Iowahawk: You didn't build that

Iowahawk has sat down at his laptop and created a masterpiece. 
Of course he had help from his high school teachers, the people who paid private companies to build the roads and bridges and then gave those companies taxpayer money, he had help from the Department Of Motor Vehicles, some V.A. Hospitals, the General Accounting Office, the Department Of Health and Human Services, the people who wrote the latest Farm Bill, Cash For Clunkers, TARP, The Porkulus Package, the people making a fortune off of the Drug War, and the ATF people who send teenagers who look like adults into my favorite bar and try to trick the bartenders into selling them a drink so they can bust the bartender and fine the bar owner. 
Iowahawk had help from all of those people, but hit this link anyway.  Good stuff. 

The Life Of Julia - Libertarian Remix

The Obama campaign has rolled out an unintentionally hilarious slideshow called "The Life Of Julia".  It shows the life of a woman through her government benefits.  If you have even the slightest interest in Victimology, you've gotta check it out.  I don't care who you are, or which hoss you support in this race.  This thing is funny.  The parody potential is massive.  For starters, just look at the first slide.  It touts the benefits of HeadStart?!??!!!   Really?  Even if the Department of Health And Human Services says HeadStart probably doesn't make a difference? 

Want to know what else is super creepy about this accursed thing? 

Tribalism. 

Not only can Julia not exist without help from Dear Leader, The Teleprompter Jesus, but she might also have some difficulties if she doesn't align herself with a tribe.  (In case you're new to my blog, I see religious, ethnic, and national tribalism as the #1 curse on humanity.)  Check out this drop-down menu from the Obama campaign at the beginning of the slideshow:

I honestly can't believe that the Democrats had the cajones to put LGBT Americans on their site.  Barack Obama is the highest ranking gay marriage opponent in the United States.  But enough about the obvious....Julia needs the government for almost everything, and she needs to be aligned with a special-interest group, right?  Right. 

Parodies of this thing are all over the place.  Iowahawk's is greatness. Go there. 
 
Reason magazine is a much bigger outfit with a much bigger budget for these amusements, so I'm going to borrow most of their pics.  Go here to see the pics in context.   And please go here every day.  It's great stuff.

Here goes, from Reason:

Then, just 6 months later, disaster strikes Julia's family:

Julia turns 18, and is ready to take on the world !!!  (Be sure to check out Iowahawk's parody.  At this point, Iowahawk has Julia going to get a degree in Feminist Website Design.) 

Just seven years later, Julia graduates.  And like most recent graduates, she's a victim of Barackaganda. 

Julia's son goes to school.  There is no mention of Julia's sperm donor on the Obama website, BTW.  Who needs a Daddy when you've got a Big Brother? 

Thanks to the new, Weimer Germany-levels of government debt and inflation, Julia is able to start a business !!

Julia is now resigned to working the rest of her life, providing stimulus funds for Washington to send to supporters and campaign contributors.  A life well-spent and well-lived, Julia.  You have the thanks of a grateful nation.  The government was bribing you with your own money the whole time, but you didn't bitch about it.  Great job !!

Go here, to Reason Magazine, to see the actual stats backing up the jokes (also known as Obama and Romney policy statements.) 

One other thing - Here's a good breakdown of the Obama/Julia Victimization Slideshow from Hot Air. 

3 years old – Julia gets a new-and-improved Head Start, which a new HHS study shows won’t do anything for her anyway.

17 years old – Race to the Top improves Julia’s SAT scores. Is there any evidence at all to support that argument? Even so, she’s down the list from all of the home-schooled children and the charter- and private-school students who actually got an education rather than an NEA indoctrination. However, thanks to the NEA indoctrination, Julia is now better prepared for a life on the government dole.

18 years old – Julia’s family qualifies for a $10,000 tuition tax credit spread out over four years, while Obama’s student-loan subsidies drive tuition costs up even faster.

22 years old – Julia undergoes surgery, which has to be funded by her parents’ employers despite Julia being an adult, and which will be most likely delayed as providers decline in number thanks to the economics of ObamaCare.

23 years old — Thanks to the Lily Ledbetter Act, trial attorneys get rich by filing lawsuits against employers that otherwise wouldn’t have been brought, leaving fewer resources to hire Julia. No college job for our intrepid Julia!

25 years old – Julia finally gets her 4-year degree in seven years, thanks to the inability to handle the tuition bubble and the lack of work. However, the good news is that the $200,000 in student loans will only hang over her head for 20 years, while taxpayers like Julia end up paying for the costs of default.

27 years old – Julia wants to have sex for the first time in her life, apparently, and is looking for contraception. Her employer would provide it for free thanks to the ObamaCare HHS mandate … if she could only find a job.

31 years old – Julia gets pregnant, which tells you all you need to know about free contraception. Oddly, Julia hasn’t gotten married first, probably because the economy is so poor by this time with the huge entitlement debt crisis breaking that no one can conceive of putting a home together. Fortunately, ObamaCare makes pregnancy possible, because until Obama took office, no one ever got pregnant, since government support and approval for it didn’t exist.

37 years old – Julia’s son Zachary, named after his sperm donor, starts school. Head Start has long since disappeared, apparently, but Race to the Top still exists. Must be a marathon.

42 years old – Julia starts a business with an SBA loan, which also apparently never existed before Obama took office. Her student loans are just three years away from defaulting onto the backs to taxpayers, so that’s good news.

65 years old – My, how time flies! (Do women do nothing of value between 42 and 65?) Julia enrolls in Medicare, which ceased to exist decades earlier, thanks to the fact that Obama and Tim Geithner didn’t have a plan to address the debt crisis — all they knew was they didn’t like anyone else’s plan. You can get the cards at Spencer’s as a gag gift.

67 years old – Julia retires, since the entitlement collapse wiped out her business and the rest of the American economy. The timeline stops here, which suggests that the IPAB probably denied her care, as she was nothing but a drain on society by this time, and the few resources they have left had to be used to pay for face lifts for members of Congress.

There you have it — a timeline filled with government interventions in a fantasy lifetime, with absolutely no sense of the cost it would take to provide Government Nanny to Julia and the rest of the country. At least they picked the right name for their fantasy woman trapped in an all-encompassing government; Julia was the name of the lead female character in George Orwell’s 1984, after all.

Lord have mercy, I'm glad to be alive for all this.  Interesting times, interesting times. 

A modest proposal for Brian Schoenjahn, who wants to ban mixtures of alcohol and caffeine

From The Des Moines Register, with a fresh coat of Whitening to Hit'n'Run:

A sweeping ban on alcoholic beverages that contain caffeine is the first bill in the Iowa Senate this year.

The proposal would prohibit the sale or possession of such drinks, as well as ban transporting or distributing them. Senate File 1 was filed by Sen. Brian Schoenjahn, D-Arlington.

A violation would be a simple misdemeanor punishable by 30 days in jail and a fine of between $65 and $625. Anyone with a liquor license would have their permit revoked.

Here's more from Hit'N'Run:

The bill defines "caffeinated alcoholic beverage" as "any beverage containing more than one-half of one percent of alcohol by volume, including alcoholic liquor, wine, and beer, to which caffeine is added." Hence it apparently applies not only to drinks with a noticeable caffeine kick but also to coffee-flavored liqueurs with detectable amounts of the stimulant, such as Kahlua or Tia Maria, and any cocktails made with them, such as a Black Russian or a Mudslide. In addition to jail time and fines, violators would face revocation (not just suspension) of their liquor licenses, and therefore loss of their livelihoods—a pretty harsh penalty for following the instructions in a Mr. Boston book.

Here's some non-violent (but uncivil) rhetoric on the issue from Popehat:

“Why can’t you mind your own damn business, you nasty, officious, grasping little nanny-state twit?
.... Available press reports do not make it clear whether Brian Schoenjahn (1) only wanted to ban caffeine-enhanced canned drinks marketed to younger people like Four Loko, but was too stupid to draft a bill tailored to that end without outlawing a vast swath of traditional alcoholic beverages and cocktails, or (2) genuinely believes that it’s the rightful place of state government to ban Irish Coffee and Kahlua because Iowans are too stupid to drink it responsibly."

Meanwhile, please remember that thoughtful and important people want you to know that libertarianism is a fringe belief and that legislators are just regular folks whose service ought to be respected.

Yeah.  Well.... If the purpose of government is to protect people like me from our bi-weekly Bourbon And Coke for our own good, I have another proposal for the Iowa Senate. 

Check out these pics of a random Iowa Senate committee. 

Which individual needs to be forcibly restrained from making any more trips to the "All You Can Eat Chomp'n'Chew Buffet" in Des Moines?

Brian Schoenjahn,  the nasty, officious, grasping little nanny-state twit, has more chins than a Chinese phone book.  He wants to deprive me of my bi-weekly Bourbon And Coke, should I ever go back to Iowa for another auction. 
Therefore, I propose that the citizens of Iowa adopt The Schoenjahn Neckline Reduction And Cardiac Arrest Prevention Bill of 2011.  The rough draft reads as follows: 

This bill prohibits the manufacturing for sale, or keeping for sale, importing, distributing, transporting, or possessing of any carbohydrates intended for the gaping Statist maw of Brian Schoenjahn. The bill defines a carbohydrate as any consumable likely to in crease Brian Schoenjahn's shirt size.  Appropriations will be made at a later date to hire regulators to follow Mr. Schoenjahn from Luby's to Captain D's to McDonald's, an activity which will surely save and create jobs for Iowans. 
  A violation of the bill’s provisions is subject to the penalty provisions of Code section 123.50. A violation constitutes a simple misdeameanor punishable by a fine of at least two Wendy's Gift Certificates but not more than four WhatABurger Gift Certificates. If found in violation of this statute, Mr. Schoenjahn will also endure 30 days hard labor at a Bally's or L.A. Fitness Center on a treadmill.  The bill additionally provides that a violation shall result in the immediate revocation and surrender of Mr. Schoenjahn's Senate seat and his Cheesecake Factory Club Card. The bill will take effect upon enactment.

It's for his own good.  He'll thank me one day. 

Can someone please explain to me why the president of the United States is letting Bill Clinton fill in for him at press conferences?

Here's the New York Holy Times:

With Mr. Obama standing largely silently at his side, Mr. Clinton took over the lectern to lend his backing to the tax compromise the White House reached this week with Republicans. And then Mr. Clinton went on, for half an hour, answering questions and holding forth on topics from triangulation to Haiti to the mortgage crisis and the nuclear arms treaty with Russia.


Even after the 44th president excused himself and left the room, the 42nd went on. On cable TV, Mr. Clinton’s presence in front of the blue backdrop with the White House logo was familiar, as were the wagging finger and the occasional bitten lip.

Mr. Clinton and Mr. Obama turned up suddenly after meeting privately together for almost 90 minutes in the Oval Office. With no warning to Mr. Obama’s aides, the two men wandered through the nearly deserted West Wing — most staff members were at a holiday party — and tried to get into the briefing room but found the door locked. Only after they finally encountered Robert Gibbs, the White House press secretary, were arrangements made to turn on the lights and microphone and assemble the press corps.

This really did happen.  It's on television, and you can hear about it on the radio.  Pictures were taken.  Recorders were rolling.  Bill Clinton is addressing the press on behalf of The Teleprompter Jesus.  What in the heck is going on in there?  Does anyone know?  Can anyone explain it? 

OBAMA THEN LEFT THE PRESS CONFERENCE, SAYING THAT HE AND MICHELLE HAD TO GET TO A CHRISTMAS PARTY !!!!!  HE LET BILL FREAIN' CLINTON FINISH HIS PRESS CONFERENCE !!!!!  
I MEAN, I'M NOT A HUGE FAN OF GEORGE W., BUT CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT WOULDA HAPPENED IF GEORGE W. HAD TURNED THE PRESIDENTIAL PODIUM OVER TO HIS DADDY ???
Here's what Iowahawk had to say:

WASHINGTON DC - Ending weeks of speculation and rumors, President-Elect Barack Obama today named Bill Clinton to join his incoming administration as President of the United States, where he will head the federal government's executive branch.


"I am pleased that Bill Clinton has agreed to come out of retirement to head up this crucial post in my administration," said Obama. "He brings a lifetime of previous executive experience as Governor of Arkansas and President of the United States, and has worked closely with most of the members of my Cabinet."

And then....

"Let's face it, it's obvious I'm in way over my head here," explained Obama. "Anyone paying attention knows I am a disaster waiting to happen, and who can blame them? I mean, just look at the stock market. That's why I think it's in the best interest of the country that I hand over the reins to people who, whatever their ethical shortcomings, at least have a faint clue about what they're doing. Come on, man. I've got a 401-k, too."


While the naming of Clinton appears to have momentarily calmed jittery financial markets, it sparked ripples of disapproval at liberal websites like Huffington Post and DailyKos. The progressive blogosphere was an early key source of support for Mr. Obama's candidacy, but a steady stream of Clinton-era appointees since the election has left some charging that he had betrayed his campaign promises to bring them to Washington as part of a sweeping culture of change -- a charge that Mr. Obama vehemently accepted.

"Oh, for crissakes. Are you kidding me? Are you friggin' kidding me?" asked Obama. "Of course I betrayed those goddamned idiots. Have any of you actually spent five minutes with them? I have, unfortunately. Nothing personal, but I wouldn't trust these internet windowlickers with a plastic spork from Taco Bell, let alone a freaking $3 trillion dollar budget global superpower. Look, I may be naive, but I'm not stupid. And if Kose or Koz or whatever the f*** his name is thinks for one second I give a rat's ass about who he wants in charge of the Treasury Department, he's even stupider than he looks."

Hit the Iowahawk link above to read the whole thing.  It is priceless. 
It really has come to this.  Bill Clinton is now filling in.  At least we have an adult in the room. 
Here's the New York Times picture of Obama leaving the leader of the free world podium to go to a party or play some basketball or mess with Sasha and Malia's Wii or something. 

Iowahawk takes over the GM marketing department

This is a continuation of the previous post.
I've been having these recurring dreams about going to the final G.M. bankruptcy auction in the year 2014. These dreams have been curiously episodic, with each one beginning where the previous dream ended.....

As I wonder how I'm going to explain spending two grand on a "Hillary" doormat, I begin to wonder what it was that finally put G.M. out of business in 2014. Was it the fact that design changes had to go through the Deparment Of Commerce? Was it the Imperial Decree from President (of the U.S.) Obama to the President (of G.M.) Obama that all vehicles must get 83 miles per gallon? Was it the lawsuit over red cars not being "green" enough?

One of the many, many reasons for the G.M. bankruptcy: They didn't have a decent marketing department. The ads were curiously unappealing, despite being produced by my online friend Iowahawk. Check out this one, about the Pelosi GTxi SS/RT Sport Edition:



I woke up at 4:14 this morning, screaming about the horror of late 1970's dance moves.
I've got to stop obsessing over this. Yes, the president of the United States has fired the President of General Motors.
Yes, he knows nothing about running a car company.
And no, it can't possibly end well.
Their problems are not my problems. Deep down inside, I know this. Its just the principle of the thing. Presidents shouldn't install themselves as CEO of corporations whose donors are in trouble.
Am going to try Vicodin, just to see if the dreams stop.

From The Greatness of Iowahawk

This thing is more than nine minutes long.
I had no intentions of watching all of it.
I've now watched it twice.
Iowahawk. Often imitated, never duplicated.

Iowahawk on Obama's cabinet

Iowahawk.
Often imitated, never duplicated.

This is brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

Iowahawk, Bob Evans Restaurant, Hillary Clinton

From England's Telegraph.Co.Uk..........

During a campaign stop at the Bob Evans restaurant in Rio Grande, Ohio, Mrs Clinton shook hands with kitchen staff and then stood behind the counter to pose for pictures.
"I am just going to take a few orders here," she smiled, adding: "In case this other endeavour doesn't work out I can come back to Bob Evans."

Iowahawk has taken Hillary's comment to the extreme.....The "Mr. Hsu" references in his post are to notorious Democratic party fundraiser Norman Hsu, who is now an Involuntary Guest of The State of California. Folsom prison, I think.

Mr. Iowahawk has outdone himself this time. My sides hurt from laughing.

The Banality of Evil, Ezra Levant, The Alberta Human Rights Commission, and unh.... Iowahawk???

A political correctness tribunal called "The Alberta Human Rights Commission" has made the mistake of hauling in a blogger named Ezra Levant. Click here for my bewildered ravings about an organization like the Alberta HRC existing in the 21st century.
Levant's crime?
Speaking against Islam.

Criticizing The Religion of Peace carries the death penalty in some places, but Ezra Levant obviously doesn't regret his actions. But the bureaucratic twit who is presiding over Levant's hearing definitely regrets coming to work the day of Levant's hearing.

Iowahawk has done a great service to humanity by linking video excerpts from the hearings (already on YouTube) and other info on Levant. If you watch one of the videos, you're going to watch all the others. And then Iowahawk asks himself...."What is the bureaucratic twit writing on her legal pad?" It's the best satire of this century.

One of the many people who've linked to the Iowahawk posting made reference to "The Banality of Evil".

Here's a concise definition of the concept, from Information Clearinghouse:

The concept of the banality of evil came into prominence following the publication of Hannah Arendt's 1963 book Eichmann in Jerusalem: A Report on the Banality of Evil, which was based on the trial of Adolph Eichmann in Jerusalem. Arendt's thesis was that people who carry out unspeakable crimes, like Eichmann, a top administrator in the machinery of the Nazi death camps, may not be crazy fanatics at all, but rather ordinary individuals who simply accept the premises of their state and participate in any ongoing enterprise with the energy of good bureaucrats.

Is the woman in the videos a Nazi? A crazy fanatic? Of course not. Is she "evil", based on the definition above? You decide.

But is she "a rather ordinary individual who simply accepts the premises of her state and participates in the enterprise with the energy of a good bureaucrat?" In other words, is she just doing her job?

Absolutely.

Iowahawk and the caucuses

Because of tonight's Iowa Caucuses, I made a point of checking out Iowahawk.

It's the funniest stuff you'll ever read about Iowa. Or caucuses. I'm only linking to the site, not individual posts, so if you're reading this a year from now, go to his posts from December 18th, 2007, through January 3rd, 2008.

Here's a sample:
Iowa is also widely known as "The Diversity State," with its vibrant Norwegian-American community and its equally vibrant German-American community, not to mention a growing population of German-Norwegian-American halfbreed mestizos. And, according to the most recent U.S. Census, Iowa has twice as many African-Americans as New Hampshire, and both of them are keenly involved in the political process.
Iowans Are Moderate. Historically, Iowa is neither strongly Republican nor Democrat, conservative nor liberal. It is near the median in state population and in the middle of the country, with an average per-capita income. Iowans speak in flat, unaccented Midwestern English, and avoid conflict and spicy foods. Iowans have a long tradition of political centrism borne of a strong libertarian desire to steer clear of government interference, along with an equally strong desire for federal subsidy checks to help better enjoy the government non-interference.

Another opinion on Mitt's Speech

I tried to be all deep and diverse and theological in my post about Mitt Romney's failed "Faith in America" speech.
Check this out for something completely different.
It's a blogger named Iowahawk.
You will see him on these pages again.
















I've watched the speech online all the way through now, as opposed to reading the text. Romney looks like he could work 4 or 5 consecutive shifts in Disneyland's animatronic Hall of Presidents without breaking character. Or taking a break.