Tax Holiday? Hell No. We Need A Bill In The Mail, Every Month

Texas Congressman Louie Gohmert has proposed a two month tax holiday.
I'm generally in favor of anything that helps Starve The Beast, but I woke up this morning with a different worldview.
We don't need a tax holiday.
We need to start getting a bill in the mail every month, just like we do for electricity, water, trash removal, and credit cards. This one would be for Government.

The Nashville Business Journal has calculated the total bailout package at 8.5 trillion dollars. That's eight and a half trillion dollars, trying to prevent a generic recession. You might remember recessions. We've had ten or twelve of them in the last hundred years. They go away when we leave them alone. They linger when we have a Type-A, Proactive Messiah in The White House. Here's the NBJ:

Federal bailouts, equity buys into banks and investment houses, liquidity infusions by the U.S. Federal Reserve Bank, loan guarantees and economic stimulus checks now total $8.5 trillion, according to various estimates.

....The total includes the $700 billion bank and Wall Street bailout; federal takeovers of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac; individualized bailouts for Citigroup and American International Group; and various cash infusions into financial and lending markets. The $700 billion includes federal equity buys into Bank of America Corp., JP Morgan Chase & Co., Goldman Sachs Group Inc. and other financial institutions.

It works out to $28,000 per U.S. citizen that we've either loaned or guaranteed. Got any kids? Got any retired parents? Know any homeless people, people on welfare, or people who just don't pay any taxes? Lump their 28K's together with your 28K, add it up, and give the worksheet to.... your children.

Encourage them to start working very, very hard. Help them develop a taste for Ramen Noodles and Spam. In the meantime, the current Generation Of Swine should have to start making feeble efforts to pay down the deficit every month. Would that alter some elections? Would that change some campaign rhetoric?

Check out the National Debt Clock to your right. They've only added a half trillion to the odometer in the last month or so. Nobody, and I mean Nobody, has any idea how much of this is debt, how much is merely a loan guarantee, and how much is just a friendly transfer of dollars from you to somebody at Goldman Sachs that Paulson knew when he worked there. Or that Rahm Emmanuel knew from Freddie Mac. Or that somebody just wandered in and asked for.

A team of Nuclear Physicists, Forensic Accountants, the cast of CSI, and Stephen Hawking couldn't properly calibrate that National Debt Clock.

So, how are we going to pay for all this? My online acquaintance, Kevin Colby, has posted this gem about Texas Congressman Louie Gohmert. Gohmert wants us to have a "tax holiday" in January and February....

One U.S. Congressman, Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX), is fighting to prevent more outrageous spending sprees by Washington with taxpayer dollars going to executive cronies.
With $350 billion of the $700 billion bailout still available to Paulson pending Congressional approval, a conservative Texas lawmaker is proposing to put that money towards a tax holiday from both personal income tax and FICA tax for Americans during January and February of 2009.
He stated, “By instating a temporary tax holiday, we could electrify the American economy and provide overwhelming relief to taxpayers, all for less than the cost of the current failed Paulson-Pelosi bailout system.”
“We need to give this money to the people who earned it. I am sick of Washington millionaires trying to decide which of their cronies should get the next wad of taxpayer money,” Rep. Louie Gohmert continued. “Think about how much you would have if you didn’t have any social security or income tax withheld from your pay check, or if you didn’t have to pay those taxes for January and February! Americans could take and invest their own money where they believe it should go - to paying down mortgages, buying a new car, making credit card payments. The economy would get relief where it is needed the most."

In ordinary circumstances, I believe that The Laffer Curve does apply. You can increase revenue by lowering taxes.
But we now have a higher calling. It's called "Throwing The Bastards Out".

We should do the exact opposite of what Louie Gohmert is proposing.

Every taxpayer should immediately receive a monthly bill in the mail for his or her share of this giveaway, plus the payback for all other spending, based on a 30-year payoff plan. If 98% of us voted for RepubliCrats, then we should immediately start paying for the consequences.

Employers shouldn't be burdened by having to withold it from paychecks. The current witholding rates aren't remotely enough to pay this piper. We need to experience the pain of holding the money in our chubby little hands, and then handing it over to someone who has a campaign donor in need.

The monthly statement should include a nice, condensed, line-item summary of what the spending is for, with no more than two pages of detail. Just list Goldman Sachs, Fannie/Freddie, Growing Democracy In Muslim Sandpiles, Farm Subsidies For Millionaires, Cooling The Earth, The Ford, Chrystler, and Chevy Lear Jets, etc etc etc.

I also propose that it arrive in a black envelope, stamped with a white Skull and Crossbones, but that shouldn't be a dealbreaker. A plain white envelope sanctified with Ben Bernanke's blood would do nicely.

Chances are, your monthly bill will be for more than you currently earn. That's ok. If the government can operate at a deficit, I'm sure you can figure out a way to do the same.

Tax witholding, tax holidays, and the transfer of responsibility to future generations: these have us in a dream world where we can still pretend like everything is just peachy.

But hear that flute off in the distance, the annoying music that seems to be getting louder and louder? That's the piper, and he WILL be paid.


Poster from The Lazy Slacker, who owes me a bailout, should I ever need one.

A Translation From The Original English, Part 2

In the Comment Field of the previous post, someone CLAIMING to be NickM has signed on and offered some faint praise, but also tried to make some corrections to the original text.

My children, we must hold everyone to a high standard of proof.

1) How do we know that this person really is NickM ? How do we know that he isn't some devious representative of The Flying Spaghetti Monster?
2) If we weren't supposed to have the original text, the text that has worked so well for us for so long, then why were we given the original text to begin with?
3) Doesn't it make sense that God would want us to have the original text?
4) What will happen to our standards, our values, our core beliefs, if any Limey With A Laptop can sign on and cause us to question our worldview?

Like Mr. Khoja's Koran, our sacred original text has given us comfort and guidance in times of trouble since.....early yesterday morning. We part from it at our own peril.

"(It) is no mere book, but is a living creature, with a power that conquers all that oppose it."
-Napoleon

UPDATE FROM 7:00 A.M., DECEMBER 3RD ! ! !
THE FALSE PROPHET IS DOING IT AGAIN !!! SEE THE COMMENT FIELD BELOW !!!!

"PAY NO ATTENTION TO THAT MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN"
-THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ

A Translation From The Original English

Chris and NickM from the Counting Cats blog are frequent commenters on this site.

I believe that the Counting Cats site should join Shakespeare, The King James Bible, and William Faulkner as one of the great monuments to the glory of the English language.

As I understand it, Chris lives in Australia and Nick is in England.

But for Texans, Mississippians and, well, people who don't usually listen to the BBC, Masterpiece Theater, Shakespeare, or even Monty Python, some of the Counting Cats vocabulary can be difficult. As in Shakespeare, The KJV, and Wild Willie Faulkner, the terminology can be a barrier to understanding.

As a service to the English speaking world, I am going to translate the difficult terms in one of NickM's posts from the beautiful (yet primitive) form of English used in the U.K. into the more advanced form used in Fort Worth, Texas. This is Nick's story of a Mr. Khoja, who is suing his employer. Please remember that standards for Political Correctness in England are not as evolved as they are in Cowtown. After all, England is in Europe. Fort Worth is in west Texas. Let's begin:

A Muslim chef is suing the Met because he is feels religiously discriminated against because he is expected to cook bacon and pork sausages for the dibbles’s breakfasts.

You mighta heard about the Muslims. They're now England's top dog church, and they're gonna control the U.K. courthouses if everybody else allows them to practice Sharia Law on British soil.
A "chef" is a fancy name for someone who cooks. Genuine working chefs can actually be seen at a few places over in Dallas.
"Religious Discrimination" is like the feeling experienced in Fort Worth by all non-Baptists. It's merely what they should expect.
Nick accidentally shows us how badly his Mama raised him when he says "pork sausage". (In many primitive cultures, they actually make sausage from something besides pigs. If I'm lyin', I'm dyin'.)
"The Met" is short for "Metropolitan Police Service".
The word "dibble" started off funny. According to The Urban Dictionary, a dibble is a "....Police officer, a name taken from the U.S. cartoon, Top Cat, where the local cop is called Officer Dibble. Used in Northwest England."

He is no ingenue.

This dude didn't just fall off a Tater Wagon on his way into town.

He’s a former senior catering manager at Hendon Police College and sixty years old.

A "senior catering manager" is somebody who rides herd on a lot of cooks. If he's done that job, and he's already older than God's dog, then Nick wants us to know that this particular Muslim chef has handled lots and lots of pork sausage on his ride up the trail to being the senior catering manager. He's handled bacon. And ham. And pig feet, pork rinds, and pork tenderloin, which is damn good with biscuits for breakfast. Chitlins might be too much, though.

NickM usually does a lot of bellyachin' about government waste, and he's missing a chance to ask "What the hell does Hendon Police College need with a senior catering manager?". None of my business. It's Nick's website.

You’d a thunk by now he would have come across that phenomenon called the “full English Breakfast” by now.

"You'd a thunk" is prob'ly an American saying, since I understood it without looking it up. This is a subject for further research.

Here's some Wikipedia, talking about a "Full English Breakfast": The normal ingredients of a traditional full English breakfast are: bacon, eggs, fried or grilled tomatoes, fried mushrooms, fried bread or toast, and sausages, usually served with a cup of tea. Black pudding is added in some regions as well as fried leftover mashed potatoes. Originally a way to use up leftover vegetables from the main of the day before, bubble and squeak, shallow-fried leftover vegetables with potato, has become a breakfast feature in its own right. Baked beans and hash browns are modern additions that have crept into many recipes.

After all that, if you're curious, you can hit on this next link and read about Gout in Britain.

I don’t know if Khoja is involved in the all too common now legal jihad or if he is merely fancying retirement and wants a nice little nest-egg and his solicitor told him he could make a packet out of it.

The British folks say "his solicitor" instead of "his g**damn Lawyer". A "packet" is a small parcel, in this case, one that contains money. Therefore, Nick isn't sure if Mr. Khoja 1) wants to make a religious statement by raising hell and rolling a stump under it, or 2) just wants to make a whole lot of money by suing the government.

I was prepared to consider the latter - a chancer on the make - the most likely until I saw this…

A Chancer, says WordWeb Online, is "Someone who risks loss or injury in the in the hope of gain or excitement" (we've all been there, ain't we?) or "A person who places expediency above principle".

I bet that last one nailed it.

Nick quotes from the article he saw in The Daily Mail.....

Britain’s most senior Muslim officer, Assistant Commissioner Tarique Ghaffur, has accused the force of racial discrimination and the National Black Police Association has urged people from ethnic minorities not to join.

Mr Khoja was originally represented by Dr Shahrokh Mireskandari, the controversial lawyer at the centre of the race war, but changed solicitors in August.

His current lawyer Khalid Sofi said there was an ‘important issue of principle at stake in Mr Khoja’s case’.

‘He has genuine and strong religious beliefs and expects that they will be accommodated,’ he added.

The Daily Mail has probably got way more readers than The Fort Worth Star-Telegram, but they can't even spell the word "center". Lordy, what a country.
Now we're back to Nick's opinions, with no more interruptions from The Daily Mail.

Can we for the fifteenth billion time state that religion does not equal race?

In the U.S., we'd say "fifteen billionth time", but you probably got his point. Why is the National Black Policeman's Association getting riled up over a church problem? Are races and religions really one and the same? Doesn't your religion depend on thinking and reasoning things out all by yourself? Or are you just born into it? Hmmmm..... Awww, never mind.

I just wish all the Muslims and Jews over there could just sit down and settle their differences like Christians.

For the love of God / Allah / Jehovah / the Flying Spaghetti Monster....

1) God: the only God, the one that created heaven and earth in six days, the Supreme Being worshipped by Fort Worth Baptists.
2) Allah: the Arab mis-pronunciation of the word "God".
3) Jehovah: another name for God, invented by William Tyndale as a way to pronounce the Hebrew YHWH, which didn't have any vowels.
4) The Flying Spaghetti Monster: a critter in another religion, somewhere between Catholic and Cooking, where heaven and earth was both made by The FSM using "his noodly appendage".

....For the love of God, please leave that canard (a lie) keyed-up and on it’s rims on the hard shoulder. (I ain't 100% sure, but I think it means "strip the tires off of it and leave it on the side of the road with the motor running.)

Please. Pretty please. And quite what the NBPA is doing by telling ethnic minorities not to join the fuzz (Police) is utterly beyond me.

That is beyond parody. (He can't even make fun of it. He's been around the world 8 times and to 3 Messican funerals, and he's still ain't seen anything like it.)

I am gob-smacked. (Bewildered. "Everlasting Gobsmackers" is the candy in "Charlie And The Chocolate Factory" - a big book without any pictures by Roald Dahl.)

I am truly discombobulated. (Confused as a goat on astroturf.)

I mean you’ve got a bunch of folk of colour (that's a lot better than the politically incorrect term "colored people", isn't it?) who are coppers (police) telling other folk of colour not to bother joining because… What, you might only rise to Assistant Comissioner!


Bloody hell, (Hell's Bells) that pays a heck of a lot more sponds (Greenbacks. A half breed of "pounds sterling") than I’m ever likely to see. Apart from that really shouldn’t the NBPA be trying to recruit more technicolour (minority) officers? I mean, really, such an organisation shouldn’t even exist (this is the truth folks - the UK is one of the least racist societies on the planet - I know that fact must cut wannabee Malcolm Xs to the quick but a fact it remains) but given that it does exist one would have thought that’s it’s primary justification would be to recruit more, not fewer, officers of African and Asian descent.

But then I’m reet naive me. (The Urban Dictionary has 3 meanings of "reet", and the English scholars and experts gathered around my laptop cain't agree about the right one. I don't know Nick well enough to say, since we've howdy'd, but we ain't shook yet.)

Of course that isn’t it’s role. Because ya see if it ever did achieve it’s alleged goal then that’s the point at which the gravy train (the easy money) hits the buffers (ends) and it’s passengers (the Professional Victims) have to find a proper way to make a living.

Instead, why not discourage blacks and Asians from joining the force so you can bitch (bitch) about the situation ad infinitum (a long, long, long time).

Oh, and go for quotas for promotion at the same time. Brilliant! You go for quotas and restrict the number of people elligible then you do a number for your own progress up the greasy pole. (Nick says everybody who whines about cooking pork should just be part of a set-aside. Go ahead and have the government separate the sheep from the goats. To "progress up the greasy pole" means to move further up the feed trough. Make up a quota for that too.)

Yes, I know that’s a political term but any bugger (fudge-packer) who believes that any police position above sergeant in the UK isn’t intrinsically a political one is utterly deluded (loco). Hell, Bob Peel is doing a triple salko in the grave....(Ok, this gets complicated. Robert Peel is who thought up the police force. A triple salko is a spinning move in gymnastics and ice skating. So Nick is saying that the father of the modern police force is turning over in his grave because muslim cooks don't want to cook pigs.)

Sam Vimes is back on the sauce (despite the best efforts of Lady Vimes and indeed Nobby Nobbs and Fred Colon) over it. (Sam Vimes is a policeman in some science fiction books. To go "back on the sauce" means, in Baptist terms, to succumb to the temptations of Demon Rum. Nick is saying that a made-up policeman has fallen off the wagon because muslim cooks don't want to cook pigs.)

This utterly stinks. (This is a bunch of horsecrap.) I shall leave you with two addendums to this rant. (Nick wants to make two more points and tell a deathbed conversion story, then he's going to end the sermon and pass the collection plate.)

1) The man claims to be a truly observant Muslim. (Mr. Khoja claims to practice what he preaches.) Judging by the piccy (pictures in the newspaper) he isn’t observing the sunna (Muslim Bible verses) about not shaving his beard. (Mr. Khoja shaves his face.) If he can pick and choose then so can his employers.

2) Tolerance is a two way street. My wife is a vegetarian. (Vegetarians are people who don't eat meat. Yes, they exist. By choice !!!!)

She was once even a vegan (she went through another stage where she wouldn't even wear leather. But then she got cured.)

....and I thought she was from Derbyshire - boom, boom! (this is a very bad Nick joke. Some scholars think it was thrown in here by someone else.)

....but she’s happy to handle meat. Hell, a few years back I did a swallow dive down the stairs (5.9 for artistic expression) and broke both wrists. (See the comments about a "Triple Salko") She was perfectly happy to cook me a steak at the time. She thinks eating meat is wrong.

She has a moral objection to killing animals (I once heard that there was a person in Dallas who felt this way) but her biggest concern was messing it up because she wasn’t 100% sure what she was doing. (I know, I know....you're wondering why he married her if she couldn't cook a steak. But these are British people. They're a different breed of cat.)

My wife has a logical, sensible (I was once almost a vegetarian myself) reason for objecting to all meat. She is also an atheist. (Atheist: Somebody who doesn't believe that God didn't create animals for her to not eat. Or someone who does believe that God didn't create animals for her to eat. Or someone who doesn't believe that God did create animals for her to not eat. It gets complicated.)

Why does that count for less than the opinion of a follower of a depraved C7th Bedouin (7th Century nomad) on one sort of meat? Well why? The fact that my wife was born in 1979 and Muhammed died in 632 doesn’t cut it. (It makes no sense. It don't add up.) Neither does the fact that Big Mo (Muhammed, the Muslim Jesus) has umpty million followers (lots of deluded victims). Why do we give religions such scope beyond what we allow the un-religious? I mean, at the end of the day, it’s all just opinion, right?

*********************
Like many of our beliefs about eating meat, pig cooking, the validity of Muhammed and God and Jehovah and The Flying Spaghetti Monster, this translation is all an opinion. I think my translation is accurate, others might not.

Someone claiming to be NickM, or claiming to speak for NickM, might eventually sign on and take issue with my interpretation of NickM's words. I'm going to require a very high level of proof before I believe that it's really NickM speaking, though.

I've become very, very loyal to this translation.

Duckburg Inflation

For the last couple of months I've been wandering around like the Ancient Mariner, telling this same tale to any Wedding Guest who would listen.
Nobody gets it.
This should help.
If anyone sees any difference in this Uncle Scrooge cartoon (featuring Huey, Dewey, and Louie) and our current Federal Reserve activity, please let me know.



HT to ReasonTV and Samizdata.

From The Mumbai Bloggers

Blue Bloggin', the left of center Texas site, has a collection of links to Mumbai bloggers.
Great, great stuff.

If you have limited time, go to India Uncut, Going Anon and Anon, and Jasmine And The Elephants Blog.

I've linked to whichever post they did immediately after the shooting started (it's eerie to look at the ones done immediately beforehand. You want to scream at them to GET OUT !)

Most of these folks are posting every 12 hours or so. We get to read it.

For better or worse, the world is getting much, much smaller.

The Richardson Snub

The Richardson Snub
by Ruben Navarrette


Check out this gold-plated resume: Seven-term member of Congress; special envoy to North Korea, Iraq, Cuba and Sudan; U.N. ambassador; energy secretary; governor; and five-time nominee for the Nobel Peace Prize.
You would think such an overachiever would be a shoe-in for secretary of state in the Barack Obama administration, especially if that person was also a member of a highly sought-after ethnic group that gave two-thirds of its votes to Obama and helped him win four battleground states. And what if that person also happened to be a former presidential candidate who had stuck his neck out to endorse Obama over Hillary Clinton and wound up persona non grata among Team Clinton and even likened to "Judas" by ever-loyal Clintonista James Carville?

Finally, what if that person had the backing of the National Hispanic Leadership Agenda, an association of 26 national and regional Hispanic civil rights and public policy organizations. The NHLA recently sent a letter to President-elect Obama recommending New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson as secretary of state. John Trasvina, the group's chairman who also serves as president and general counsel of the Mexican American Legal Defense and Educational Fund, wrote: "No one is more qualified to serve as our country's chief diplomat than Gov. Bill Richardson." Board member Janet Murguia, the president and CEO of the National Council of La Raza, added this about Richardson: "His appointment would send a powerful message to Latinos throughout our country as well as to our neighbors in this hemisphere."

You can click the link above to read the rest of the article. It's greatness - a devastating indictment on the politics of choosing She Whose Name Is Not Spoken for Secretary of State, instead of Bill Richardson. (I took the opportunity to read some of Ruben Navarrette's other editorials. Here's his bio on the Washington Post Writer's Group Website.)

Groundhog Day - Over and Over and Over

People are making lots and lots and lots of comparisons between the Herbert Hoover/FDR handoff of the presidency to the current Bush/Obama handoff. One of mine can be found here.

Most Free Market/Small Government types are of the opinion that FDR did a whole lot to make things worse, and are afraid that Obama will do the same. (Note Rahm Emmanuel's recent comment that one should never fail to take advantage of a crisis, Geithner's desire to undertake bold new experiments, etc.)

George Will summed up my fears nicely in a Real Clear Politics editorial this morning. BTW, you don't have to scour the 'Net for the best Left, Right, Center, Overhead, and Underneath opinions if you look at RCP every morning.....They find them for you.

Here's George:

....The assumption is that the New Deal vanquished the Depression. Intelligent, informed people differ about why the Depression lasted so long. But people whose recipe for recovery today is another New Deal should remember that America's biggest industrial collapse occurred in 1937, eight years after the 1929 stock market crash and nearly five years into the New Deal. In 1939, after a decade of frantic federal spending -- President Herbert Hoover increased it more than 50 percent between 1929 and the inauguration of Franklin Roosevelt -- unemployment was 17.2 percent.

Here's more George:

"I say after eight years of this administration we have just as much unemployment as when we started," lamented Henry Morgenthau, FDR's Treasury secretary. Unemployment declined when America began selling materials to nations engaged in a war America would soon join.

If I haven't convinced you to just hit the link and read the whole thing yet, here's another spoonful of George:

Furthermore, Hoover's 1932 increase in the top income tax rate, from 25 percent to 63 percent, was unhelpful. And FDR's hyperkinetic New Deal created uncertainties that paralyzed private-sector decision-making. Which sounds familiar.

WTF? I mean, WTF? Isn't it supposed to help everything when you raise taxes on the rich? It doesn't change their behavior, does it? It doesn't slow down their productivity and willingness to invest?

Bear Stearns? Broker a merger. Lehman Brothers? Death sentence. The $700 billion is for cleaning up toxic assets? Maybe not. Writes Russell Roberts of George Mason University:
"By acting without rhyme or reason, politicians have destroyed the rules of the game. There is no reason to invest, no reason to take risk, no reason to be prudent, no reason to look for buyers if your firm is failing. Everything is up in the air and as a result, the only prudent policy is to wait and see what the government will do next. The frenetic efforts of FDR had the same impact: Net investment was negative through much of the 1930s."

That link for Russell Roberts goes to the "Cafe Hayek" blog, where Roberts and his colleague at George Mason U dispense indispensable wisdom daily. Cafe Hayek has been blogrolled on this site since Day 1. There's simply no good reason for people who can read in English not to look at Cafe Hayek once a week.

Here's the last of George:

Obama's "rescue plan for the middle class" includes a tax credit for businesses "for each new employee they hire" in America over the next two years. The assumption is that businesses will create jobs that would not have been created without the subsidy. If so, the subsidy will suffuse the economy with inefficiencies -- labor costs not justified by value added.
Here we go again? A new New Deal would vindicate pessimists who say that history is not one damn thing after another, it is the same damn thing over and over.

It probably is the same damn thing over and over. When the economy got really bad in the 1930's, our government came up with infamous Smoot-Hawley tariff. It raised taxes on imports to ridiculous levels, in order to Perteckt Amurrican Jobs. The unintended consequences? It shut down growth everywhere for about 10 years. (Regarding the unfortunate Mr. Smoot and Mr. Hawley, here's a video of the coolest thing Al Gore ever did....)

So here's my prediction. We don't learn from the past. We're throwing huge amounts of our kids and grandkids' money at this problem. (The problem: investors have lost money at the Wall Street Blackjack table, and wish to be made whole again.) So far, that hasn't worked. The next thing we're going to do is shut down NAFTA and other Free Trade agreements. Then we're going to put prohibitive tariffs into place.

I think we've seen this movie before.

John Shelby Spong and The Invention Of Hell

Here's my all-time favorite theologian, the retired episcopal bishop of Newark, NJ, speaking on "Hell as an invention of the church".



If this video makes sense to you, or if you want to learn more, or if you feel that the faith of your childhood was just a bit oversold ? Or if you want to get down to what Jesus probably taught, before Paul, the church, and anyone who felt like writing a Gospel got hold of his Jesus' life story? John Spong is your man.
We're going to be discussing Bishop Spong's book "Why Christianity Much Change Or Die" starting January 4th, 2009, Sunday mornings at 9:30, room 306, Broadway Baptist Church, 305 West Broadway, Fort Worth, TX.

Mumbai Photographer - I only wish I had a gun rather than a camera

Here's an interview in the Belfast Telegraph with the photographer who took the pic of one of the Mumbai gunmen in the now-famous picture below.....

Sebastian D'Souza, a picture editor at the Mumbai Mirror, whose offices are just opposite the city's Chhatrapati Shivaji station, heard the gunfire erupt and ran towards the terminus. "I ran into the first carriage of one of the trains on the platform to try and get a shot but couldn't get a good angle, so I moved to the second carriage and waited for the gunmen to walk by," he said. "They were shooting from waist height and fired at anything that moved. I briefly had time to take a couple of frames using a telephoto lens. I think they saw me taking photographs but they didn't seem to care."

The gunmen were terrifyingly professional, making sure at least one of them was able to fire their rifle while the other reloaded. By the time he managed to capture the killer on camera, Mr D'Souza had already seen two gunmen calmly stroll across the station concourse shooting both civilians and policemen, many of whom, he said, were armed but did not fire back.

...."There were armed policemen hiding all around the station but none of them did anything," he said. "At one point, I ran up to them and told them to use their weapons. I said, 'Shoot them, they're sitting ducks!' but they just didn't shoot back."

....Mr D'Souza added: "I told some policemen the gunmen had moved towards the rear of the station but they refused to follow them. What is the point if having policemen with guns if they refuse to use them? I only wish I had a gun rather than a camera."

No other commentary on my part seems necessary, does it?

For a brief history of gun control in India, click here.

The same blogger has posted something called "The Parable Of The Sheep".

Picture of Mumbai gunman came from here.

Happy Thanksgiving, Part 2

The Stainless Steel device in the background is a Turkey Decapitator. It also allows excess blood to drain out of the bird.
Once again, Happy Thanksgiving !

We the Sheeple of The United States....

I've got a question for you, but first let me rule out the answers I'm not looking for, and why....

Let's rule out The Roman Empire, which required its satellite nations to pay heavy taxes to support the various Caesars, the Roman army, and building projects. The satellite nations generally didn't have a voice in the Roman government.

Let's rule out the various Communist regimes of the past century, and the North Koreas and Cubas which claim to carry the Marxist dream into this century. Those unfortunate people didn't have a choice about the actions of their government either.

I also propose an exemption for the various Imperialist structures of the 1500's to the present. When Great Britain, for instance, ran India and Hong Kong, the subjects of their Commonwealth didn't get to vote on the activities of their government.

I think that covers the broad, general exceptions.....now, the question.

Can anyone think of a time when the citizens of any country voluntarily allowed their government to take this much from the poor to prop up the rich?

Let me define rich: AIG, The Big 3, The members of the United Auto Workers Union, Wall Street, assorted banks and bankers, and possibly American Express.

Is everyone too busy watching Dancing With The Stars to care? Are the struggles of The Dallas Cowboys to clinch a playoff berth too much of a distraction? Is Ron Paul not photogenic enough to get our attention?

Or is it because we don't get a bill for these expenses in our mailbox every month, and these charges are all being put on our grandkids' Bar Tab? My God, this is sickening.


Are we now a nation of sheep?

The picture of Sheeple Grazing In Their Pasture came from here.

Happy Thanksgiving !

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody !

Thomas Sowell On Obama's Plan To "Jolt" The Economy

Please stand for this month's reading from The Gospel According To Saint Thomas....

Economist Thomas Sowell, the smartest man in the world now that Milton Friedman is dead, has proclaimed that there is no need to go forth with President-elect Obama's plan to "jolt" the economy.

I seldom quote Saint Thomas directly, out of fear that I will be struck dead from on high for publishing a typo. I truly am not worthy of this task. But I'll try....

What we are talking about is a golden political opportunity for politicians to use the current financial crisis to fundamentally change an economy that has been successful for more than two centuries, so that politicians can henceforth micro-manage all sorts of businesses and play Robin Hood, taking from those who are not likely to vote for them and transferring part of their earnings to those who will vote for them.

Children, these are our memory verses for next Sunday morning. Please be prepared to recite them during Bible drill. Do you want more? Of course you do....

Whatever the merits of trying to shore up some financial institutions, in order to prevent a major disruption of the credit flows that keep the whole economy going, what has in fact been done has been to create a huge pot of money-- hundreds of billions of dollars-- that politicians can use to give out goodies hither and yon, to whomever they please for whatever reason they please.

And here's the most curious verse in the entire epistle that Saint Thomas has given us....

Much as we may deplore partisanship in Washington, bipartisan disasters are often twice as bad as partisan disasters-- and this is a bipartisan disaster in the making.

We don't deplore partisanship in Washington, do we? No. We love it. But Saint Thomas's ways are not our ways. We must trust him and his word, and rest assured that this is not a mistake in Holy Scripture.

There is no reason for our government to be transferring all this wealth from the poor to the rich. None whatsoever.

The man has spoken.

Thus endeth the reading from The Gospel According To Saint Thomas.

You may be seated.

The End Of Chicken Stacking In California

My Aggie daughter came home from College Station this past weekend, and she was outraged.

Unlike most large packs of academics, the A&M tribe seems to be somewhere off to the right of Barry Goldwater.

(A friend of mine sent me a press release today about A&M's Young Conservatives losing their faculty advisor....He was rumored to have an Obama sign in his yard. In the same link, check out the Young Conservatives' response to the "demonization" of the despicable William Ayers. The demonization of William Ayers, in my opinion, is like the demonization of Timothy McVeigh....just because the bastard failed to kill a couple of hundred people doesn't get him off the hook.)

Anyway, back to my point.... My Aggie's Animal Science professor had gotten the students worked up over California voters passing Proposition 2, a ballot initiative that regulates the minimum amount of space in which farm animals can be confined.

(Proposition 2 shouldn't be confused with Proposition 8. Proposition 8 is the California ballot initiative that regulates the type of marriage arrangements within which two people can be confined.)

Some obvious abuses have already been identified and partially eliminated in the cattle, swine, and of course the infamous veal calf industry. But my little Aggie was still angry, saying that the government had gone too far this time. She was under the impression that stackable A-frame chicken cages would be slowly outlawed in the course of a 5-year phase out.

Well, dang it, any professor who works Anti-Big Government rants into his VooDoo Arts Of Animal Healing lectures should have my full support. (She was bothered enough about it to demand that I go online and write something about governmental over-reach in California's stackable chicken industry.)

This is a PDF of the request for a ballot proposal.

Here's the Oakland Tribune.

Here's the L.A. Times.

Here's the San Francisco Chronicle.

And here's the always helpful Wikipedia, which claims that actress Alicia Silverstone supported the proposition. The L.A. Times and the San Francisco Chronicle opposed it. Alicia Silverstone, star of "Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed", prevailed in the voting.

Here's what the thing amounted to: Cattle were lumped into the same category as poulty, mostly for emotional reasons. (Voters don't give a rip about chickens.) But California doesn't have a significant Cattle industry. California, until election day, had a huge poultry/egg industry.

The passage of Proposition 2 basically ends the industry in that state. California's Chicken Stackers are going to relocate elsewhere in the next 5 years.

(I've tried for two minutes to think of a closing sentence with the phrase "flew the coop", but I've failed. Be grateful.)

Obama and FDR

Here are the unemployment figures from Franklin Delano Roosevelt's years in office. All numbers are from "Info Please". I have no idea why they only listed the even-numbered years, but this is enough for you to get the picture:

1932 - 23.6%
1934 - 21.7%
1936 - 16.9%
1938 - 19%
1940 - 14.6%
1942 - 4.7%
1944 - 1.2%

"The Day That Will Live In Infamy", when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor, was December 7, 1941. That got the country onto a wartime footing and virtually eliminated unemployment (along with many of FDR's economics experiments.) There were already a few signs of a recovery in the making by 12-7-41, but scattered experts are starting to question the wisdom of FDR's big government economic recovery plans.

FDR's New Deal took a generic recession and turned it into a prolonged depression.

One of the main reasons the recovery took so long? (Besides punitive tariffs that virtually shut down worldwide trade?) Nobody knew what sort of crazed recovery experiment FDR And His Band Of Merry Meddlers would throw at them next. Most people were afraid to invest in anything, for fear that the rules would change in the next "experiment".

Two UCLA economists have studied FDR's track record, and decided that FDR's New Deal experiments with the economy prolonged the Great Depression for 7 years.

Here's my favorite quote from the link above: "The fact that the Depression dragged on for years convinced generations of economists and policy-makers that capitalism could not be trusted to recover from depressions and that significant government intervention was required to achieve good outcomes," Cole said. "Ironically, our work shows that the recovery would have been very rapid had the government not intervened."

Here's a video of the Obamessiah, parachuting in from Chicago to announce his Economic Recovery team. Of particular note is Timothy F. Geithner, president and CEO of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, who will serve as Secretary of the Treasury.

Here's the Washington Post on Mr. Geithner: "Like (Hank) Paulson, Geithner believes that the Treasury should be given vast powers to develop experimental strategies for responding to the crisis and the flexibility to abandon them if they don't work.

May God have mercy on our souls. What's the next trick we're going to pull from the FDR playbook, punitive tariffs "to perteckt Amurrican jobs"????? (Well, yeah, The Obamessiah has already said that he plans to renegotiate NAFTA, and the Colombia Free Trade Agreement appears to be on life support. Please hit the Colombia Free Trade Agreement link. It's a good one.)

So, if you read the UCLA wisdom, do you think FDR's 7 years of Bold Experimentation ended the Great Depression? Or do you think it was the events of December 7, 1941?

Please remember....the Japanese are now our allies. We can't count on them to bail us out by bombing us this time.

What If They Had A Coup, And Nobody Came?

Someeone named Lee Stranahan recently wrote this essay for The Huffington Post.
The Italics are Mr. Stranahan's text. Everything else is an ill-advised rant on my part.

Hey, Ron Paul Republicans !?! It's Time For A GOP Palace Coup !

With all the party and media babble about who is better equipped to take over the Republican party in the wake of the bloodbath of the '08 election, it's impressive how deeply the pundits have been able to repress the memory of the Ron Paul campaign.


Ah, yes. Ron Paul. Dr. Ron Paul. The guy who got a lot of people excited, and raised a lot of money, but couldn't turn any of that small government excitement into Republican Party delegates.

After all, compare the Ron Paul 'Revolution' campaign with Barack Obama's now acknowledged electoral genius. That stuff Republicans are now realizing they have to do in the future? Paul did it months ago. Excited new voters beyond the base? Check. Raised massive amounts of money from small donations online? Ditto. Legions of creative people generating their own campaign content on YouTube and beyond? Did it. Young voters? Had those.

Had a coherent governing philosophy, instead of acting like a human weather vane? Check. Predicted our current financial crisis? Check. Isn't afraid to sound the alarm about the Fed printing money as if it doesn't have to be "backed" by anything, which, come to think of it, it isn't? Check. Wrote the best book I read this year, "Revolution: A Manifesto"? Check.

The biggest problem for Ron Paul and his supporters is the turd-in-the-punchbowl way they were treated by the Republicans. Remember Rudy's snide confusion over the idea that the United State's foreign policy may have somehow have been a factor in why the U.S. was attacked on 9/11? Recall the debate shunning?



Yes, we recall the debate shunning. And the day after that debate, Ron Paul started raking in money with both hands and a leaf-blower.

But look how things have changed. McCain's psuedo-maverick-ism tore the Republicans a gaping new one after they collectively rejected Ron Paul; the only candidate with ideas for real, actual change...such as ending the Iraq War.


Or harnessing the Fed, or ending all of our mindless subsidies and quotas and set-asides, and increasing both economic and personal freedom.

The beauty of the current GOP anarchy is that it may present the perfect chance for the anarachists to take over the establishment. Or the anarcho-capitalists or limited government small L libertarians and or whatever y'all can agree on. (And good luck on that -- agreement isn't what libertarians do well.) The party is ripe for the taking. Ripe, I say!


Yessir, it's ripe for the taking. But I don't think the small L (and especially the big L) Libertarians want any part of it. You know why most Libertarians don't want any part of the Republican party? BECAUSE IT HAS REPUBLICANS POLITICIANS IN IT ! ! ! BIG GOVERNMENT, BIG SPENDING, WORSE THAN DEMOCRATS, PRAYER IN THE SCHOOLS DEMOGOGUING, MILITARY-INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX LOVING, FARMER SUBSIDIZING, NATION BUILDING, TAX AND SPENDING, BUDGET BUSTING, HOMOPHOBIC REPUBLICAN POLITICIANS. (But other than that, I'm sure it's a fine organization....)

My mother sent me these pictures this morning. They're pictures of what happens if you build a hotel in the middle of an elephant trail. The elephants are accustomed to walking there. After all, it was their trail long before the hotel went up, and elephants have no concept of real estate transfers, the barter system, or property rights. Therefore, the elephants routinely stick to their established paths. They're going to do what they've always done, regardless of their new surroundings.

It doesn't take much imagination to see the metaphor here, does it?

It's weeks past the election. Everyone should have sobered up by now. The fact that there is a significant chunk of Republicans that are still crushing on Sarah Palin shows that it's time show the same mercy for the Grand Old Party that The Chief showed to Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest -- any sense of rational thought is gone, so pull out the pillow and start smothering until the kicking stops.

Now here's a tougher question. Do you want the Republican Party?

Let's think about it a while longer.

No.

It's got high name recognition and if the two logo choices are the elephant or the donkey, I think the elephant wins. Sure, you don't want most of the people left behind after the Obama rapture devastated Karl Rove's dream of a Permanent Republican Majority and sent anyone with a bow tie, an IQ of over 100 and a dog earned copy of Atlas Shrugged floating off to conservative Valhalla.

If you've got an IQ of over 100 and a dog-eared copy of Atlas Shrugged, you probably already abandoned the Elephant Party several years ago, and left it in the hands of the anti-gay/lesbian marriage people, the anti-abortion people, and the anti-gay adoption people.

The ragtag band of people that remain in the blue hats mainly agree that gays shouldn't marry and that straights can't have abortions and that the unmarried gays shouldn't adopt the babies that the non-aborting straights have.

(Lee Stranahan just said it a lot better than I did above.)

The appeal of Ron Paul was his ideas, not his lovable ole' funeral director looks. So it's time for someone to grab those ideas, grab the organizational skill of herding a bunch of individualists....

Individualists? Individualists? The outfit that has voted to Socialize The Banks, Bailout Wall Street, and that's about to Bailout The Big 3? You call those people invidualists?

....and grab control of the damn Republican party right now... before I have to listen to Mike Huckabee's jokes, Mitt Romney's dumb advice or Sarah Palin's effin' voice for the next four years.

Mike Huckabee, please keep joking. Mitt, keep reminiscing about how yer daddy ran Detroit. Sarah, keep honking your vowels. The Republicans don't need Lee Stranahan. The Libertarians do.

This Is A Test.....This Is Only A Test.....

Ok, now that the election is over, I swear I'm seeing more Obama bumperstickers than I saw before election day.

Am I alone in noticing this?

Anyway, everyone that I know went to the polls and voted.
The question is, did you have any business voting? William in the Tarrant County Libertarian Meetup sent out a link to a Basic Civics Test to the TCLM members, and everyone who did well is spamming the hell out of everyone else's inbox with their high test scores.


Full Disclosure: I made an 84. I should have made an 89. I know the answer to question number two better than I know my child's birthday. I could correctly answer question number two during the biggest drop on The Texas Giant rollercoaster at 6 Flags. I could give you the correct answer to question number two during childbirth, as long as it was a woman birthing the child and not me. And I missed question #2. I just wasn't thinking.


I agree with my friend and former co-worker Tim Lebsack that there's some Big Government bias on question 30. (And who really gives a crap about Sputnik? We don't need no stinkin' Commie Sputnik ! Neil Armstrong was the one who brought dirt back.)


Take the test by hitting the link above, and get back to me.


According to the people who administer the test, the average college freshman scores a 52. After four years of college, the average senior scores a 54.


71 percent of Americans fail the test, with an overall average score of 49%.
Liberals score 49%;
Conservatives score 48%.
Republicans score 52%
Democrats score 45%.
(So far, the average Tarrant County Libertarian score is an 89%, but I'm only hearing from those who are proud of their achievement.)

Fewer than half of all Americans can name all three branches of government, a minimal requirement for understanding America’s constitutional system.

Only 24% of college graduates know the First Amendment prohibits establishing an official religion for the United States.

Government officeholders typically have less civic knowledge than the general public. On average, they score 44% - that's five percentage points lower than non-officeholders.


Lord have mercy.


At the risk of sounding like an interventionist.... if you scored below 70%, may I suggest a remedy?



"Parliament Of Whores", by P.J. O'Rourke. O'Rourke worked his way through the ranks at Rolling Stone, Car & Driver, American Spectator, and several other periodicals. This book is his attempt to explain how the government works. And it's hilarious. I can't recommend it highly enough.
And I'm still waiting on someone with the Tarrant County Libertarians to admit that he/she made less than a 70.

The Resurrection ! - Adapted For The Stage

I was in the downtown library this afternoon, and saw some papers sticking out of the top of "The Art and Craft of Playwriting", by Jeffery Hatcher. It turned out to be an interesting collection of emails, photocopies of the Bible, rough drafts, and script outlines. Lots and lots of outlines. I believe I have assembled everything from this correspondence in the correct order.

I hope I'm not violating anyone's privacy by publishing this, but it seems like a remarkable project that was abandoned too soon. I encourage others to try it.

*******************************
Jim,
I know we haven't talked or emailed recently, but I've been asked to "fix" the script for a stage version of The Life of Jesus. The group employing me believes that the Bible is the world's #1 bestseller because it is infallible and 100% free from any errors or mistakes. If that's the case, then it really is the highest quality product ever produced, right?

They see a huge market for a stage version. If they can produce an equally "inerrant" script, the dramatic/stage version should be as popular as the printed text. It should earn a fortune on Broadway, right?

The resurrection scene is giving us some trouble. Since there are five accounts of the event in the New Testament, the original playwright was having a hard time blending everything into a single narrative. This is my first time to be called in as a "script doctor".
Remember, this is only a rough draft, (see attachment) but please let me know what you think.

Your friend,

Brad

*********************************
The Resurrection - the infallible and inerrant stage version, rough draft #1, based on the book of Matthew.

Characters: Mary Magdalene, another woman named Mary, an Angel, Two guards, Jesus, Numerous Chief Priests and Elders, Eleven Disciples

Scene: Dawn, Monday in Jerusalem, Sometime around 33 C.E.

Stage design: In the middle of the stage is a tomb with a large stone that can be rolled away from the door as necessary. Overhead rigging is needed to lower an angel to the front of the tomb. To the right of the stage is lighting to simulate "dawn". All trees and bushes around the set must be shaken to simulate an earthquake. A large piece of sheet metal, hanging from a frame offstage, produces the sound of thunder for this earthquake. A mountain scene representing Galilee must be moved into place from stage right.

Mary Magdalene and Mary enter from stage left and approach the tomb. (Matthew 28:1) They're carrying extinguished oil lamps, (no longer burning because of the slowly rising sun). When they are a few feet away from the stone, there is a frightening earthquake. All trees and shrubbery shake violently and thunder echoes across the stage. (Matthew 28:2)
The Angel is lowered to the front of the tomb, and he/she/it rolls away the stone that blocks the door. Rolling away the stone requires superhuman effort and should be accompanied by dramatic music and much flexing and straining on the part of the angel. When finished, the angel calmly sits on top of the stone. The guards begin shaking with fear. The angel looks toward the two women.

Angel: (panting) "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you." (Matthew 28:7)

The women run away from the tomb, stage left. Suddenly Jesus steps in front of them from stage left.

Jesus: "Greetings". (Matthew 28:9)

The women fall to his feet.

Jesus: "Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me."

The women exit stage left. Jesus disappears backstage. The guards rise, rub their eyes, and begin walking downstage. The chief priests and elders enter from stage right.

Guard #1: We were guarding the tomb.
Guard #2: There was an earthquake.
Guard #1: An angel came down from heaven and rolled away the stone.
Guard #2: The angel told a couple of women that Jesus has risen. (Matthew 28:11)

The chief priests and elders participate in a brief huddle, then turn to the guards with bags of money.

Chief Priest: Here's some money. You are to say "His disciples came during the night and stole him away while you were asleep. If this report gets to the governor, we will satisfy him and keep you out of trouble." (Matthew 28:14)

The soldiers take the money and exit stage right.

The curtain briefly closes and re-opens to show a depiction of Galilee. Jesus appears to eleven disciples on top of a mountain. (Matthew 28:16)

Jesus: "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (Matthew 28:20)

Curtain

*****************************************************

Dear Brad,

I LOVE what you've done so far. (How do you feel about the Olsen twins playing the two Marys? It's just a thought....)

However, I've got a few reservations about using only one source text to tell the story. There are three other gospels, right? See if you can work in some dialogue from those other guys.

I could see Russell Crowe as the angel. What do you think?

-Jim

**********************************************************

Jim,
Thanks for the advice. In this next draft, (see attachment) I've tried to make the scene totally consistent with the book of Mark. It's been difficult, since the oldest manuscripts of Mark all end at verse 8 of Chapter 16. Not as much text to work with, but it is the account that most scholars believe was written first. I think it is much more human, more believable, and much more intense. Please let me know what you think. I'll combine it with the material in the previous version later.
Your friend,
Brad

The Resurrection - the infallible and inerrant stage version, rough draft #2, based on the book of Matthew and Mark.

Characters: Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, an Angel, Two guards, Jesus, Numerous Chief Priests and Elders, Eleven Disciples, Salome, who carries a basket of spices, A Young Man in a white robe.

Scene: Sunrise, Monday in Jerusalem, Sometime around 33 C.E.

Stage design: In the middle of the stage is a tomb with a large stone that can be rolled away from the door as necessary is carefully placed to the left of the open door of the tomb. Rigging must be in place to lower an angel to the front of the tomb The Young Man in the white robe is waiting inside the tomb as the curtain rises. All trees and bushes around the set must be shaken to simulate an earthquake. A large piece of sheet metal is necessary to produce the sound of thunder associated with the earthquake. A mountain scene representing Galilee must be moved into place from state right.

Mary Magdalene and Mary and Salome (with a basket of spices) enter from stage left and approach the tomb. (Mark 16:1)

Salome: "Who will roll the stone away from the entrance of the tomb?" (Mark 16:3)

As they approach the tomb, they slap themselves on their foreheads in amazement. The stone has already been rolled away. (Mark 16:4) The three women walk inside the tomb, where they see the Young Man In A White Robe. They are obviously alarmed. (Mark 16:5)
When they are a few feet away from the stone, there is a frightening earthquake. All trees and shrubbery shake violently and thunder echoes across the stage.
The Angel is lowered to the front of the tomb, and he/she/it rolls away the stone, then sits on top of it. The guards begin shaking with fear.

Angel: "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you."

The women run away from the tomb, stage left. Suddenly Jesus steps in front of them from stage left.

Young Man In A White Robe: "Don't be alarmed. You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen ! He is not here. See the place where they laid him. But go, tell his disciples and Peter, 'He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.'" (Mark 16:7)
Jesus: "Greetings".

The women fall to his feet.

Jesus: "Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me."

The women exit stage left. Jesus disappears backstage. The guards rise, rub their eyes, and begin walking downstage. The chief priests and elders enter from stage right.

Guard #1: We were guarding the tomb.
Guard #2: There was an earthquake.
Guard #1: An angel came down from heaven and rolled away the stone.
Guard #2: The angel told a couple of women that Jesus has risen.

The chief priests and elders participate in a brief huddle, then turn to the guards.

Chief Priest: Here's some money. You are to say "His disciples came during the night and stole him away while you were asleep. If this report gets to the governor, we will satisfy him and keep you out of trouble."

The soldiers take the money and exit stage right.

The curtain briefly closes and re-opens to show a depiction of Galilee. Jesus appears to eleven disciples on top of a mountain.

Jesus: "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

The women run from the tomb, stage left, trembling and bewildered. They say nothing to anyone, because they are obviously afraid. (Mark 16:8)

Curtain

**********************************************

Dear Brad,

I hate to tell you this, but I'm disappointed. What happened to the earthquake? What about the lightning? I thought this play had a huge special effects budget.....

What happened to the soldiers? How are we going to convince Russell Crowe to show up if he's just a young man in a white robe and not an angel?

Oh, and where is Jesus? You mean to tell me that you've written a scene about the resurrection of Jesus that doesn't include Jesus?

There's no dramatic arc to your story.

Mark is the oldest of the four Gospels, right? If that's the case, then lose him. Any Gospel author who writes an account of the Resurrection without including Jesus.....well, that writer doesn't have any business writing a Bible story.

You need some action. You need to add additional scenes. You need some music. The three women can't just leave the tomb and not tell anybody what they've seen. Is that really all there is in the book of Mark? Your latest draft makes "My Dinner With Andre" look like "Die Hard 3".

Show me what you can do.

-Jim

******************************************

The Resurrection - the infallible and inerrant stage version, rough draft #3, based on the Gospel of Matthew Mark Luke.

Characters: Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James, some other women, Two Men in Clothes that gleam like lightning, Jesus, two people going to Emmaus, and Eleven Disciples.

Scene: Sunrise, Monday in Jerusalem, Sometime around 33 C.E.

Stage design: In the middle of the stage is a tomb with a large stone placed to the left of the door. Several strips of linen litter the floor inside the tomb. Special lights are required for the two men in clothes that gleam like lightning.

Stage right represents a rural road for the scene going into Emmaus. A table is needed for the bread breaking in Emmaus. An area on the left side of the stage represents Bethany, where Jesus ascends to heaven. Rigging is required for an authentic ascension.

Mary Magdalene, Joanna, and Mary the mother of James enter from stage left and approach the tomb. Their lamps aren't burning, since it is already early morning (Luke 24:1) Through hand gestures, they express their surprise that the stone has already been rolled away from the entrance. Suddenly, two men in clothes that gleam like lightning appear before them. (Luke 24:4) The Women bow their heads to the ground in fear.

Two men in clothes that gleam like lightning: "Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here' he has risen ! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: 'The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.' " (Luke 24:7)

The women walk away from the tomb, stage left, where they are met by Eleven Disciples.

Mary: We were going to the tomb to prepare Jesus' body with spices, but the body was missing. Two men in clothes that gleam like lightning told us that Jesus wasn't there, and that he'd risen. Remember when Jesus said he'd be crucified and on the third day be raised again?" (Luke 24:9)

The disciples scratch their heads, trying to remember if Jesus ever said any such thing.

Disciples: We don't believe you. Your words, to us, sound like nonsense. (Luke 24:11)

Peter runs into the tomb, bends over, and looks at the strips of linen littering the floor. He walks away, wondering what really happened. (Luke 24:12) Peter doesn't want to return to his fishing career, and wonders if there might be some way to make some money off all this.

Resurrection Appearances Montage
From the orchestra pit comes the piano introduction to a familiar song. At first it is too faint to be heard clearly, but after about 30 seconds (which gives the crew time to set up the scene on the Road To Emmaus) we recognize it as Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You".

Whitney Houston (sung): "If I should stay,
I would only be in your way.
So I'll go, but I know
I'll think of you every step of the way."

Two People Going To Emmaus enter from stage right. (Luke 24:13) Jesus approaches from backstage and begins walking with them. They read the lengthy dialogue found in Luke 24:17-27.

Whitney Houston:
"And I......will always
Love youuuuuuu....
I will alwaaaaaaayss
Loooooove Youuuuuuu..."

The two men invite Jesus to stay with them in Emmaus, and they approach the table at stage left, where Jesus breaks bread, gives thanks, and gives them pieces of the bread. There is a blinding flash of light, and Jesus disappears. (Luke 24:31)

One Of The Men Going To Emmaus: Hey, that was Jesus ! It had to be ! I wonder why we couldn't recognize him?

The Second Man Going to Emmaus: Yeah, it had to have been Jesus. Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us? (Luke 24:32)

The two men begin the long run from Emmaus to Jerusalem, a journey of 7 miles. (Luke 24:33)

Whitney Houston:
"I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all
you've dreamed of.
And I wish you joy
and happiness.
But above all this,
I wish you looooove."

The two men continue to simulate running in place toward Jerusalem. Assuming world record 4-minute miles, this scene will last 28 minutes or longer. Be prepared to play the Whitney Houston recording as many times as necessary.

Whitney Houston:
"And I......will always
Love youuuuuuu....
I will alwaaaaaaayss
Loooooove Youuuuuuu..."

The two men finally return to Jerusalem, where they find the remaining eleven disciples, plus some hangers-on.

Two Men: It's true ! The Lord has risen and has appeared to Simon. We were walking to Emmaus, and a man joined us on the road. We didn't recognize him until he broke some bread. Jesus always had a very distinctive way of breaking bread ! (Luke 24:35)

The Disciples: (Talk amongst themselves)

At this point, they look around and see that Jesus is standing among them.

Jesus: Peace be with you. (Luke 24:36)

The disciples begin to tremble with fear. As the instrumental music continues, Jesus recites the verses found in Luke 24:38-49, while allowing the disciples to see his wounded hands and feet, and eating some fish (Luke 24:43).

Jesus leads them to an area representing the town of Bethany. He lifts his hands to bless them, and then begins to slowly ascend to heaven. (Luke 24:51)

Whitney Houston:
"And I......will always
Love youuuuuuu....
I will alwaaaaaaayss
Loooooove Youuuuuuu..."

Curtain

***************************************

Dear Brad,

Now you're on to something. You can make this work. I don't know how you're going to reconcile the action in this draft with the first two, but at least you've got a decent storyline to work with.

Why didn't they include all this great material in the older versions? And I'm glad we're back to having two angels, or men in clothes that look like lightning. Russell Crowe and Hugh Jackman, maybe? I've become interested in this, and have started doing some reading on my own. Please send me your treatment from the Gospel of John as soon as you finish it.

-Jim

***************************************

The Resurrection - the infallible and inerrant stage version, rough draft #4, based on the Gospel of Matthew Mark Luke John.

Characters: Mary Magdalene, Simon Peter, The Disciple That Jesus Loved, Two Angels In White, Jesus, Thomas, The other disciples

Scene: Before Sunrise, while it is still dark. Monday in Jerusalem, Sometime around 33 C.E.

Stage design: In the middle of the stage is a tomb with a large stone placed to the left of the door. Several strips of linen litter the floor inside the tomb. Over the stage are several small spotlights, which illuminate the main characters in the pre-dawn darkness. There is a burial cloth on the floor that was once wrapped around Jesus' head. To the left of the stage is a small set representing a room in Jerusalem. Another backdrop represents the Sea of Tiberias. A boat large enough to hold several disciples waits offstage, and holds a net. Inside the net are 153 fish. (152 obviously wouldn't be enough. 154, of course, is too many.)

Mary Magdalene enters from stage left. She is carrying a functioning oil lamp, since it is still dark (John 20:1). The flame from her lamp is the only thing visible in the darkness. A spotlight gradually comes on to reveal Mary Magdalene to the audience. She walks to the tomb in the dark, and holds the lamp inside to see that the stone has been removed from the entrance, turns around and returns to Stage Left, where she sees Simon Peter and The Disciple That Jesus Loved (TDTJL - John 20:2).

Mary Magdalene: They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don't know where they hav put him !

Simon Peter and TDTJL run toward the tomb, and TDTJL arrives first. TDTJL looks into the tomb, but doesn't go inside. Simon Peter walks into the tomb and sees the burial cloths on the floor. TDTJL then goes inside. They don't understand that Jesus has risen from the dead (John 20:9). They are puzzled.
Everyone leaves the tomb to go home except Mary Magdalene, who stands outside the tomb crying. While she is crying, she looks inside the tomb and sees Russell Crowe and Hugh Jackman two angels dressed in white. They are seated in the area where Jesus' body had been.

Two Angels: Woman, why are you crying?

Mary Magdalene: They have taken my Lord away, and I don't know where they have put him.

Jesus suddenly appears outside the tomb. Mary Magdalene doesn't realize that it is Jesus. She thinks he is a gardener.

Jesus: Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?

Mary Magdalene: Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.

Jesus: Mary.

Mary Magdalene: Teacher !

Mary Magdalene moves toward Jesus, arms open wide. Jesus remembers Mary Magdalene's former profession, and that the two angels are still watching, and that angels tend to gossip.

Jesus: Do not hold onto me, for I have not yet returned to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, 'I am returning to my Father, to my God and your God.' "

Mary Magdalene runs to Stage Right, where the disciples are waiting in a locked house, since they are afraid of Jews (John 20:19)

Mary Magdalene: I have seen the Lord !

As Mary Magdalene is telling the disciples all the other things that happened, Jesus suddenly appears among them. Andrew, one of the disciples, rises to check the locks. Andrew is obviously concerned that despite all his precautions, a Jew got in the house.

Jesus: Peace be with you !

Jesus shows the disciples his hands and side. The disciples are overjoyed. (John 20:20)

Jesus: Peace be with you ! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.

Jesus breathes on them, laying the groundwork for the doctrine of The Trinity in about 300 more years.

Jesus: Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive anyone his sins, they are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven. (John 20:22)

The disciples are obviously pleased to hear this, and appear to be drunk with power.

The curtain briefly closes, and re-opens to show the same room later that evening. Thomas is now at the center of the room.

Disciples: We have seen the Lord !

Thomas: Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it.

The curtain briefly closes, and re-opens to show all of the disciples in same room exactly one week later (John 20:26) as noted by a Page-A-Day calendar resting on a table near the front of the stage. Jesus suddenly appears among them. Once again, Andrew goes from door to door checking the locks.

Jesus: Peace be with you ! Thomas, put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop your doubting and believe.

Thomas simultaneously feels Jesus' right hand and left side. (The director should resist the temptation to have the two of them do a waltz while locked into this position. There is no mention of any dance is John's gospel.)

Thomas: My Lord and my God ! (John 20:28)

Jesus: Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.

The Voice Of James Earl Jones/Narrator: Jesus did many other miraculous signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not recorded in this book. But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name. (John 20:30-31)

From the orchestra pit comes the piano introduction to a familiar song. It's too soft to recognize at first, but we later recognize R Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly".

R Kelly: "I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly"

Jesus leaves the room, and begins performing miracles and other miraculous signs. He gives sight to the blind, causes the lame to walk, and bails out the Big 3 chariot makers.

There is a brief curtain to set up the Sea Of Tiberias scene.

The Voice Of James Earl Jones/Narrator: Afterward Jesus appeared again to his disciples by the Sea of Tiberias. It happened this way: Simon Peter, Thomas, Nathanael, the sons of Zebedee, and two other disciples were together. So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing. (John 21:3)
Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus.

Jesus: Had any luck yet? Are they biting? What are you using for bait? Caught anything yet? (John 21:5)

Disciples (irritated): No.

Jesus: Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.

The disciples struggle to bring their nets on board because of all the fish. (John 21:6)

R Kelly: See I was on the verge of breaking down
Sometimes silence can seem so loud
There are miracles in life I must achieve
But first I know it starts inside of me oohh
If I can see it, then I can be it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it...
I believe I can fly....

Simon Peter jumps into the water with his corner of the net. The other disciples remain in the boat, pulling the net full of 153 fish. By the time they arrive on shore, Jesus has a fire going and some fish cooking. (John 21:9)

Jesus: Bring some of the fish you just caught.

They drag the net to dry land.

Jesus: Come have some breakfast. (John 21:12)

Voice Of James Earl Jones/Narrator: None of the disciples dared ask him, "Who are you?" They knew it was the Lord.....

Jesus takes the bread and gives it to the disciples, along with some fish.

Voice Of James Earl Jones/Narrator: This was now the third time Jesus appeared to his disciples after he was raised from the dead.

Jesus, Simon Peter, TDTJL, and the other disciples give a straightforward reading of the dialogue found in John 21: 15-24.

Voice Of James Earl Jones/Narrator: Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written. (John 21:25)

Curtain

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Brad,
That last line of you latest draft...."If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written."
All I can say is, thank God we don't have those other books to worry about.

I do have one other suggestion for you. In an earlier email, I told you I've been doing some reading on my own. I Corinthians, chapter 15, verses 3 though 8? Have you ever read it?

Paul says in I Corinthians that after Jesus rose on the third day after his crucifixion, Jesus first appeared to Peter, then to the Twelve Disciples, then to 500 other people, then to James, then to the apostles, and then to him (Paul).

That's supposed to be infallible and without error also, right? Why don't you start with that, and then see how you can make the gospel stories fit into Paul's I Corinthians story?

Just a suggestion.....

Your friend,

Jim

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Jim,
I hate to tell you, but I've given up on this project. I've used up 15 legal pads, two Bibles, and countless hours on the internet trying to make the pieces of this puzzle fit together. All of the funding for the Off-Broadway production has dried up; the producers are now working on a stage play that will explain Fidel Castro's role in The Kennedy Assassination.
I didn't even make it to Paul's story in I Corinthians. I wish you hadn't sent those verses to me. They make my head hurt. I don't remember how Paul died, but I hope it was painful.
I've been reading a lot also, mostly books by a guy named Dan Barker.
I'm also interested in some guys named Marcus Borg and John Shelby Spong, and anyone else who doesn't use the words "inerrant" or "infallible".

Your friend,

Brad

Hitler In The Subprime Mortgage Bunker

Libertarians will enjoy the bit o' wisdom beginning at the 2:45 mark.