuaries.  (You can go here to read what the sent to the Wall Street Journal editors about our upcoming healthcare debacle.  Good stuff.) 

Here's the 2nd chart, explaining WHY your premiums are likely to rise.  It was put together by some Republican Congressman's staff.  And I bet they had a great time doing it. 

I hope these help.  Don't get sick. 

Joe Biden Said This - Hard Wood Edition

Go here. 
He's a heartbeat away from the presidency, BTW. 

A C Minor Chord Walks Into A Bar....

Some knowledge of music theory is required on this one....

C, E-flat, and G go into a bar.
 
The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors."
 
So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them.
 
After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes in and heads for the bathroom, saying, "Excuse me; I'll just be a second."
 
Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.
 
Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
 
E-flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "You're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development." S
 
Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural.
 
Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest.
 
C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional facility

Was Cash For Clunkers A Clunker?

Was Cash For Clunkers A Clunker?

That's the question that Ezra Klein of The Washington Post asks if you go here. 

To even ask that question is to answer it. 

Yes, the program was a clunker.  It was a clunker of such magnitude that to even ask the question is to answer it.  If you're pay more for something than it is worth, or to expedite or reward a lopsided trade of that type, then you are participating in Clunkerite behavior. 

Good Lord in heaven, this thing made me crazy back in the day.  Now even the Official Newsletter Of The Obama Vandalism Team is almost admitting that the program was dumber than a box of rocks.  Here's Klein:

For one thing, the fuel-economy requirements were fairly lax: A person could, in theory, trade in a Hummer that got 14 mpg and get a $3,500 voucher for a new 18-mpg SUV. What’s more, that slight gain in efficiency would be partially offset by the energy costs involved in manufacturing the new car. And on the economic front, critics argued, the program might just move up purchases that would’ve happened anyway — thereby providing little actual stimulus.

And that's exactly the type of thing that the smarter people among us did.
 
My employer, Jukt Micronics, participated in a similar Texas program for forklifts.  It was supposedly about lowering carbon emissions, but in reality it was about using up some of the Texas government's 2009 budget.  Hit this link.  The forklift giveaway was pure, undiluted, insane, government mandated greatness.  I can't thank you good taxpayers enough for giving me these forklifts , by the way.  Oh, and we're letting these things idle all night so that the government inspectors will see that they're getting enough hours, which is the only way they can prove that I really needed them. 
Long story.  Hit the link.  I'm begging you. 
Go ahead.  Hit this link. 
You'll continue to vote for Democrat or Republican idiots unless you hit this link. 

But that's enough chatter about how I'm letting forklifts idle all night so the odometers will prove that I really did need the forklifts that you gave me so that I could help reduce carbon emissions.....Back to Ezra Klein at the WaPo:

So were the naysayers right? It seems so. A newly updated analysis from economists at Resources for the Future finds that the actual benefits of the program were pretty meager. The paper examined U.S. car sales using trends in Canada as a control group, and estimated that about 45 percent of cash-for-clunker vouchers went to consumers who would have bought new cars anyway. In the end, the program boosted U.S. vehicle sales by just 360,000 in July and August of 2009 and provided no stimulus thereafter. What’s more, the program increased average fuel economy in the United States by just 0.65 miles per gallon.

Ezra, you ignorant slut. 
The program was not about stimulus, or fuel economy.  I don't know why this is so hard to admit.   
The program was a political favor to Detroit which harmed most of the rest of us.  It annihilated the used car and used parts market.  Mission accomplished on that score. 

Now, there’s a case to be made that that’s better than nothing. For one, handing $3,500 vouchers to people who would’ve bought cars anyway still counts as stimulus. What’s more, as the RFF paper found, the program reduced overall U.S. carbon-dioxide emissions by between 9 million and 28.4 million tons. But even so, that implies that it cost between $91 and $288 per ton to get those reductions — a pretty lousy bargain as far as carbon policy goes. Even if the program did have some benefits, it’s hard to argue that it was an efficient way to dole out cash.

Oh for Christ's sake !!!   It doesn't count as "stimulus".  Ezra, if I take money from you and give it to a forklift manufacturer, it doesn't stimulate anything but my do-gooder credentials.  You won't get to spend the money the way you wanted to, and the forklift manufacturer gets to spend it the way he wants to.  Net gain: Zero. 

And chances are, the manufacturer is going to spend some of it on campaign contributions for the person who took away your money, you idiot.  

Here's one of my least favorite videos of all time. 

Yes, Joe Biden said that

From the comedic greatness of Vice President Joe Biden:

In which Jesse Jackson Jr. proposes a constitutional right to an Ipod and a laptop

Here's noted manufactuer and constitutional law expert Jesse Jackson Jr., proposing a constitutional amendment to give every ghetto kid a "right" to an Ipod and a laptop.  Imagine if someone had proposed similar sentiments 30 years ago.

"Every ghetto kid should have a constitutional right to... an 8-track tape player !  And then a Sony Walkman !  And then a Betamax ! And every child in these United States should have a constitutional right to a TRS-80 !!! No, wait, a Commodore 360 !!

And if you take the time to watch the video, he really does frame all of this lunacy in terms of creating jobs.

We are slowly, slowly losing our minds.
 

Feds Spent $800,000 of Economic Stimulus on African Genital-Washing Program

Just when I think this administration can't get any weirder. 
We're now applying stimulus to African genitals. 
I don't know what we're trying to revive or grow.   
God, I'm so ashamed of commenting on this.  I just can't help myself....

(CNSNews.com) – The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), a division of the National Institutes of Health (NIH), spent $823,200 of economic stimulus funds in 2009 on a study by a UCLA research team to teach uncircumcised African men how to wash their genitals after having sex.

The first questions that comes to mind are these....If this project was carried out with stimulus funds, were these African men living in the United States when they received their "training"?  

Were the Genital Washers local unemployed folks who had been laid off at a factory in Bakersfield? 

Did the Professors Of Penile Purity then go out and spend their salaries in American neighborhoods, having put in a hard day at the classroom /washroom /restroom /whorehouse washbasin? 

Did this project produce a Keynesian "multiplier effect"? 

The genitalia-washing program is part of a larger $12-million UCLA study examining how to better encourage Africans to undergo voluntary HIV testing and counseling – however, only the penis-washing study received money from the 2009 economic stimulus law. The washing portion of the study is set to end in 2011.

Are the Africans required to post stimulus signage near the....cleanup site?  Does anyone know how long it took for someone to make a joke about the stimulus "package"? 

“NIH Announces the Availability of Recovery Act Funds for Competitive Revision Applications,” the grant abstract states. “We propose to evaluate the feasibility of a post-coital genital hygiene study among men unwilling to be circumcised in Orange Farm, South Africa.”

Imagine that you're sitting around a meeting room in Philadelphia in the early 1770's.  The Founders are all there.  They're discussing the proper role of government in the new nation.  How big should the government be?  How much money should the government spend?  Jefferson, Hamilton, John Jay - the entire brain trust is there in the room with you.  One faction wants a strong federal government while the other wants to give more power to the states.
 
You have an inspiration.  You raise your hand and the current chairman, Benjamin Franklin, recognizes you and allows you to speak. 

You step to the center of the room, clear your throat, and say "I propose to evaluate the feasibility of a post-coital genital hygiene study among men unwilling to be circumcised in Orange Farm, South Africa ! !"

But I digress....

Because AIDS researchers have been unsuccessful in convincing most adult African men to undergo circumcision, the UCLA study proposes to determine whether researchers can develop an after-sex genitalia-washing regimen that they can then convince uncircumcised African men to follow.

I propose that Barbra Streisand, Nancy Pelosi, Barbara Boxer and Michelle Obama get everyone's heads together to see if they "can develop an after-sex genitalia-washing regimen that they can convince uncircumcised African men to follow".  Preferably with hands-on experience. 

All honest work is honorable. 

“The aim of the proposed feasibility study is to evaluate the feasibility and acceptability of a post-coital male genital hygiene procedure, which participants will be asked to practice immediately post-coitus or at least 12 hours after,” reads the abstract.

Here's a Facebook message on the issue from a friend of mine.  I don't think she's going to volunteer for this stimulus program, regardless of the number of jobs created or saved:

OMG. There just aren't words. And DO NOT GET ME STARTED on the likelihood of men contracting HIV from women being so much less likely than the women from men, and what does this imply about the status/value of women in a place where rape is common place....oh hell, where did I put that soap box?! Some dumb ass probably sent it to Africa so some yay-hoo could be persuaded to wash his (censored slang term for the object of stimulus funding)....And I am NOT EVEN a feminist! I want my taxes back!

Entitled “Community-Based HIV VCT: South Africa,” the name of the broader umbrella project, the program plans to test how well received the penis-washing regimen is among South African men.

Like all other foolish government forays into education, it's going to depend on the quality of the teacher.  Years of experience, efficiency, thoroughness, etc. 
You can hit the link at the top to read the rest.  I'm out of double-entendres for the evening.
God, I'm so ashamed of writing this. 

For those who haven't been screwed enough....

From The Huffington Post:

The Asia Adult Expo in China is offering anyone who's ever fantasized about making love in the Oval Office the next best thing, having unveiled an inflatable sex doll in Obama's likeness at the event last week.

....Just whom this doll will appeal to is anyone's guess. Is it for those who want to love Obama, or for those who want to hate him?

Ok, let's see what we can do with this....Gotta be at work in 30 minutes....

TOP 10 REASONS THAT INFLATABLE OBAMA IS BETTER THAN PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA !

1) The inflatable version doesn't make a mess of everything it touches
2) The Obama Doll can be discarded BEFORE four years are up
3) Inflatable Barry can be left alone in the house with your money
4) Unlike the real Barack, this one will never give you a Porkulus Package, Cash For Clunkers, Card Check, Cap'n'Tax, or anything else that is too much to...ummm....swallow 
5) No tiresome conversations about who drove the car into the ditch
6) No spills in your gulf - Guaranteed !!! 
7) None of inflatable Barry's pre-recorded phrases begin with "Let me be clear"
8) The Obama Doll produces less hot air and fewer greenhouse gases
9) Inflatable Barack can actually provide a stimulus
10) If something happens to your Obama sex doll, you aren't given the Joe Biden sex doll as a replacement