Happy Easter - The Rough Draft Screenplays

I first posted this back in 2008.  Enjoy!

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I was in the downtown library this afternoon, and saw some papers sticking out of the top of "The Art and Craft of Playwriting", by Jeffery Hatcher. It turned out to be an interesting collection of emails, photocopies of the Bible, rough drafts, and script outlines. Lots and lots of outlines. I believe I have assembled everything from this correspondence in the correct order.

I hope I'm not violating anyone's privacy by publishing this, but it seems like a remarkable project that was abandoned too soon. I encourage others to try it.

******************
Jim,
I know we haven't talked or emailed recently, but I've been asked to "fix" the script for a stage version of The Life of Jesus. The group employing me believes that the Bible is the world's #1 bestseller because it is infallible and 100% free from any errors or mistakes. If that's the case, then it really is the highest quality product ever produced, right?

They see a huge market for a stage version. If they can produce an equally "inerrant" script, the dramatic/stage version should be as popular as the printed text. It should earn a fortune on Broadway, right?

The resurrection scene is giving us some trouble. Since there are five accounts of the event in the New Testament, the original playwright was having a hard time blending everything into a single narrative. This is my first time to be called in as a "script doctor".
Remember, this is only a rough draft, (see attachment) but please let me know what you think.

Your friend,

Brad

 

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The Resurrection - the infallible and inerrant stage version, rough draft #1, based on the book of Matthew.

Characters: Mary Magdalene, another woman named Mary, an Angel, Two guards, Jesus, Numerous Chief Priests and Elders, Eleven Disciples

Scene: Dawn, Monday in Jerusalem, Sometime around 33 C.E.

Stage design: In the middle of the stage is a tomb with a large stone that can be rolled away from the door as necessary. Overhead rigging is needed to lower an angel to the front of the tomb. To the right of the stage is lighting to simulate "dawn". All trees and bushes around the set must be shaken to simulate an earthquake. A large piece of sheet metal, hanging from a frame offstage, produces the sound of thunder for this earthquake. A mountain scene representing Galilee must be moved into place from stage right.

Mary Magdalene and Mary enter from stage left and approach the tomb. (Matthew 28:1) They're carrying extinguished oil lamps, (no longer burning because of the slowly rising sun). When they are a few feet away from the stone, there is a frightening earthquake. All trees and shrubbery shake violently and thunder echoes across the stage. (Matthew 28:2)
The Angel is lowered to the front of the tomb, and he/she/it rolls away the stone that blocks the door. Rolling away the stone requires superhuman effort and should be accompanied by dramatic music and much flexing and straining on the part of the angel. When finished, the angel calmly sits on top of the stone. The guards begin shaking with fear. The angel looks toward the two women.

Angel: (panting) "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you." (Matthew 28:7)

The women run away from the tomb, stage left. Suddenly Jesus steps in front of them from stage left.

Jesus: "Greetings". (Matthew 28:9)

The women fall to his feet.

Jesus: "Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me."

The women exit stage left. Jesus disappears backstage. The guards rise, rub their eyes, and begin walking downstage. The chief priests and elders enter from stage right.

Guard #1: We were guarding the tomb.
Guard #2: There was an earthquake.
Guard #1: An angel came down from heaven and rolled away the stone.
Guard #2: The angel told a couple of women that Jesus has risen. (Matthew 28:11)

The chief priests and elders participate in a brief huddle, then turn to the guards with bags of money.

Chief Priest: Here's some money. You are to say "His disciples came during the night and stole him away while you were asleep. If this report gets to the governor, we will satisfy him and keep you out of trouble." (Matthew 28:14)

The soldiers take the money and exit stage right.

The curtain briefly closes and re-opens to show a depiction of Galilee. Jesus appears to eleven disciples on top of a mountain. (Matthew 28:16)

Jesus: "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (Matthew 28:20)

Curtain

*****************************************************

Dear Brad,

I LOVE what you've done so far. (How do you feel about the Olsen twins playing the two Marys? It's just a thought....)

However, I've got a few reservations about using only one source text to tell the story. There are three other gospels, right? See if you can work in some dialogue from those other guys.

I could see Russell Crowe as the angel. What do you think?

-Jim

**********************************************************

Jim,
Thanks for the advice. In this next draft, (see attachment) I've tried to make the scene totally consistent with the book of Mark. It's been difficult, since the oldest manuscripts of Mark all end at verse 8 of Chapter 16. Not as much text to work with, but it is the account that most scholars believe was written first. I think it is much more human, more believable, and much more intense. Please let me know what you think. I'll combine it with the material in the previous version later.
Your friend,
Brad

The Resurrection - the infallible and inerrant stage version, rough draft #2, based on the book of Matthew and Mark.
Characters: Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, an Angel, Two guards, Jesus, Numerous Chief Priests and Elders, Eleven Disciples, Salome, who carries a basket of spices, A Young Man in a white robe.
Scene: Sunrise, Monday in Jerusalem, Sometime around 33 C.E.
Stage design: In the middle of the stage is a tomb with a large stone that can be rolled away from the door as necessary is carefully placed to the left of the open door of the tomb. Rigging must be in place to lower an angel to the front of the tomb The Young Man in the white robe is waiting inside the tomb as the curtain rises. All trees and bushes around the set must be shaken to simulate an earthquake. A large piece of sheet metal is necessary to produce the sound of thunder associated with the earthquake. A mountain scene representing Galilee must be moved into place from state right.

Mary Magdalene and Mary and Salome (with a basket of spices) enter from stage left and approach the tomb. (Mark 16:1)
Salome: "Who will roll the stone away from the entrance of the tomb?" (Mark 16:3)
As they approach the tomb, they slap themselves on their foreheads in amazement. The stone has already been rolled away. (Mark 16:4) The three women walk inside the tomb, where they see the Young Man In A White Robe. They are obviously alarmed. (Mark 16:5)
When they are a few feet away from the stone, there is a frightening earthquake. All trees and shrubbery shake violently and thunder echoes across the stage.
The Angel is lowered to the front of the tomb, and he/she/it rolls away the stone, then sits on top of it. The guards begin shaking with fear.

Angel: "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you."

The women run away from the tomb, stage left. Suddenly Jesus steps in front of them from stage left.
Young Man In A White Robe: "Don't be alarmed. You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen ! He is not here. See the place where they laid him. But go, tell his disciples and Peter, 'He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.'" (Mark 16:7)
Jesus: "Greetings".

The women fall to his feet.

Jesus: "Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me."

The women exit stage left. Jesus disappears backstage. The guards rise, rub their eyes, and begin walking downstage. The chief priests and elders enter from stage right.

Guard #1: We were guarding the tomb.
Guard #2: There was an earthquake.
Guard #1: An angel came down from heaven and rolled away the stone.
Guard #2: The angel told a couple of women that Jesus has risen.

The chief priests and elders participate in a brief huddle, then turn to the guards.

Chief Priest: Here's some money. You are to say "His disciples came during the night and stole him away while you were asleep. If this report gets to the governor, we will satisfy him and keep you out of trouble."

The soldiers take the money and exit stage right.

The curtain briefly closes and re-opens to show a depiction of Galilee. Jesus appears to eleven disciples on top of a mountain.

Jesus: "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

The women run from the tomb, stage left, trembling and bewildered. They say nothing to anyone, because they are obviously afraid. (Mark 16:8)

Curtain

**********************************************

Dear Brad,

I hate to tell you this, but I'm disappointed. What happened to the earthquake? What about the lightning? I thought this play had a huge special effects budget.....

What happened to the soldiers? How are we going to convince Russell Crowe to show up if he's just a young man in a white robe and not an angel?

Oh, and where is Jesus? You mean to tell me that you've written a scene about the resurrection of Jesus that doesn't include Jesus?

There's no dramatic arc to your story.

Mark is the oldest of the four Gospels, right? If that's the case, then lose him. Any Gospel author who writes an account of the Resurrection without including Jesus.....well, that writer doesn't have any business writing a Bible story.

You need some action. You need to add additional scenes. You need some music. The three women can't just leave the tomb and not tell anybody what they've seen. Is that really all there is in the book of Mark? Your latest draft makes "My Dinner With Andre" look like "Die Hard 3".

Show me what you can do.

-Jim

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The Resurrection - the infallible and inerrant stage version, rough draft #3, based on the Gospel of Matthew Mark Luke.

Characters: Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James, some other women, Two Men in Clothes that gleam like lightning, Jesus, two people going to Emmaus, and Eleven Disciples.

Scene: Sunrise, Monday in Jerusalem, Sometime around 33 C.E.

Stage design: In the middle of the stage is a tomb with a large stone placed to the left of the door. Several strips of linen litter the floor inside the tomb. Special lights are required for the two men in clothes that gleam like lightning.

Stage right represents a rural road for the scene going into Emmaus. A table is needed for the bread breaking in Emmaus. An area on the left side of the stage represents Bethany, where Jesus ascends to heaven. Rigging is required for an authentic ascension.

Mary Magdalene, Joanna, and Mary the mother of James enter from stage left and approach the tomb. Their lamps aren't burning, since it is already early morning (Luke 24:1) Through hand gestures, they express their surprise that the stone has already been rolled away from the entrance. Suddenly, two men in clothes that gleam like lightning appear before them. (Luke 24:4) The Women bow their heads to the ground in fear.

Two men in clothes that gleam like lightning: "Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here' he has risen ! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: 'The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.' " (Luke 24:7)

The women walk away from the tomb, stage left, where they are met by Eleven Disciples.

Mary: We were going to the tomb to prepare Jesus' body with spices, but the body was missing. Two men in clothes that gleam like lightning told us that Jesus wasn't there, and that he'd risen. Remember when Jesus said he'd be crucified and on the third day be raised again?" (Luke 24:9)

The disciples scratch their heads, trying to remember if Jesus ever said any such thing.

Disciples: We don't believe you. Your words, to us, sound like nonsense. (Luke 24:11)

Peter runs into the tomb, bends over, and looks at the strips of linen littering the floor. He walks away, wondering what really happened. (Luke 24:12) Peter doesn't want to return to his fishing career, and wonders if there might be some way to make some money off all this.

Resurrection Appearances Montage

From the orchestra pit comes the piano introduction to a familiar song. At first it is too faint to be heard clearly, but after about 30 seconds (which gives the crew time to set up the scene on the Road To Emmaus) we recognize it as Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You".

Whitney Houston (sung): "If I should stay,
I would only be in your way.
So I'll go, but I know
I'll think of you every step of the way."

Two People Going To Emmaus enter from stage right. (Luke 24:13) Jesus approaches from backstage and begins walking with them. They read the lengthy dialogue found in Luke 24:17-27.

Whitney Houston:
"And I......will always
Love youuuuuuu....
I will alwaaaaaaayss
Loooooove Youuuuuuu..."

The two men invite Jesus to stay with them in Emmaus, and they approach the table at stage left, where Jesus breaks bread, gives thanks, and gives them pieces of the bread. There is a blinding flash of light, and Jesus disappears. (Luke 24:31)

One Of The Men Going To Emmaus: Hey, that was Jesus ! It had to be ! I wonder why we couldn't recognize him?

The Second Man Going to Emmaus: Yeah, it had to have been Jesus. Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us? (Luke 24:32)

The two men begin the long run from Emmaus to Jerusalem, a journey of 7 miles. (Luke 24:33)

Whitney Houston:
"I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all
you've dreamed of.
And I wish you joy
and happiness.
But above all this,
I wish you looooove."

The two men continue to simulate running in place toward Jerusalem. Assuming world record 4-minute miles, this scene will last 28 minutes or longer. Be prepared to play the Whitney Houston recording as many times as necessary.

Whitney Houston:
"And I......will always
Love youuuuuuu....
I will alwaaaaaaayss
Loooooove Youuuuuuu..."

The two men finally return to Jerusalem, where they find the remaining eleven disciples, plus some hangers-on.

Two Men: It's true ! The Lord has risen and has appeared to Simon. We were walking to Emmaus, and a man joined us on the road. We didn't recognize him until he broke some bread. Jesus always had a very distinctive way of breaking bread ! (Luke 24:35)

The Disciples: (Talk amongst themselves)

At this point, they look around and see that Jesus is standing among them.

Jesus: Peace be with you. (Luke 24:36)

The disciples begin to tremble with fear. As the instrumental music continues, Jesus recites the verses found in Luke 24:38-49, while allowing the disciples to see his wounded hands and feet, and eating some fish (Luke 24:43).

Jesus leads them to an area representing the town of Bethany. He lifts his hands to bless them, and then begins to slowly ascend to heaven. (Luke 24:51)
Whitney Houston:
"And I......will always
Love youuuuuuu....
I will alwaaaaaaayss
Loooooove Youuuuuuu..."

Curtain

***************************************

Dear Brad,

Now you're on to something. You can make this work. I don't know how you're going to reconcile the action in this draft with the first two, but at least you've got a decent storyline to work with.

Why didn't they include all this great material in the older versions? And I'm glad we're back to having two angels, or men in clothes that look like lightning. Russell Crowe and Hugh Jackman, maybe? I've become interested in this, and have started doing some reading on my own. Please send me your treatment from the Gospel of John as soon as you finish it.

-Jim

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The Resurrection - the infallible and inerrant stage version, rough draft #4, based on the Gospel of Matthew Mark Luke John.

Characters: Mary Magdalene, Simon Peter, The Disciple That Jesus Loved, Two Angels In White, Jesus, Thomas, The other disciples

Scene: Before Sunrise, while it is still dark. Monday in Jerusalem, Sometime around 33 C.E.

Stage design: In the middle of the stage is a tomb with a large stone placed to the left of the door. Several strips of linen litter the floor inside the tomb. Over the stage are several small spotlights, which illuminate the main characters in the pre-dawn darkness. There is a burial cloth on the floor that was once wrapped around Jesus' head. To the left of the stage is a small set representing a room in Jerusalem. Another backdrop represents the Sea of Tiberias. A boat large enough to hold several disciples waits offstage, and holds a net. Inside the net are 153 fish. (152 obviously wouldn't be enough. 154, of course, is too many.)

Mary Magdalene enters from stage left. She is carrying a functioning oil lamp, since it is still dark (John 20:1). The flame from her lamp is the only thing visible in the darkness. A spotlight gradually comes on to reveal Mary Magdalene to the audience. She walks to the tomb in the dark, and holds the lamp inside to see that the stone has been removed from the entrance, turns around and returns to Stage Left, where she sees Simon Peter and The Disciple That Jesus Loved (TDTJL - John 20:2).

Mary Magdalene: They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don't know where they hav put him !

Simon Peter and TDTJL run toward the tomb, and TDTJL arrives first. TDTJL looks into the tomb, but doesn't go inside. Simon Peter walks into the tomb and sees the burial cloths on the floor. TDTJL then goes inside. They don't understand that Jesus has risen from the dead (John 20:9). They are puzzled.
Everyone leaves the tomb to go home except Mary Magdalene, who stands outside the tomb crying. While she is crying, she looks inside the tomb and sees Russell Crowe and Hugh Jackman two angels dressed in white. They are seated in the area where Jesus' body had been.

Two Angels: Woman, why are you crying?

Mary Magdalene: They have taken my Lord away, and I don't know where they have put him.

Jesus suddenly appears outside the tomb. Mary Magdalene doesn't realize that it is Jesus. She thinks he is a gardener.

Jesus: Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?

Mary Magdalene: Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.

Jesus: Mary.

Mary Magdalene: Teacher !

Mary Magdalene moves toward Jesus, arms open wide. Jesus remembers Mary Magdalene's former profession, and that the two angels are still watching, and that angels tend to gossip.

Jesus: Do not hold onto me, for I have not yet returned to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, 'I am returning to my Father, to my God and your God.' "

Mary Magdalene runs to Stage Right, where the disciples are waiting in a locked house, since they are afraid of Jews (John 20:19)
Mary Magdalene: I have seen the Lord !
As Mary Magdalene is telling the disciples all the other things that happened, Jesus suddenly appears among them. Andrew, one of the disciples, rises to check the locks. Andrew is obviously concerned that despite all his precautions, a Jew got in the house.
Jesus: Peace be with you !
Jesus shows the disciples his hands and side. The disciples are overjoyed. (John 20:20)
Jesus: Peace be with you ! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.
Jesus breathes on them, laying the groundwork for the doctrine of The Trinity in about 300 more years.
Jesus: Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive anyone his sins, they are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven. (John 20:22)
The disciples are obviously pleased to hear this, and appear to be drunk with power.
The curtain briefly closes, and re-opens to show the same room later that evening. Thomas is now at the center of the room.
Disciples: We have seen the Lord !
Thomas: Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it.
The curtain briefly closes, and re-opens to show all of the disciples in same room exactly one week later (John 20:26) as noted by a Page-A-Day calendar resting on a table near the front of the stage. Jesus suddenly appears among them. Once again, Andrew goes from door to door checking the locks.
Jesus: Peace be with you ! Thomas, put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop your doubting and believe.
Thomas simultaneously feels Jesus' right hand and left side. (The director should resist the temptation to have the two of them do a waltz while locked into this position. There is no mention of any dance is John's gospel.)
Thomas: My Lord and my God ! (John 20:28)
Jesus: Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.
The Voice Of James Earl Jones/Narrator: Jesus did many other miraculous signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not recorded in this book. But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name. (John 20:30-31)

From the orchestra pit comes the piano introduction to a familiar song. It's too soft to recognize at first, but we later recognize R Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly".

R Kelly: "I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly"

Jesus leaves the room, and begins performing miracles and other miraculous signs. He gives sight to the blind, causes the lame to walk, and bails out the Big 3 chariot makers.

There is a brief curtain to set up the Sea Of Tiberias scene.

The Voice Of James Earl Jones/Narrator: Afterward Jesus appeared again to his disciples by the Sea of Tiberias. It happened this way: Simon Peter, Thomas, Nathanael, the sons of Zebedee, and two other disciples were together. So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing. (John 21:3)
Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus.

Jesus: Had any luck yet? Are they biting? What are you using for bait? Caught anything yet? (John 21:5)

Disciples (irritated): No.

Jesus: Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.

The disciples struggle to bring their nets on board because of all the fish. (John 21:6)

R Kelly: See I was on the verge of breaking down
Sometimes silence can seem so loud
There are miracles in life I must achieve
But first I know it starts inside of me oohh
If I can see it, then I can be it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it...
I believe I can fly....

Simon Peter jumps into the water with his corner of the net. The other disciples remain in the boat, pulling the net full of 153 fish. By the time they arrive on shore, Jesus has a fire going and some fish cooking. (John 21:9)

Jesus: Bring some of the fish you just caught.

They drag the net to dry land.

Jesus: Come have some breakfast. (John 21:12)

Voice Of James Earl Jones/Narrator: None of the disciples dared ask him, "Who are you?" They knew it was the Lord.....

Jesus takes the bread and gives it to the disciples, along with some fish.

Voice Of James Earl Jones/Narrator: This was now the third time Jesus appeared to his disciples after he was raised from the dead.

Jesus, Simon Peter, TDTJL, and the other disciples give a straightforward reading of the dialogue found in John 21: 15-24.

Voice Of James Earl Jones/Narrator: Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written. (John 21:25)

Curtain

*******************************

Brad,
That last line of you latest draft...."If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written."
All I can say is, thank God we don't have those other books to worry about.

I do have one other suggestion for you. In an earlier email, I told you I've been doing some reading on my own. I Corinthians, chapter 15, verses 3 though 8? Have you ever read it?

Paul says in I Corinthians that after Jesus rose on the third day after his crucifixion, Jesus first appeared to Peter, then to the Twelve Disciples, then to 500 other people, then to James, then to the apostles, and then to him (Paul).

That's supposed to be infallible and without error also, right? Why don't you start with that, and then see how you can make the gospel stories fit into Paul's I Corinthians story?

Just a suggestion.....

Your friend,

Jim

***************************

Jim,

I hate to tell you, but I've given up on this project. I've used up 15 legal pads, two Bibles, and countless hours on the internet trying to make the pieces of this puzzle fit together. All of the funding for the Off-Broadway production has dried up; the producers are now working on a stage play that will explain Fidel Castro's role in The Kennedy Assassination.
I didn't even make it to Paul's story in I Corinthians. I wish you hadn't sent those verses to me. They make my head hurt. I don't remember how Paul died, but I hope it was painful.
I've been reading a lot also, mostly books by a guy named Dan Barker.
I'm also interested in some guys named Marcus Borg and John Shelby Spong, and anyone else who doesn't use the words "inerrant" or "infallible".

Your friend,

Brad

Juicy Couture employees find out what's in the bill

Nancy Pelosi's contribution to Bartlett's Quotations will probably be her famous line encouraging people to vote for ObamaCare:  "But we have to pass the (healthcare) bill so you can find out what's in it." 

The good people of the Juicy Couture fashion company have learned. 

The hard way. 

I apologize to The Twitchy for scraping this post in it's entirety.  Please go there every day.  The Twitchy never fails to please.  The block quotes below are Tweets.  Hit the link to see them in proper format. 

Here goes:

Need a laugh? Read liberal logic behind #justhours and how workers "deserve" xyz. Business have to make money you clowns! #tccot #tcot #tlot
—
Clayton Sears (@clay_sears) March 28, 2013

The latest thing causing a leftist tizzy? Juicy Couture is joining the ranks of businesses that are forced to cut workers’ hours in order to try to mitigate the devastating cost of Obamacare.

Juicy Couture workers angry their hours are being cut because of Obamacare coworker.org/petitions/juic…—
Amanda Carpenter (@amandacarpenter) March 28, 2013

Not just any workers. The Dudes of Juicy. No, for real.

@kim_hohman Dudes of .@juicycouture are taking action! When juicy cut hrs, they fought back: bit.ly/ZmyBaJ http://t.co/2z6HV9xAto—
Retail ActionProject (@RetailAction) March 28, 2013

Oh, dear. After you’ve picked yourself up from the floor where you have surely fallen in a fit of giggles, check out the rest.

"By keeping hours under 30 per week, JC will no longer be required to offer their workers affordable health care" coworker.org/petitions/juic…—
Amanda Carpenter (@amandacarpenter) March 28, 2013

Just the beginning of ObamaCare fallout MT @RetailAction: Fired 4 asking 4 enuf hrs 2 live? @juicycouture. bit.ly/ZmyBaJ #tcot #LUR—
LaborUnionReport (@laborunionrpt) March 27, 2013

RedState had more Thursday morning:

Yesterday, some person (or group) tweeted to me a link to a campaign (allegedly) by and for the current and former employees of Juicy Couture to demand “just hours.”
You see, according to the campaign, the hip and trendy Juicy is doing what other companies are doing in an effort to cope with the burdensome regulations and costs of the “Affordable Health Care Act” (aka ObamaCare)–the company is downsizing its full-time payroll to (mostly) part-time workers.

Surprise! Well, not if you have a functioning brain.
The group has taken the campaign to Twitter.

Over 600 signers agree! "Luxury" retailer .@juicycouture should offer good jobs with #JustHours to their workers! bit.ly/ZmyBaJ—
Retail ActionProject (@RetailAction) March 28, 2013

From their hilarious petition:

When we began working at Juicy Couture, many of us were full-time. Now, only 19 of the store’s 128 employees are full-time! Not only are they firing full-time workers and replacing us with a part-time workforce, just this month Juicy capped all part-time workers hours at 21 hours per week. We quickly realized that Juicy Couture is doing everything they can to not take care of its workers.
See, it was hard enough for us to make ends meet in New York City as full-time retail workers. But by keeping hours under 30 per week, Juicy Couture will no longer be required to offer their workers affordable health care – part of the Affordable Health Care Act’s plan to make sure more working Americans have basic health care. Further, we were told we’re only eligible for paid time off in case we’re sick or have other responsibilities if we work 1400 hours in one year. We did the math, and realized part-time workers reach that at 21 hours per week. This means that the vast majority of Juicy Couture’s workers will not ever get one single paid sick day.

That mean old company won’t throw extra cash at them so that they can live the New York City lifestyle to which they’ve become accustomed! Dear Dudes: Companies are in business to stay in business and employ people. Obamacare regulations are making that increasingly more difficult; the costs are staggering and burdensome. That whole “you can keep your plan” deal? Obama lied.
Shocked and angered lefties join the campaign.

Juicy Couture is firing full-time workers and limiting workers hours so the company can avoid providing health… fb.me/2sd23TKco—
Broadcast Union News (@bdaraio) March 27, 2013

SEIU’s digital campaign manager:

High-end retailer Juicy Couture appears to be capping workers' hours at 21-hrs/week to skirt #ACA requirements: bit.ly/X9LBDa—
Jess Kutch (@jess_kutch) March 26, 2013

Students Against Sweatshops. Yes, this exists:

.@juicycouture Stop avoiding employer responsibility for healthcare by part-timing workers! #psd #JustHours #hcr bit.ly/ZmyBaJ—
  (@USAS) March 28, 2013

Because, you know, hip and trendy Juicy Couture workers not being able to get the highest iPhone plan is totally like the Triangle Fire. (Too soon?)

Just 19 of Juicy Couture's 128 NYC employees are full time. Workers are demanding better hours: bit.ly/X9LBDa—
Bryce Covert (@brycecovert) March 26, 2013

More shock and fretting.

Sign & RT if you think @juicycouture workers deserve #justhours #paidsickdays & health insurance. bit.ly/ZmyBaJ #1U #labor—
  (@UFCW) March 28, 2013

"I got 40hrs/wk when I started, then .@juicycouture slashed to 14, but kept hiring!" -Duane, Juicy employee of 4 yrs bit.ly/ZmyBaJ—
Retail ActionProject (@RetailAction) March 28, 2013

.@juicycouture Stop replacing FT wrkrs w/crappy PT jobs! Support #JustHours & #paidsickdays: bit.ly/ZmyBaJ .@retailaction—
ROC-United (@rocunited) March 27, 2013

The sane give them a little dose of reality.

obamacare is sooo awesome — the Juicy Couture Company Has Eliminated Full-Time Employment thefrisky.com/2013-03-28/jui… via @thefrisky—
GeorgeTheLibertarian (@George4RonPaul) March 28, 2013

.@RetailAction @laborunionrpt @juicycouture You ain't seen nothing yet! Be careful what you ask for – you might get it! #Obamacare—
Neal Lawson (@JNealLawson) March 28, 2013

@amandacarpenter Kind of sad they don't see the real root of the problem in Obamacare but then how many voted for Obama.—
SCR North (@scr_north) March 28, 2013

Juicy doesn't make more $$ to pay for your benefits #justbecause u vote #Obama and u want #justhours. #tccot #tcot #tlot #tiot Get a clue.—
Clayton Sears (@clay_sears) March 28, 2013

Hey, #JustHours #Labor YOU voted for #obama, now eat your peas redstate.com/2013/03/28/oba…—
David M Batten™ (@dmbatten) March 28, 2013

Juicy Couture downsizes 128 FT employees to 19 as result of Obamacare costs redstate.com/2013/03/28/oba…—
Rudy (@USAfree123) March 28, 2013

Juicy Couture employees learn:
1. The law of unintended consequences
2. Elections do matter
3. There’s no free lunch
redstate.com/2013/03/28/oba…—
Rudy (@USAfree123) March 28, 2013

Bingo. Elections, they have consequences. Even for the Dudes of Juicy (stop! our sides!)

Well, I feel bad for these folks.  But you do get what you vote for. 

I was wrong, wrong, wrong !!!

I found this old post while looking for something else, and found a terrible mistake. 
Look at prediction #4 on this link.
I apologize for the error. 

North and South Korea - a perfect control group situation

North Korea and South Korea GDP. No further commentary necessary.

If you ask me to perform your wedding.

....then this is what you're going to get.  Here's 45 seconds.  Yes, I am ordained through the Universal Life Church!! 



Go here to read the back-story on this bit of Libertarian Party greatness!!  I didn't have video when I wrote the first post.
 

Slave Of The Week

A bar friend of mine that I frequently debate on Facebook recently posted the following definition:
He's a good guy, fun to play guitar with, loves his kids, etc. 
But what in the world could make a rational human being agree with that statement?  Somewhere out there, someone is spreading the idea that Big Business and Big Government don't love each other.  This person must be found and stopped. 

Are citizens worried that in a libertarian society, private insurance companies would force individuals to purchase their product?  i.e. ObamaCare?

Do you think that libertarians want bankrupt auto manufacturers to steal your money for bailouts? 

Does anyone honestly believe that Monsanto could enforce their seed monopolies without tender, loving help from the U.S. Department Of Agriculture? 

I know this has been a staple of TV shows and bad movies for decades, but who all thinks that private businesses can be successful by killing their customers? 

I really don't believe that The Evil Koch Brothers are going to chase me down the street and force me to read The Old Testament. 

Does anyone believe that, in a small government society, automakers would steal your money, use it to purchase old cars, destroy the old cars, and give customers a check for a new car?  i.e. Cash For Clunkers?

This isn't the dumbest thing I've seen a Statist post on Facebook, but it's in my top 20. 

Hope you've had a good weekend.  I'm gonna go make sure that Starbucks hasn't put poison in my espresso, and that Ford hasn't put a bomb in my gas tank. 

A ruling on the tariffs of Canadian sundials and birdbaths

I hope we can agree on the following statements.

1) The most fair trade of all is free trade.  All fair trade is free, and vice-versa.  If a certain industry or product line gets an exemption, the trade is no longer "fair".
2) Protecting industries from foreign competition merely rewards industry owners.  The net harm to purchasers is greater than the net gain by fat cats and their employees.
3) Congress gets itself elected by selling exemptions to the tax code.  Some of these are to reward contributors, while others are put in place to punish competitors.  Many of these exemptions can still be found, long after the original bribes contributions were paid, lingering around in the U.S. Harmonized Tariff Schedule.  Nobody remembers why hamster wheels have a different import tariff rate than coffin handles.  You could turn a team of librarians loose in the Congressional Record for years, and they would fail to discover why javelins and jump ropes enter the country at different tax rates.

Go here and behold some of the tiny subdivisions that these Civil Service Lifers have invented to keep themselves busy and their contributors happy.  Can you imagine any rational excuse for Canadian sundials and Canadian birdbaths to be taxed at a different rate?

This is just one of the hundreds of thousands of queries and rulings that government trolls, hobbits, pygmies and elves churn out every day.  Enjoy.  And then lobby for a flat tariff.  1.5% should work nicely.  Think of the labor savings.  First person to lobby for an exemption gets crucified on the 50 yard line during the next Super Bowl halftime.

******

December 3, 1993

CLA-2-83:S:N:N3:113 892510

CATEGORY: CLASSIFICATION

TARIFF NO.: 8306.29.0000; 9403.20.0010

Ms. Patricia A. Bielaski
Tower Group International, Inc.
128 Dearborn Street
Buffalo, NY 14207-3198

RE: The tariff classification of sundials, plant stands and birdbaths from Canada

Dear Ms. Bielaski:

In your letter dated November 16, 1993, on behalf of Metalcraft Spinning and Stamping, Ltd., you requested a tariff classification ruling.

The merchandise consists of painted aluminum articles on pedestal bases that will be displayed primarily on lawns and in gardens. Three samples were submitted with your request. One is a green sundial measuring approximately 21 inches high with an 11-inch diameter top and a 9-inch diameter base. The sundial is clearly ornamental in nature. The other two samples are plant stands which can be used inside or outside the home. They are designed to rest upon a floor or lawn, and meet the definition of furniture for classification purposes. One stand is green and the other is white. Both measure approximately 27 inches high with a 15 1/2-inch diameter top and a 12-inch diameter base. The plant stand can also function outdoors as a birdbath.

The applicable subheading for the sundial will be 8306.29.0000, Harmonized Tariff Schedule of the United States (HTS), which provides for statuettes and other ornaments, of base metal. The rate of duty will be 5 percent ad valorem.

Goods classifiable under subheading 8306.29.0000, which have originated in the territory of Canada, will be entitled to a 2.5 rate of duty under the United States-Canada Free Trade Agreement (FTA) upon compliance with all applicable regulations.

The applicable subheading for the plant stand and birdbath will be 9403.20.0010, Harmonized Tariff Schedule of the United States (HTS), which provides for other metal furniture, household. The rate of duty will be 4 percent ad valorem. Goods classifiable under subheading 9403.20.0010, HTS, which have originated in the territory of Canada, will be entitled to a free rate of duty under the United States-Canada Free Trade Agreement (FTA) upon compliance with all applicable regulations.

This ruling is being issued under the provisions of Section 177 of the Customs Regulations (19 C.F.R. 177).

A copy of this ruling letter should be attached to the entry documents filed at the time this merchandise is imported. If the documents have been filed without a copy, this ruling should be brought to the attention of the Customs officer handling the transaction.

Sincerely,

Jean F. Maguire
Area Director

*******

We are paying people to interpret this shit.
Have a good weekend!!

Dear Elizabeth....

Dear Elizabeth.....

You seem concerned about an economic issue, and now that you're a senator, this is scary for all of us.

You got elected by standing up for the little guy.  Your idea of accomplishing this, as I understand it, is to throw a check and some food pellets in the little guy's mailbox every month, and also by interfering in the workplace to raise the little guy's pay to a level that is higher than his productivity. (This encourages more automation, outsourcing, unemployment, etc., but that horse has already been beaten to death elsewhere.)

Now....look at this, from The Austrian Economists site:

% Households with:	Poor 1984	Poor  1994	Poor 2003	Poor  2005	All 1971	All 2005
Washing machine	58.2	71.7	67.0	68.7	71.3	84.0
Clothes dryer	35.6	50.2	58.5	61.2	44.5	81.2
Dishwasher	13.6	19.6	33.9	36.7	18.8	64.0
Refrigerator	95.8	97.9	98.2	98.5	83.3	99.3
Freezer	29.2	28.6	25.4	25.1	32.2	36.6
Stove	95.2	97.7	97.1	97.0	87.0	98.8
Microwave	12.5	60.0	88.7	91.2	1.0	96.4
Color TV	70.3	92.5	96.8	97.4	43.3	98.9
VCR	3.4	59.7	75.4	83.6	0.0	92.2
Personal computer	2.9	7.4	36.0	42.4	0.0	67.1
Telephone	71.0	76.7	87.3	79.8	93.0	90.6
Air conditioner	42.5	49.6	77.7	78.8	31.8	85.7
Cellular Telephone			34.7	48.3	0.0	71.3
One or more cars	64.1	71.8	72.8 (2001)		79.5

These increases in productivity seem to have helped "the poor".  What the hell have you risked for the poor, Elizabeth?  Anything?  Ever poured your own money into R&D for something that might not work?

But wait, that's not all!!!
Efficiency and productivity increases help the little guys more than the help the big guys!!!  Mostly because there are more of them !!

I hope this has helped.  And don't feel bad.  As long as Nancy Pelosi and Maxine Waters are alive, you won't be the biggest idiot in Congress.
But Christ Almighty, you are so close.

We Can Pick Winners !!!!

Sometime around 1994 my daughter, The Aggie, selected Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez as her hero and the greatest catcher of all time.  At the time, Pudge was just a fat Puerto Rican kid with a great arm.
The Aggie was only 3 years old when she made this prophecy.
Pudge Rodriguez will soon be going into the Major League Baseball Hall Of Fame.  He is now regarded as one of the greatest defensive catchers of all time.

Sometime around 1986 The Aggie selected John Elway of The Denver Broncos as her quarterback.  At the time, Elway had a reputation as a so-so quarterback who couldn't ever win The Big One.
Elway went on to win two, count 'em, two Super Bowls.  He's already in the Pro Football Hall Of Fame.

When The Aggie puts on her prophecy hat and speaks Ex Cathedra about a game, I listen.  My money is often invested based on her advice.  The Aggie knows things.

Well, the apple didn't fall very far from the tree.  She ain't the only one who can pick a winner.

Back in December of 2010, I was trying to find this blog's Person Of The Year.  Based on the sheer godawfulness of the Obama Administration, I wanted to nominate a low-level government hack for this honor.  Someone who took his limited authority, magnified it, and used his power to make life as miserable as possible for the greatest number of people.  I wanted a politically correct numbskull of the worst possible sort.  I wanted a typical Obama Administration Democrat.

I settled on an obscure Justice Department attorney named Thomas J. Perez.  Here's why:

Tom Perez, the head of the Justice Department's Civil Rights Division....now has completely severed all links between his lefty-ideological, artificially constructed world and the normal realms of common sense and logic. Several colleges wanted to institute a voluntary program to use the Kindle book-reading device for its class texts. Repeat: VOLUNTARY. But Kindle didn't have voice-activation gizmos (or somesuch) for the blind. Reports York: "The Civil Rights Division informed the schools they were under investigation. In subsequent talks, the Justice Department demanded the universities stop distributing the Kindle; if blind students couldn't use the device, then nobody could."

Yeah.  Outlawing college textbooks on the Kindle because the Kindle discriminates against the blind?  That's brilliant.  Statists across the land probably removed their hats to Mr. Perez as a gesture of respect.  

This is lunacy. Sheer lunacy. How does it hurt a blind student one iota if his normally sighted classmates use Kindle? Does that keep a blind student from getting the texts in braille or another blind-friendly format? No. Does that do a single smidgen of a fraction of a hemi-demi-semi-quaver to violate the civil rights of the blind person? Of course not. No, no, and no, no, no, no. The educational opportunities and/or experiences of blind students would be affected in no way at all if other students use Kindle

Now....I fully expected college parents to be out in the streets, banging pots and pans together, and purchasing every pitchfork and torch available to run this idiotic bastard out of Washington.

But no....
We are a nation of sheep.  If someone in D.C. claims that The Kindle discriminates against the blind, we follow along like a good little battalion of Nazi goose-steppers.
Think about it.  Can blind people "hear" a traditional book?  Can blind people hear the words you're now reading?  Does Thomas J. Perez think that traditional college textbooks have a set of lips and a tongue, like those magic books at Hogwarts?

Who knows.
We had an opportunity to save billions of dollars, billions of trees, and billions in transport costs.  Thomas J. Perez made sure it didn't happen.  I suspect some academic publishers had a say in his decision.  (Although I would never, ever, ever accuse someone like Thomas Perez of being a kickback-taking son of a bitch.  I wouldn't do that.)

Back to the point at hand.... I expected Assistant Attorney General Thomas J. Perez to take his award plus whatever he got from the publishing companies, and then slink off into lobbying sometime.

No.

Just a few hours ago, Barack Obama reached into the corrupt bowels of his Justice Department and nominated THOMAS J. PEREZ AS SECRETARY OF LABOR !!!!

It's almost too good to be true.  In a truly just society, Perez would be mopping up spills at Wal-Mart, but Barack and I were able to select this doofus as the person most worthy of recognition and honor.

Awesome.  I wasn't this proud when I guessed the winning score of The Cotton Bowl in 1996.  

Here's what The Teleprompter Jesus had to say about Perez in his nomination speech:

"If you're willing to work hard, it doesn't matter who you are, where you come from, what your last name is - you can make it if you try," Obama said. "Tom's made protecting that promise for everybody the cause of his life."

Unless, of course, you want to save money on your daughter's college textbooks.  Then Perez is going to screw you, and screw you hard.

It's a great feeling, knowing that I, too, can pick a winner.

Picture of this corrupt bastard came from here.  
Now that The Aggie is of proper age, you'll be able to find her football picks on this site starting in August.

Let's Save Fuel With Barack!!!

Here's Obama's weekly speech on whatever, properly illustrated with pics of him on his private 747, the one that he flew to Chicago to deliver a speech on his fuel-saving plan.... 

Hi, everybody. As a nation, our top priority is growing our economy and creating good middle class jobs. That’s why this week I’m speaking to you from the Argonne National Laboratory in Illinois, because few areas hold as much promise as what they’re focused on right here — harnessing American energy.

You see, after years of talking about it, we’re finally poised to take control of our energy future. We produce more oil than we have in 15 years. We import less oil than we have in 20 years. We’ve doubled the amount of renewable energy we generate from sources like wind and solar — with tens of thousands of good jobs to show for it. We’re producing more natural gas than ever before — with hundreds of thousands of good jobs to show for it. We’ve supported the first new nuclear power plant since the 1970s. And we’re sending less carbon pollution into the environment than we have in nearly 20 years. So we’re making real progress.

But over the past few weeks, we got a reminder that we need to do more. We went through another spike in gas prices, just like last year, and the year before that. It happens every year. It’s a serious blow to your budget — like getting hit with a new tax coming right out of your pocket. Over the past four years, as part of our all-of-the-above energy strategy, we’ve taken steps to soften that blow by making sure our cars use less gas.

We’ve put in place the toughest fuel economy standards in our history so that by the middle of the next decade, our cars will go twice as far on a gallon of gas. Over the life of a new car, the average family will save more than $8,000 at the pump. But the only way we’re going to break this cycle of spiking gas prices for good is to shift our cars and trucks off of oil for good.

That’s why, in my State of the Union Address, I called on Congress to set up an Energy Security Trust to fund research into new technologies that will help us reach that goal. Here’s how it would work. Much of our energy is drawn from lands and waters that we, the public, own together. So I’m proposing that we take some of our oil and gas revenues from public lands and put it towards research that will benefit the public, so that we can support American ingenuity without adding a dime to our deficit. We can support scientists who are designing new engines that are more energy efficient; developing cheaper batteries that go farther on a single charge; and devising new ways to fuel our cars and trucks with new sources of clean energy — like advanced biofuels and natural gas — so drivers can one day go coast-to-coast without using a drop of oil.

Now, this idea isn’t mine. It’s actually built off a proposal put forward by a non-partisan coalition of CEOs and retired generals and admirals. So let’s take their advice and free our families and our businesses from painful spikes in gas prices once and for all. And in the meantime, let’s keep moving forward on an all-of-the-above energy strategy. A strategy where we produce more oil and gas here at home, but also more biofuels and fuel-efficient vehicles; more solar power and wind power.

A strategy where we put more people to work building cars, homes and businesses that waste less energy. We can do this. We’re Americans. And when we commit ourselves to something, there’s no telling how far we’ll go. Thanks and have a great weekend.

And don't do anything to encourage global warming - TWS

The Most Persistent Economic Fallacy Of All Time

Here's the late, great Milton Friedman, explaining the difference between money and production, and then production vs spending.

Spending Vs. Results

Here's a handy infographic showing U.S. spending per tricycle motor, and comparing it to English, Math and Science skills. 
Sources are the CIA Factbook and the U.N. 
Came from here. 
The spending, of course, is much, much higher in some places like D.C., which get truly miserable results. 
One day, someone is going to put out the definitive spending vs. results data for public vs private (and home) education. 


Via: MAT@USC | Master’s of Arts in Teaching

My heart breaks. My tears flow.

Lobbyists on K Street in Washington D.C. have had a rough time of it for the last two weeks. 
Here's Roll Call, on the difficulties now facing the residents of Gucci Gulch:

…sequester cuts…reflect not only Washington’s political paralysis but a bitter lobbying failure for K Street interests across the board. From university professors and scientists to cancer victims, defense contractors and federal workers, hundreds of advocacy, trade and labor groups have lobbied aggressively for months to head off the cuts. They’ve run ads, testified on Capitol Hill, staged demonstrations and hounded lawmakers, all to no avail. …the path forward could be a lobbying nightmare.


These people have lifestyles that would make Roman Emperors blush. 
They convince your CongressCritters to spend money on silly, silly things.  Mostly defense, but sometimes on million-dollar studies of Why Lesbians Get Fat.  (Hint: It's because they're less promiscuous than men, therefore more secure in their relationships.  Plus, they party a lot.) 

Anyway, thanks to the great Dan Mitchell for the quote copied above.  And also for this cartoon showing his reaction to the difficulties now facing K Street, which, if Libertarians have their way, will eventually be bulldozed to put up a Frisbee Golf Course.

311,604 Federal Workers doing their part to prevent government waste

Several years ago I began awarding trophies called "The Whitey" to citizens who did their part to eliminate government waste.
The best way to eliminate government waste is to avoid paying your taxes.  If you don't give them your money, they can't waste it.  
An astounding number of Whiteys went to rejected (and confirmed) members of Obama's cabinet.  Timmy "TurboTax" Geithner, Tom Daschle, etc etc etc all did their part to keep their hard earned dollars out of The U.S. Treasury.  Hit the "Whiteys" label at the bottom to read about previous award winners.

Lord have mercy, they're still trying to devalue the trophy.  

From the Tax Prof Blog:

311,566 federal workers and retirees owed more than $3.5 billion in back income taxes in 2011 (up from $3.4 billion in 2010, $3.3 billion in 2009, $3.0 billion in 2008, and $2.7 billion in 2007).

And from Investor's Business Daily.  Looks like 40 of Barack's lackeys and handmaidens have been doing their share:

A new report from the Internal Revenue Service has just revealed that 40 of Obama's White House aides owe their employer, the federal government, a total of $333,485 in back taxes.
This is the third straight year that the chief executive of the United States has been unable to get his own staff members to keep up with a citizen's legal income tax obligations. to the tune of hundreds of thousands of dollars in back taxes owed. All this while Obama has made such rhetorical hay about corporations and the wealthy paying their fair share.

That's 311,604 current and former suckers of the government tit who are doing their part to keep their own money from being wasted by Barack H. Obama. 

Here are your Whitey Awards !!

Milton Friedman Was Wrong

Milton Friedman once divided all spending into four basic categories, claiming that government spending would always be inefficient because it all fit into his fourth category.

Here's his breakdown:

There are four ways to spend money. 

1. You can spend your own money on yourself. When you do that, why you really watch out for what you're doing, and you try to get the most for your money. 

2. Then you can spend your own money on somebody else. For example, I buy a birthday present for someone. Well then, I'm not so careful about the content of the present, but I'm very careful about the cost. 

3. Then, I can spend somebody else's money on myself. And if I spend somebody else's money on myself, then I'm going to have a good lunch!
 
4. Finally, I can spend somebody else's money on somebody else. And if I spend somebody else's money on somebody else, I'm not concerned about how much it costs, and I'm not concerned about what I get. And that's government. And that's close to 40 percent of our national income.

His point, of course, is well-taken, but incomplete.  Government spending isn't restricted to Category #4.  But I think the good Dr. Friedman should have anticipated the amount of government spending devoted to Category #3 (spending someone else's money on myself.) 

Consider this:

Poor oversight at the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs allowed agency officials to waste as much as $762,000 at a pair of multimillion-dollar conferences that took place last year in Orlando, according to an investigative report released Monday.The report, released by the VA's independent watchdog, estimated that the agency spent about $6.1 million on the two conferences, including $762,000 that was identified as unauthorized or unnecessary. Among the wasteful expenses: $97,906 worth of promotional gifts for the federal workers attending the training sessions; $154,000 for contractor travel; $16,500 to produce daily "Happy Face" videos of those in attendance; and nearly $2,300 for beverages, such as soda and juice, consumed by conference officials and speakers.

And this one:

Where does a muffin cost more than $16?At a government conference, it turns out.They may run just over $2 at your average coffee shop, but the Justice Department paid seven to eight times as much at a gathering it held at the Capital Hilton in Washington. And on Tuesday, the muffins seemed well on their way to joining the Pentagon’s $600 toilet seat as symbols of wasteful spending.Justice Department auditors also criticized a $76-per-person lunch at a conference at a Hilton in San Francisco, featuring slow-cooked Berkshire pork carnitas, hearts-of-romaine salad — and coffee at $8.24 a cup.A report released Tuesday by the department’s acting inspector general,Cynthia A. Schnedar, is full of what she called “wasteful or extravagant spending” at 10 law enforcement conferences spanning the George W. Bush and Obama administrations. Descriptions of cookies and brownies costing the government nearly $10 each and beef Wellington hors d’oeuvres at $7.32 per serving struck a nerve in Washington, where austerity and belt-tightening are the watchwords at a time of economic hardship.

And there are the recent GSA scandals:

At least 77 General Services Administration employee conferences that totaled more than $6.7 million in costs are under review by the agency’s inspector general, the watchdog said at a hearing before a House panel Wednesday.


The conferences, which cost at least $10,000 each and were attended by 25 employees or more, were held between October 2010, when the agency held an $823,000 employee conference in Las Vegas, and April 2012, when that conference became public.

The conferences were the focus of a hearing before the House Transportation and Infrastructure Committee. GSA acts as the realtor and purchasing officer of the federal government.

The conferences ranged from a a five-day regional marketing managers meeting that cost $10,920, to the 2011 GSA Training Conference and Expo that cost $1.2 million.

According to GSA preliminary findings obtained by The Washington Post, the Federal Acquisition Service held 30 conferences costing more than $3.5 million, the Public Buildings Service held 38 conferences costing more than $2.5 million, the Office of Governmentwide Policy held one conference costing $136,495, the Office of the Chief Information held two conferences costing $177,960, the PBS and FAS held a single joint conference costing $112,131, the Chief People Officer held three conferences costing $60,588; and one for Intergovernmental Relations, costing $15,922.

While the list gave numbers of people who attended, it did not break down the number of employees.

Since the 77 conferences are currently under investigation, the agency’s inspector general could not give examples of which conferences had problems or red flags.

The committee also reviewed a one-day $270,000 awards ceremony in Arlington County for employees of the Federal Acquisition Service.

The one-day conference was held four weeks after the Las Vegas event with a more than $140,000 tab for coordination and logistical costs, $34,000 for the venue, $28,000 on picture frames and $20,579 for drum sticks, Brian Miller, GSA’s inspector general, testified.

So, yeah, Government spending my neighbor's money on me isn't very efficient. 
But I bet spending my neighbor's money on $20,579.00 worth of drumsticks is a lot more fun! 

If you've ever wondered how the Federal Poverty programs can spend over $61,000.00 per family in poverty and still have families in poverty?  Look no further.  Milton Friedman's category #3

3. Then, I can spend somebody else's money on myself. And if I spend somebody else's money on myself, then I'm going to have a good lunch!